TVSquad

• At 8, ABC has a new Cavemen, then new episodes of Carpoolers, Dancing with the Stars, and Boston Legal.
• CBS has a new NCIS, followed by new episodes of The Unit and Cane.
• FOX has new episodes of Bones and House.
• NBC has a new Singing Bee at 8, then new episodes of The Biggest Loser and Law and Order: SVU.
• There's a new Beauty and the Geek on The CW at 8, followed by a new Reaper.
• ABC Family has a new Lincoln Heights at 8.
• AMC's Monsterfest has The Frighteners at 8, then Hellraiser.
• At 9, PBS has a new Frontline.
• CNN has the special Planet in Peril at 9.
• Discovery has a new Dirty Jobs special at 9, with best of clips, bloopers, and more.
• A&E has a new Dog The Bounty Hunter at 9, then a new Criss Angel Mindfreak.
• Also at 9: Food Network has a new Throwdown with Bobby Flay.
• At 10, FX has the season finale of Damages.
• TLC has a new L.A. Ink at 10.
• At 10:30, Food Network has a new Two Dudes Catering.

Check your local TV listings for more.

• At 7, USA has more coverage of The U.S. Open.
• At 8, CBS has a new Power of 10, then a new Big Brother.
• ABC Family has a new Lincoln Heights at 8.
• The History Channel has a new, two-hour episode of The Universe at 8.
• Food Network has a new Rachael Ray at 8, then new episodes of Have Fork, Will Travel, Bobby Flay, and Glutton For Punishment.
• ESPN has two new episodes of The World Series of Poker at 8 (main event), then the season premiere of The Contender.
• Nickelodeon has a Home Improvement marathon every night this week.
• At 9, ABC has a new i-Caught, followed by a new Primetime: Crime.
• NBC has a new Biggest Loser reunion show at 9.
• There's a new Wide Angle on PBS at 9.
• TBS has a new Bill Engvall Show at 9.
• HGTV has a new Decorating Cents at 9.
• Also at 9: Sci-Fi has a new Eureka, then a new ECW.
• At 9:30, A&E has a new Dog The Bounty Hunter, then a new Criss Angel Mindfreak.
• At 10, FX has a new Damages.

Check your local TV listings for more.

• Criss Angel wants people to know that he is not a ladies man. He also wants to talk, a lot, about how people are talking about how he is a ladies man.
  
• David Bowie isn't actually an alien but he does have natural alien good looks.
  
• Oprah and David Letterman are soooo not feuding anymore.
  

• Mindfreak's Criss Angel is doing damage control about his relationship with Cameron Diaz. Cameron Diaz doesn't need this kind of drama - she just wants to be friends.
  
• The Apprentice is coming back? Was there a candy bar campaign I didn't know about?
  
• Miss New Jersey received another package of blackmail photos, and won't talk about what's in them except to say they contain nothing illegal.
  

• Scott Baio filmed a reality show about helping him find a meaningful relationship... while he was in one with his ex's stunt double. Yeah, it's complicated.
  
• Criss Angel of Mindfreak is having relationship issues too.
  
• The Simpsons Movie is responsible for turning your local 7-Eleven into a real-life Kwik-E-Mart.
  

• Criss Angel's cement-block "escape" was kind of a joke.
  
• Jericho's nut campaign might just have worked. I know, I know... you told me so.
  
• The Price is Right just won't be the same without Bob Barker!

• It's the end of the road for American Idol, but Paula wants everyone to know "we're all winners."
  
• Apollo was named the champ of Dancing with the Stars, despite some who say his moves were "too raunchy."
  
• Criss Angel has a new stunt planned, and it sounds... odd.
  

• Just in time for Mother's Day, Buzz Sugar lists some memorable TV mothers and daughters.
• Bobby Brown is suing Whitney Houston.
• Growing Pains star Kirk Cameron goes on Nightline to prove that God exists.
• Maxim picks the worst TV series endings of all-time.
• Don Imus might want $200 million from CBS.
• CNN International says that Bush resigned. Ooops!
• Megan over at TVGuide.com really likes Criss Angel (and he has a new book out too).

• Scotty where are you? James Doohan's ashes made it back to earth, but we can't find them!
  
• The makers of American Idol will soon be bringing us The Next Great American Band.
  
• Illusionist Criss Angel believes you can be just like him, if you really really want it.
  

I've been listening to magician Penn Jillete's radio show for awhile now, and it's become perfectly clear that no matter how much he likes you, he'll still insult you. During yesterday's program, which you can listen to here, he and guest Criss Angel spent the hour slamming David Blaine and his stunt in front of Lincoln Center. This isn't the first time Penn has lobbed insults at Blaine, although he always prefaces those insults by saying he does admire Blaine as a performer. Penn's assertion is that most of the card tricks Blaine does could easily be learned by anyone in under six minutes. Of course, one should take Penn's penchant for exaggeration into consideration, as well. Angel, also a fan of Blaine's, claimed he has already done Blaine's underwater stunt, having been submerged in a tank for twenty-four hours. Since math wasn't my best subject I haven't been able to figure out how twenty-four hours is the same as seven days, but there you go. Penn also reiterated something he's been saying all week, which is that his partner Teller has been underwater for more than eleven minutes on more than one occasion as part of their stage show, considerably more than the current record of eight minutes and fifty-eight seconds. Of course, Penn then adds this caveat: "Of course, he was cheating."

So yeah, it's a bit after the fact, but if you want to hear magicians talking smack, it's worth a listen.