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Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson finally made it legal . . . their divorce, that is. Papers filed in Los Angeles Superior Court last Friday make the singer/actors legally single once again. Officially, they now retain the status of "single, unmarried persons," according to the documents.

Nick and Jessica's fifteen minutes of fame began when they starred in the MTV reality show Newlyweds: Nick & Jessica. That newlywed feeling ended around Thanksgiving 2005, when the couple announced their separation. One month later Simpson filed for divorce after three years of marriage with Lachey and thousands of pages of tabloid speculation.

Since then, Simpson has appeared with Miss Piggy in a series of Pizza Hut commercials and jumped on the infomercial bandwagon to promote Proactiv skin cream. Meanwhile, Lachey released a CD back in May entitled What's Left of Me, in which he sings about the couple's painful breakup.

I guess I'll just be blunt right off the bat here: what the hell is wrong with Esquire readers?

The mag asked readers to name the people they'd like to have dinner with, and the winners were...Jay Leno and Condoleeza Rice?!

Some of the others that made the list I can understand: Bill Clinton, Oprah Winfrey, even stars like George Clooney and Angelina Jolie (you could ask her about world hunger and her kid). But I think that after eating dinner with Jay Leno for just five minutes I'd want to punch him. He'd probably just be laughing all the time, cracking jokes, and spitting food all over the place. I mean, really, what's his dinner appeal? I would think late night hosts like Letterman and Ferguson and Rose would be more interesting.

As for Rice: eh. Maybe Esquire readers misunderstood the question. Maybe they thought it said "what would you like to have for dinner?" Then the Rice answer would make sense.

Jessica Simpson continues her run at movie roles that don't actually require her to act (but they do require her to show off her boobs). She will play Pamela Anderson's character in the movie version of Baywatch. Apparently her turn as Daisy Duke last summer really wowed the makers of the next television-to-the-big-screen project. Oh man, I suppose that means she's going to re-make another song. What will it be this time? 'Good Vibrations'? Ha!

According to FOX News, producers of the Baywatch movie hope that David Hasselhoff will agree to sign on to the flick since Jessica is on board.

How come these headlines never say anything like "Jessica Simpson to star in remake of Gone With The Wind," or "Jessica Simpson lands role in latest Steven Soderbergh film?" It's always something about her being in The Dukes of Hazzard movie or an I Dream Of Jeannie flick.

Anyway, not that anyone asked for this, but they're making a big screen Baywatch movie, and Simpson will play ... well, not sure of the character, but it probably involves a bathing suit and not a business suit. No word on whether David Hasselhoff will reprise his role on the big screen. Maybe he could be a Yoda-like character, training new, younger, sexier lifeguards.

Now, can Simpson possibly live up to the acting of Carmen Electra, Pamela Anderson, and Yasmine Bleeth?

In hindsight, I guess we should have seen something like this coming after her fantastic Pizza Hut promotion with Miss Piggy. Sigh.

After trying out singing, acting and marriage, 25-year-old Jessica Simpson is trying something else out . . .adoption. According to her publicist Ms. Simpson, who recently filed for divorce from actor/singer Nick Lachey, is considering adopting a child. Nothing has been finalized yet, but Jessica would like to adopt children before she has some on her own.

What? Isn't it usually the reverse unless there's some medical condition?

What seems to be the impetus for this decision is Simpson's choice of role models -- Angelina Jolie. Jessica says Jolie has done remarkable things to promote and increase international adoption. Then again, Jolie married Billy Bob Thorton and wore a vial of his blood around his next to signify their love.

 

Like most of you, I have trouble getting through my day knowing I'll never have hair like Jessica Simpson. I've yet to come to terms with this, so most of my day is spent sobbing and pounding the floor screaming, "Why can't I have such gorgeous locks of blonde hair shimmering like spun gold in the moonlight? I would be the loveliest debutante at the ball, and all the rugged suitors would wish to dance with me and only me!" Then I put on eyeshadow and eat a box of Hostess Sno-Balls. It's a character flaw, admittedly, I'm trying to work through it.

Anyway, it turns out I'm not the only one pining for Jessica's locks. She plans to launch her own line of hair extensions this summer. You can get hair that matches her blonde locks, or if you'd rather have hair like her sister Ashlee, you can do that, too. In fact, there's "a rainbow of colors and styles" according to one source. The new line is called "Jessica Hair Extensions" and was created along with her hairstylist, Ken Paves.

US Weekly is reporting that American Idol judge Paula Abdul was almost fired last month. Supposedly, there was a lot of tension on the set, in general and not just between her and co-judge Simon Cowell. According to a source, Paula "was being very difficult...crying all the time...arriving late for meetings." Supposedly (again), Abdul was treated for exhaustion and dehydration. Producers reportedly were thinking about replacing her with either Jessica Simpson or Britney Spears (wow, that would have been stupid).

