TVSquad

You'd think that celebrity couples would start getting the picture after a while. Don't do a reality show! It's just the death knell of any marriage, and I think you can probably name a few obituaries in that category: Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey, Hulk and Linda Hogan, and Danny and Gretchen Bonaduce, to name a few.

PopEater is reporting that the Bonaduce's divorce is a done deal, and he has to shell out $16K a month in spousal and child support. Guess how he's going to earn the cash -- a dating reality show called The Next Mrs. Bonaduce!

Now, what girl in her right mind would participate in such a fiasco? I mean, I have to admit that I watched his show, Breaking Bonaduce, a few times, and was weirdly transfixed to his train wreck of a life.

Okay, this was reported on a site known for news relating to the porn industry (needless to say, it's NSFW), but it's too good not to mention. It seems that a porn actress named Raquel Devine and reality-TV star and former Partridge Family icon Danny Bonaduce are planning to open a restaurant. The hook is that the restaurant will be billed as anti-celebrity and anti-Hollywood.

It gets better. They will have a bulimic stall in the ladies' room and a transsexual stall in the men's. They also plan on having a photo booth where diners can have a mug shot-style photograph taken. And if you produce the real thing of yourself, you win a prize.

I'm sure for a little extra, Bonaduce will beat up anybody in the restaurant. This may very well be the greatest restaurant that ever existed. Gordon Ramsay could learn a thing or two from this idea. I don't think they even need to serve good food.

Last week, I told you all about the glorious incident in which Danny Bonaduce gave Jon "Fairplay" Dalton a heaping serving of whip ass. Dalton asserted that he was going to press charges after the incident and followed up on the threat, giving Bonaduce one more trip in a squad car to tell his grandchildren about.

Well, as we all predicted the charges have been dropped.

Hey, Brigitte here with TV Squad Daily. I'll be covering the TV stories I find interesting each day, Monday through Friday, in this video blog.

Today on TV Squad Daily:

• Pamela Anderson got married again this weekend. Guests were treated to mac-n-cheese. Mmm!
  
• Danny Bonaduce won't be charged for throwing Johnny Fairplay face-first onto a stage and breaking his teeth. The D.A.'s office basically said that Johnny had it coming to him.
  
• Why I want a reality show about Larry Birkhead raising Daniellyn to succeed.
  

The video's embedded below, or you can subscribe to this podcast via our feed. Plus, you can also download the file directly.

From the "We Saw This Coming From a Mile Away" file... comes news that Danny Bonaduce is getting divorced. His wife, Gretchen, has filed for divorce after 16 years of marriage.

It's a miracle they made it that long, really. If you're like me and the most you've seen of Breaking Bonaduce was on The Soup, you've seen enough to know know she puts up with a lot of shit from him. And it's not just his on-again, off-again addictions to drugs and alcohol. The dude has a raging temper. She was a real trooper for sticking around, but things apparently just got to be too much for her. I guess Dr. Phil failed.

Bonaduce announced the divorce this week while being interviewed on Adam Carolla's syndicated radio show.

In this instance, by "incredible restraint" what I really mean is "I can't believe he didn't pop the guy in the face and then plant his steak knife in his neck while showing full "Bonaduce Rage Out Mode." If you've ever watched more than five minutes of Breaking Bonaduce, Danny's reality show/nightmare/trainwreck, then you know he will flip out with no warning, almost like Bruce Banner turning into the Hulk. At least with good ol' Bruce, there was the odd behavior, the shaking, the turning green and all that jazz, so you'd have at least a few seconds warning. However, when you're dealing with Danny (that would've made a better name for the show), all bets are off.

Now, here's where the restraint comes in. Danny is chowing down at a sidewalk cafe somewhere in Los Angeles, and John Conner (no, not the guy from the Terminator movies) approaches him with a video camera and a microphone and proceeds to ask him questions about a conspiracy concerning our government's involvement in the 9/11 attacks. Now, I'm not even a Z-list celebrity, but if this guy came up to me, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be quite as composed as Danny manages to be. He calmly lets the guy have it verbally, dropping a few F and S bombs here and there, while still eating his lunch. Impressive.

Although, it does seem like Danny would strip naked and bark like a dog if President Bush asked him to. Let's hope that W doesn't use these powers of persuasion over him for evil purposes. However, if he asks Bonaduce to move to Korea and start bugging Kim Jong-il, I think I'd be okay with that.

I'm starting to wonder if Danny Bonaduce's biggest addiction isn't to drugs or alcohol or even anger, but to television. More specifically, I'm wondering if Danny just can't live his life unless there's a camera there to record it. I mean, think about it: he's been on just about every D-lister-studded reality show ever made. And he's laid his and his family's deepest problems bare on his VH1 show Breaking Bonaduce. So now, if that weren't enough, he's decided that he needs Dr. Phil to berate him for a half-hour.

Danny and his wife Gretchen will be on Dr. Phil today as part of The Bald One's examination of "Out-of-Control Husbands." The funny thing is, right now Bonaduce is sober and, according to Gretchen, is becoming a model citizen. But she doesn't know how long this will last. So I guess it's up to Dr. Phil to yell some sense into both of them. Here's the thing, though: most people take Phil's orders and just sit there and sob. But we know Danny's a feisty one. Don't know why they think Dr. Phil will solve their problems, but at least it'll be fun to watch.

Here's some news for all you John Mayer fans: the singer will appear on the season opener of CSI! Mayer has a new album coming out, titled Continuum, and he'll perform two songs ("Waiting on the World to Change" and "Slow Dancing in a Burning Room") on the two-parter when it airs on CBS September 21 and 28.

Danny Bonaduce also guest stars, as a dead rock star. His dead body is a wonderland.