TVSquad

The merchandise opportunities for classic shows like Star Trek has been outlandish, to say the very least.

You can show your financial love for Star Trek by buying Star Trek toys, Star Trek apparel, Star Trek cell phones, Star Trek Pez dispensers, Star Trek burial coffins, Star Trek living room furniture
and even Star Trek erotic theme art. Don't click that last link if you're at work, school or don't really want to know what James Doohan would look like spread eagle on a Tribble skin rug.

Now the folks at Genki Wear, a geek themed jewelry manufacturer, have helped the Enterprise explore a strange new world of merchandising and seek out new lifeline accounts and financial liquidations with a line of Star Trek-inspired cologne and perfumes.

Over at ComicMix, Alan Kistler has written annotations for the new Star Trek movie and how well it fits into the overall continuity of the show. It's a pretty impressive list and does prove that despite the blatant contradiction of the show's history as a result of time travel, they were actually pretty good with getting the details of the characters correct.

Spoilers follow this paragraph. You have been warned.

I'm not the kind of person who normally resorts to pumping something full of hype, but if you are reading this and haven't seen the new big-screen adaptation of Star Trek, you need to be tied to something heavy so that "certain" people can know your whereabouts at all times.

J.J. Abrams' new vision of TV's original Star Trek has everything you expect from a summer movie flick that costs $150 million to make and $8.25 a ticket: laughs, big explosions, smokin' hot alien babes who spend the majority of their screen time in skimpy underwear.

I went to see Quantum of Solace over the weekend anxious to see the second Daniel Craig iteration as James Bond, and had the chance to see the big screen full trailer for J.J. Abrams' re-imagining of Star Trek. Of the latter, I'd be very skeptical. After reading many of Abrams comments --like "I've never been a fan of Star Trek" -- my Trekkie (not Trekker) heart fears that the Lost/Alias creator had bungled the ST that I know so well.

So, now that I've seen the trailer, I'm even more concerned. Oy vey, what has Abrams done to the Trek universe? The trailer looked more generic sci-fi that ST to me. And where was the iconic music? Why was Kirk using his middle name; I don't think he ever did that on the TV series!

J.J. addressed the media and shared some clips and information -- but no photos -- of the feature which won't be hitting theaters till May 8, 2009. I'm a little more relieved by the description of the scenes. Here's the gist of what they're about:

Do not adjust your web browser. You are now entering the Retro Squad, where we are reviewing past episodes of classic TV shows.

Ever since I was allowed to make my own decisions, I have tried to emulate Jim Kirk. Whenever I have a tough choice to make I ask myself WWJTKD? When I became a father, I continued that practice and it's helped out immeasurably.

You Can't Make Everybody Happy
During his career, Captain Kirk has been forced to make unpopular decisions. Even though the decision is always the right one, there are always people (sometimes a lot of people) who end up wanting him court-martialed or worse. As I became responsible for people other than myself, I had to realize that like Kirk, I have to make the decision that I know is right even if it makes my kids hate me.

This article could easily have been called "James T. Kirk's Top Five Loves", one of which would undoubtedly be the Enterprise, or "James T. Kirk's Top Five Seductions", but those titles didn't quite convey the connotation I was looking for. As everybody who ever watched Trek Classic knows, the good captain had his fair share of women, getting involved with a different one once every three episodes or so.

The man oozed excess testosterone, which might have explained his hair loss later on. You'd think the 23rd century would learn to regrow it better. Then came the 24th century look when baldness was "in". But I digress. It was also his self-confidence that made him without question a chick magnet. This aspect of the character undoubtedly appealed to the uber-nerds who watched Star Trek then and now.

So is it yet another Star Trek alumnus coming on-screen, or a reunion of former Murphy Brown costars Candace Bergen and her on-screen amore Scott Bakula, as TV Guide says. Looks like it's both, as Bakula has signed on to join Bergen and William Shatner for an upcoming episode of Boston Legal. In it he will play one of Shirley Schmidt's (Bergen) exes who runs into her at a bar. No word on if his will be a multi-episode arc or a one-time appearance.

Bakula has shown himself to have a bit of comedic chops recently on The New Adventures of Old Christine, and with BL being a dramedy, he might do very well there. Either way, it is good to see Bakula back on the small screen. Quantum Leap remains one of my all-time favorite shows and I'm still mad they haven't found a way to bring it back (despite periodic rumors that they may), while Knight Rider gets a revival. It'd be great if they can get Bakula's character and Denny Crane (Shatner) together in a scene and have them salute one another or slip some other Trek teaser for the audience in the know.

Since the dawn of time, about 1987 or so, nerds and geeks around the world have debated on what version of the U.S.S. Enterprise was more powerful. Was it the first NCC-1701 captained by James T. Kirk on the original Star Trek series, or was it Captain Jean-Luc Picard's NCC-1701D from Star Trek: The Next Generation. Well, thanks to the wonderful tool we affectionately know as the Internet we now know the answer.

It's Kirk's Enterprise. Now, before you all riot in the streets let me provide you with the concrete evidence. Just go to the PistolWimp website to view the Kirk vs. Picard video where Jimmy K. kicks Picard's bald ass. In reality the video, entitled The Final Battle is a beautifully edited piece splicing together scenes from both a classic episode and one from the The Next Generation run. The scenes from TNG are from the episode Cause and Effect, where Picard and his crew are stuck in a time loop. I believe the scenes from Kirk's Star Trek are from the episode The Balance of Terror where they battle a Romulan warship. However, I'm not certain of this; please correct me if I'm incorrect.

So, my fellow nerds and geeks, put down those phaser rifles and unite to watch this video.