TVSquad

Let's face it, we get old. Some of us live a long and glorious life, dying happily in our sleep next to the 26-year-old Penthouse Pet of the Month who is just with our wrinkled old selves because we have money. Others live to the ripe old age of 30 and have a wonderful Lastday ceremony. It really doesn't matter...we get old one way or another.

Most of us try not to admit we are getting old. We use dyes, we have surgeries to move things around, and we pump ourselves with poison so our faces to retain that wonder wax museum sheen. Yet, there are those occasions where you hear about something that triggers that little part of your brain that makes you want to whip out the Bran Flakes and prunes. Here are just a few television-related events that may just have you looking for retirement communities in Florida.

Hey, Brigitte here with TV Squad Daily. I'll be covering the TV stories I find interesting each day, Monday through Friday, in this video blog.

Today on TV Squad Daily:

• Boston's bomb scare turned out to just be advertising for Aqua Teen Hunger Force.
  
• Is all the praise finally going to Jennifer Hudson's head? She describes her time on American Idol as "abusive."
  
• Dustin Diamond was forced to be quarantined while filming Celebrity Fit Club because of something he said to past American Idol contestant Kimberly Locke.
  

The video's embedded below, or you can download the file directly (Quicktime required). You can also subscribe to this vodcast via our feed.

You know, as much as I shouldn't write about the seemingly disgusting post-Screech life of Dustin Diamond, every little sordid detail that comes out demands that I say something about it, if only to point out all the unintentional comedy bubbling just under the surface.

Today, Rush & Molloy of the New York Daily News, who broke the story about a leaked sex tape featuring Diamond, interviewed David Hans Schmidt, who brokered the deal to distribute the video. Schmidt is saying that Diamond is in on the deal -- he even produces a document with his signature -- and is angry that the ex-child star is telling people otherwise. He also doubts that people see all of Diamond in the video. ""I have reason to believe that is not Dustin's [manhood] in the movie," he told the gossips. Heh. "[Manhood]." I wonder what word he actually used? I bet it wasn't "Peepee" or "Weiner". If anyone wants to guess, you can do so in the comments.

[via Pop Candy]

Hey, Brigitte here with TV Squad Daily. I'll be covering the TV stories I find interesting each day, Monday through Friday, in this video blog.

Today on TV Squad Daily:

• You'll always remember where you were when you heard the news: Miss USA may be dethroned.
• The downside of being A-list: Jennifer Aniston and Ben Stiller were both denied guest roles on 24.
• Just like Dustin Diamond will always be Screech to me, Lucy Lawless will always be Xena. But she's trying to turn her new love of singing into a career in music.
  

The video's embedded after the jump below, or you can download the file directly (Quicktime required). You can also subscribe to this vodcast via our feed.

My first Festivus wish list for the upcoming year. Well, I did type up a Festivus wish list last year, but the only people who heard it were my wife and kids, who had no idea what I was talking about. In fact, I could swear my wife mumbled something like 'You need professional help' under her breath while I was expressing my wish that Barney the dinosaur be run over by a semi-truck. I ignored the statement, of course. I mean, I've been going to therapy for years. Five days a week. Twice a day. Plus, there are the drugs that curb my rage everytime I see that Mac-PC commercial. Sure, the drugs make me see visions of Rush Limbaugh in a thong, but they even my emotions out. For some reason, Rush in a thong seems to sooth me. It's either that or the sleeping pills, not too sure.

Anyway, I'm overwhelmed with emotion, yet highly medicated, as I type this up. So, if you see tear marks on this post please forgive me. Then again, if you see tear marks on this post you may want to talk to my therapist.

The Smoking Gun has obtained a copy of Dustin Diamond's list of demands contract rider for public appearances and it appears he's very sensitive about being called 'Screech'. The contract says that promoters will be fined $100 for "every offending ad, flyer, or marquee"-- which includes refering to Diamond as his Saved by the Bell character, Screech.

What does Dustin Diamond do -- other than make hotel room porn and sell t-shirts? He apparently makes appearances as a stand-up comedian and as a speaker, which he does "the Screech voice, face, and walk." Wait. He will bore audiences with behind-the-scenes stories from Saved by the Bell and do impressions, but you can't call him Screech? I'm confused.

Funny sidenote: His rider warns that some of his jokes are dirty and says, "You are getting the mature Dustin Diamond not Screech." It also requires two pints of "chilled" chocolate milk in his dressing room. He's a walking contradiction.

[Via TV Tattle]

Dustin Diamond has been in the "fringe pop culture" news a lot lately, hasn't he? First, he begged for money to save his house, then he got mugged. Now, the man best known for playing Saved By The Bell's nerdy Screech has reached the pinnacle of Z-level celebdom: he's got his very own sex tape.

According to New York Daily News gossip mongers Rush & Molloy, there's a tape floating around where Diamond is en fuego with not one, but two young women, and there's some interesting action going on. How interesting? Let's just say that this is the first time I've seen the term "Dirty Sanchez" printed in a major metropolitan newspaper.

The owners of the videotape are shopping it around to distributors. Diamond's manager was nonplussed by the news: "Dustin has been trying to escape the Screech typecast. So this may help me get more bookings," he told the News.

[via Pop Candy]

Oh God, here we go.

Dustin Diamond, aka Screech from Saved By The Bell, told a Florida radio station that a woman mugged him in his hotel room. He says the woman busted into his hotel room with mace, grabbed some PSP games, then ran out. He had her for a few seconds against the hotel room door (she cried "rape"), but then she got away.

Luckily, his T-shirts are fine.

Dustin Diamond is really starting to get on my nerves. First, in order to change his image from the screechy-voiced character he played on the NBC Saturday-morning sitcom Saved by the Bell he became a foul-mouthed comedian (like we don't have those already). Recently, much to the anger of his fans, he decided to sell $20 t-shirts to save his Wisconsin home from being foreclosed upon.. And now, he's giving out sex advice saying, among many things, that he could write a book on the sexual moves that he has tried and tested and that you need to tap your partner so hard they fall asleep.

I don't know if this is some sort of long-term plan of Dustin's to have us forget that he played the role of Screech for nearly a decade. Or, maybe it's just him trying to drum up some new publicity for himself. I can't read his mind, so I don't know the definitive answer. However, I do know one thing . . .

No matter what he does, he'll still be Screech.

Yesterday, Dustin Diamond, best known as Screech from Saved by the Bell, appeared on the Howard Stern show. During the appearance, he mentioned, among other things (let's just say the number "10" came up somewhere in the conversation... that's all I'll say about that) that he signed a messed-up land contract to get his house in Wisconsin, and for various reasons, he's about to lose it. As part of his efforts, he is selling t-shirts online for $15 ($20 if you want them signed by Dustin).

It's not that he's destitute; Diamond tours the country as a stand-up comic. It's just that he had bad credit and had to rely on some shady people in order to get the house. He doesn't want to sell (though he'd make a profit) and wants to stay right where he is. So if you felt bad for Screech or identified with him (I certainly did), or just laughed at his Screechiness, go to Dustin's site and buy a shirt. Or just go to the site and laugh at him. It's up to you.

(Update: for all of the readers who are about to write, "Well, he should just get the money from his father, Neil Diamond, or his brother, Mike Diamond from the Beastie Boys," just stop right now. He is not related to either Diamond. Need proof? Look here.)