TVSquad

One of my favorite features every month in Esquire is the "Things You Don't Know About Women" list. I've learned more about women from reading that list than I would going on a thousand dates. Then again, they're all celebrities who do the list, so maybe they have no practical use in the real world, but they're fun to read. And they seem pretty logical. I wonder if these women know that most men actually agree with everything they say?

This month's list comes from Kidnapped star Dana Delany. Among the bits of wisdom: "Text messenging is for children and people who are having affairs. Don't do either" and "We need you. Because a vibrating piece of plastic can't kiss." I'm not sure I agree with #5 though, "Never wear cologne." I mean, come on. I wear cologne every time I go out. Ladies, what do you say?

The part about this list that makes you cringe isn't even in the list, it's the blurb at the very end. "Dana Delany stars as Ellie Cain on the drama Kidnapped, which airs Saturdays on NBC." Ouch.

You know, I really want to like Chuck Klosterman. He's probably the only person in the world who takes pop culture more seriously than I do, and he often has some interesting things to say. But more often than not he's simply maddening. And you know what else? The guy is just incredibly wrong, time and time again.

Case in point: in the new Esquire, he calls Lost "the best network drama in the history of television." Sorry Chuck, but you are sadly mistaken.

I guess I'll just be blunt right off the bat here: what the hell is wrong with Esquire readers?

The mag asked readers to name the people they'd like to have dinner with, and the winners were...Jay Leno and Condoleeza Rice?!

Some of the others that made the list I can understand: Bill Clinton, Oprah Winfrey, even stars like George Clooney and Angelina Jolie (you could ask her about world hunger and her kid). But I think that after eating dinner with Jay Leno for just five minutes I'd want to punch him. He'd probably just be laughing all the time, cracking jokes, and spitting food all over the place. I mean, really, what's his dinner appeal? I would think late night hosts like Letterman and Ferguson and Rose would be more interesting.

As for Rice: eh. Maybe Esquire readers misunderstood the question. Maybe they thought it said "what would you like to have for dinner?" Then the Rice answer would make sense.

For the past several months, Esquire mag has been torturing male readers (and probably more than a few female ones) with their slow unveil of "The Sexiest Woman In The World." Body part by body part, they've been giving us little clues as to who she is. Now it's all online, in six parts, and the web site provides the final clues as to who she is. There's a picture of her rummaging through a refrigerator. She has blonde hair, but that might be a wig to disguise her true hair color.

There's a handy drop down menu of names, and it includes such TV stars as Jennifer Garner, Tina Fey, Jessica Biel, Tyra Banks, Teri Hatcher, and Eva Longoria.

There is also an interview with her, and she says she's not a vegetarian, she's never appeared on a WB show (guess that leaves out Biel), she doesn't have a blog, and a song was inspired by her. Any guesses?

I know, it's Madeleine Albright!

The latest issue of Esquire (don't click until you're done reading this!) names The Most Normal Guy In Hollywood. Who is it?

• Tom Hanks
• J.J. Abrams
• Matt Damon
• Ben Affleck
• Noah Wyle
• Russell Crowe
• Tom Cruise
• Ron Howard
• George Clooney
• Chris Rock
• Steve Carell