I don't understand what all the controversy is about. Watching Abdul, I think she looks normal, refreshed, and has been completely coherent this season. *Cough*

Unless something drastic happens, Abdul will be forever our girl. For this season anyway.

I look forward to the day when news articles about Nick Lachey stop linking him to Jessica Simpson. I bet he feels the same. In the meantime, Nick Lachey has been cast as the lead in new sitcom pilot for The CW called, SheSaid/HeSaid. Lachey will play a bachelor named Colin who lives in New York (where else?). The rest of the cast is still being lined up for the pilot shoot, which begins in April.

Jessica Simpson turned down a seat at a Republican fund-raiser and a face-to-face meeting with President Bush recently to talk about the charity she supports, Operation Smile. The charity provides free plastic surgery to disadvantaged kids overseas with facial deformities. I just hope it isn't like Plastic Surgeons Without Borders.

Anyway, Simpson apparently didn't want to politicize her charity or make her own political views known. I guess I can respect that, although I don't see any clear political affiliation regarding this charity, so her reasoning seems a little odd. Simpson did agree to the meeting initially, then changed her mind at the last minute.

Update: According to IMDb, Simpson is denying everything the press has been reporting, and has stated that the president merely didn't have enough time to meet with her.  

Donald Trump just entered the Joe Simpson Club of Creepy Dads, for telling the gals on The View that, if Ivanka wasn't his daughter, he'd probably be dating her. Ew? I know he's desperate to get better ratings for 24-year-old Ivanka's five-episode arc on The Apprentice, but... ew! I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit. He also said she has a nice body and would look good if she wanted to pose in Playboy magazine. Ick. Ick. Ick. I guess that Martha Stewart feud didn't create enough headlines so he's working another angle.

While that's super gross, Joe Simpson remains the ultimate creepy dad for talking about the size of daughter Jessica Simpson's breasts.

Nick Lachey filed papers on friday in response to Jessica's Dec. 16th divorce filing, reserving the right to request spousal support. Jessica's divorce filing requested that she not be required to provide support but she's going to need a lawyer who can do some fancy footwork because they didn't sign a prenuptial agreement. Her success is obviously based very much on the success of their show, Newlyweds: Nick & Jessica on MTV. Jessica made more than $30 million last year.

Oh my. Kristen Bell now joins the ranks of Jessica Simpson, Haylie Duff and Jennifer Love Hewitt as one of the Girls of Maxim. In the photos and on the cover, Kristen is stripped down to her underwear and a black bra. One photo actually looks like she's preparing to do a breast self-exam. The quotes from her online don't say much, except she confesses that "old pervs" used to honk at her back in the day when she went to a Catholic school that required her to wear a plaid skirt as a uniform. Jessica Simpson, on the other hand, told Maxim all about her boobs. But you will never know that because you stopped reading this back at the link to Kristen's online photos, didn't you?

[Via Pop Candy]

Mr. Blackwell, the be-all and end-all of fashion, has some mean things to say about a lot of ladies who work in television. Topping his Worst Dressed list this year is Britney Spears, and if you see her outfit while shopping in Las Vegas recently, you'll understand why. Blackwell says, in his unusual alliteration-meets-Dr. Seuss speak, "From Princess of Pop to the ultimate Fashion Flop!" I wonder what it would be like to actually talk to this Mr. Blackwell in person?

Here's the entire Worst Dressed list, along with Mr. Blackwell's snarky comments and exclamation marks:

When you're 19 years old and you can afford to blow $3.75 million on a house - the house Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey lived in, and where the gloriousness that was The Newlyweds was filmed - life must feel pretty sweet.  Justin Berfield, who plays the bullying middle son on Malcolm in the Middle, bought the Simpson-Lachey house for an undisclosed sum. The house was listed for $3.75 million.

I remember seeing Frankie Muniz, who plays Malcolm, on The Tonight Show several years ago, when he was 15 - he was talking to Jay Leno about his car collection, and Leno (along with me and all the other hard-working schmucks out there) was marveling that this kid who couldn't even drive yet was collecting these very spendy cars. Now another Malcolm kid buys a mansion. Geez, I guess I should've pursued that whole "land a part in a popular sitcom" path when I was a kid.

Hey, want to take a piece of the Nick and Jessica break-up with you? Well, now you can! The Newlyweds house (the one that they used for their MTV reality series) is now up for sale for a cool $3.5 million. It's got five bedrooms, 6,500 sq. feet, a pool, music studio, a screening room, and the lingering smell of Jessica Simpson's gas. So if you've got a couple million in pocket-change to fork over, have at it...