TVSquad

(S02E04) Notice I don't have a quote above like I usually do? More on that after the jump.

This week we discover what happens when one of the NBC page jackets is damaged, why Tracy shouldn't be involved in dogfighting, and what might happen to Liz in 20 or 30 years if she doesn't start saving money.

(S03E03) We learned many important things on Weeds tonight:

1. You can't make $12,500 off a brick.
2. The cock wants what it wants.
3. Fish have internal testicles.

Weeds is like the anti-Entourage. Instead of tying everything up in a neat, happy little bow by the end of the episode (Kanye Ex Machina, anyone?), everything goes to pot. (Oh yeah, I'm punny.) Seriously, could things get any worse for the Botwins?

(S01E17) I'm praying that those of us still watching this show witnessed the series finale of On The Lot and not a season finale.

If this show ever gets a second season, I may be forced to boycott all future Burnett and Spielberg productions, and I really want to see the next Survivor and Jurassic Park IV. Well, maybe not so much Jurassic Park IV.

Anyhow, take all the things you disliked about this season and point the world's most powerful electron microscope at them. That's about what these last two episodes have been like.

(S01E16) Initially, I was opposed to the way they planned to do this finale. It just seemed natural that the final three directors should have had to complete some monumental 5-10 minute piece of work that truly exemplified their talents as a director. The prize is a million dollar deal with Dreamworks, after all, not a first place trophy at the local film festival.

Then, after thinking about it for a bit, it actually made some sense for them to do it this way.

To make the directors create a new piece of work, and totally neglect their previous body of work would have been unfair - particularly if they were having an off day. It'd have been nice to what these guys could do given something more than a couple of minutes, but I can see how that could be construed as a little unfair to the contestants who didn't make it to the final three.

(S01E15) It's a sad thing when the reveal of who's leaving a reality show is more interesting than the actual show.

Case in point, Zach went home this week and we were forced to hear his stifled crying while Adam, Jason, Will, and Sam were named the final four. I liked Zach, but his odes to such-and-such director were getting old and lacked any originality.

(S01E14) Throughout the season I've commented on how many of the director's films end up looking more like car commercials thanks to the heavy placement of Ford vehicles throughout their features.

This week the problem was exacerbated because everyone had to make films using "automobiles" as a loose theme. I find it a little suspect that "automobiles" was considered the theme since in previous weeks we had genres like comedy, horror, action, and romantic comedy.

(S01E12) The only romantic comedies my palette can tolerate are of the British variety. This may or may not make me a complete tool. I haven't quite decided.

These comedies usually star Hugh Grant playing Hugh Grant and are full of witty banter, unlikely but enjoyable scenarios, and slightly tolerable romance.

Going with that criteria, none of tonight's films came close for me and that's pretty sad considering I've set a pretty low bar for the genre. For the most part, the judges disagreed with me.

(S01E11) I'm really surprised On The Lot has made it this long without getting yanked.

My suspicion is Fox doesn't quite have the guts to cancel a show produced by the venerable Steven Spielberg, but they're covertly doing everything in their power to get this stinker off the air. Hence, the double eliminations for the last two weeks.

By my calculations, if we continue cutting two people a week, we'll only be subjected to four or five more episodes tops.

I think this may be the first time I've ever consistently watched a show on a weekly basis while simultaneously wanting it to die.

(S01E10) I'm pretty sure the On the Lot studio audience is tricked into thinking they're at a "My Favorite Things" taping of an Oprah show each week.

The only way they could possibly be as enthusiastic as they let on is if they think they're getting a free iPhone, a fresh batch of crepes Fedexed in from Paris, or an early copy of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.

Seriously, the crowd is in such a frenzy each week, it's nearly impossible to hear Adriana Costa during her introduction. She practically has to shout and the funny part is, she's using a microphone.

There is no way a sane human being could like this show that much. It's against nature.

Early June, I reported in TV Squad's Spoilers Anonymous feature that when Smallville would return in September the Daily Planet would have a new editor. The show was looking for an "extremely hot thirtysomething actor" to play this new character who would be featured in six of the first eight episodes and could become Lois Lane's new love interest.

TV Guide's Michael Ausiello reports that Hidden Palms' Michael Cassidy landed the role.

(S01E09) Last week a reader by the name of Videophile posted a link in the comments to this YouTube video noting the similarities between it and Zach's film Die Hardly Working.

After watching the film, I tend to agree and encourage you to have a look for yourself.

I'm not accusing Zach of stealing from the SecretFunTime crew, but the video was posted on their site on May 1st and apparently, Zach only shot this film last week. Also, On The Lot didn't start airing until May 23rd which presumably means Zach could have seen the video before leaving to participate on the show. Just something to think about.

I apologize for the rampant conspiracy theorizing. I have to keep myself interested in this show somehow.

(S01E08) I hate to sound like a broken record, but once again, On The Lot underwent a few more tweaks this week.

To begin with, thanks to a somewhat revealing outfit, the studio audience was mere millimeters away from finding out what exactly resided on Adriana Costa's lot. I'm pretty sure Garry Marshall would have had a heart attack had this actually occurred.

(S01E07) I'm pretty sure Fox has an intern whose sole job is to check the web every Wednesday morning to see what the bloggers and web magazines had to say about the previous night's episode.

I say this because it feels like the producers take the online criticism into account and have been making little adjustments here and there to try and make the show a little bit better.

(S01E06) To the producer's credit, we finally have a format for this show, and it appears we're sticking with it. We also seem to have hit upon a trend with easy on the eyes but hard on the ears host Adriana Costa.

I could be wrong, but it appears her outfit gets a little skimpier every week.

If I'm right, somewhere around week 10 Fox's ratings are going to kill in this time slot since it's likely Adriana will have her outfit whittled down to a couple of squares of toilet paper held together by some fishing line.

(S01E05) Tonight's show was a definite improvement over last weeks, but that's kind of like saying being forced fed one turd sandwich is better than being force fed two. At the end of the day, you're still eating a turd sandwich.

Never in my history of TV watching have I encountered a show so maligned by schizophrenia. The producers of On The Lot know they want to find "the next great Hollywood film director," but they have absolutely no clue what the means are to reach this end.

And what's the deal with Adriana Costa. I think one of the readers mentioned that he and a friend created a drinking game that revolved around one of them taking a shot every time she botched a line.

Sadly, I received email confirmation that the both of them died of alcohol poisoning after this evening's episode.