TVSquad

(S05E10) In Monday's fun-filled episode of The Apprentice, the Scooby gangs oversee the grand openings of two different hair salons. The title of the episode is 'Blow Out'. The Bravo cable network has a reality show named Blow Out, which focuses on the antics of a Hollywood hair salon and its owner. Bravo is owned by Universal, which also runs NBC.

Hmm. I smell network synergy.

Oh, before we begin the bloodletting I wanted to mention a few things that we learned this episode:

• Everyone thinks that Lee is a born politician;
• Trump thinks Tarek is a schmuck (but we all knew that already);
• For the millionth time, that's Donald Trump's real friggin' hair!

And now, the jello mold we call The Apprentice.

And, we're back.

(S05E09) After a lovely respite last week, The Apprentice has returned to Monday nights to torture entice us with the confusion and the back-stabbing that is the corporate world. Just to review, Synergy has gone on a four-week rout against Gold Rush. In the two episodes before the break, Lenny and Leslie were let go from Gold Rush, and now the rest of the team members are ready for a bit of revenge.

Do they get their revenge? Will your favorite person be fired next? Is that real hair on Donald Trump's head? Am I asking too many questions?

All that, and more, will be answered as you click ahead to the toxic waste dump known as The Apprentice. 

Well, maybe. Apparently the ratings for The Apprentice 5 haven't been that great, so NBC is trying to lure more viewers to the show with the possibility of a $10,000 prize each week. Turning the show into a kind of American Idol experience, viewers will be able to participate in the show and vote for who they think should be fired. So really, it'll be much more like real life. I remember when I was eighteen and applied at McDonald's but the manager wouldn't hire me until he asked fifty complete strangers on the street whether I should work there or not. It all makes perfect sense. Winners from all three time zones will be chosen each week. You can learn more about the contest over on NBC's site. The contest kicks off April 24 and will run to the end of the season.

(S05E07/S05E08) Well, we're about half-way through this cycle of The Apprentice, and there is one thing I can say with 100% truthfulness: team Gold Rush sucks! I mean, these are the worst group of corporate potentials that I have ever seen on this show. The three remaining male members of the team (Tyrek, Lee and Lenny) couldn't decide if they wanted cheese or not on their Whopper without an argument breaking out. Tyrek is just vapid, Lenny uses his Russian heritage as a crutch, and Lee kind of just sits there.

Actually, Lee reminds me of two people. If you put a pair of glasses and a bow tie on him he looks a bit like Mr. Smithers from The Simpsons. I can actually hear him saying, "Why, that's Tyrek, Mr. Trump. One of your cancerous tumors from Sector 7G." The other person he reminds me of is Michael from The Office; he seems like one of those guys who would do anything to get others to like him. Needless to say, if Gold Rush continues in their current format they are going to continue to lose.

I smell a team change on the horizon. With that foreshadowing let's move on to the chicken casserole we call The Apprentice.

My wife's contractions are 8 minutes apart. That has nothing to do with this week's episode of The Apprentice, but I'm just giving you fair warning; she's 38 weeks pregnant with twins and you never know when my review stop in the middle of. . .

Ha! Caught you napping there, didn't I?  Just wanted to make sure you were paying attention.

Oh, one more item before we begin. Apparently we have been pronouncing the word 'industry' incorrectly for all of these years. I say this after hearing Donald Trump talking about the cruise ship 'in-DUST-try' during the task introduction.

And now, the roller coaster ride known as The Apprentice.

Boy, they love to cry over there at Apprentice central. Last week, Andrea had a crying jag when Brent returned to the apartment after his boardroom session. This week, Charmaine had a bit of a pout when she realized that she was 'this close' to being fired. I'm really not too sure if these are people that I'd want to run a business; they seem to cry at the drop of a hat.

Anyway, let us be off to the sideshow that is known as The Apprentice.

Excuse me while I slip into my '80s California accent. Ahem. . .Dude! Like, The Apprentice is going to be doing the show in Los Angeles. That is most excellent, Trumpster!

And now I return to the normal sarcastic personality indicitive of the Northeast.

Open casting calls are currently underway nationwide for the sixth cycle of the show. They will continue until April 8th and cover such cities as Seattle, Jacksonville, New York, Chicago, Hartford, Honolulu, and Las Vegas. You can download an application and check on the dates and times at the official Apprentice website.

According to Donald Trump, the show will move to Las Vegas during the show's seventh cycle, followed by Chicago and Miami. That's just awesome!

And now for the review of The Apprentice, Episode 3. . . Donald Trump did not say anything about dating his daughter.

Now, on to your comments. Hm? I'm sorry, what did you say? That's not a review? You want me to critique the episode and comment on the good and bad? You want me to talk about Donald Trump's hair resembling a child of Cousin It from The Addams Family? Oh, okay, if you really want me to!

I came into this late. In fact, the episode I'm reviewing right now is the first I've watched.  However, from what I see, there is a clear difference between teams Synergy and Gold Rush. Synergy has a diverse group of people who seem to have their heads on straight and are effective at completing a task. On the other hand, Gold Rush is full of neophytes who only care about themselves.

Forget the office! Why push paper all day when you can take a day off from shaving, throw on your ratty, old Survivor buff, strip down to your undies, and go to the first annual Reality TV Convention!

All you have to do is drag yourself to the Nashville Airport Marriot in Tennessee and you'll be well on your way to the largest reality television show convention ever conceived. Pictured above is an empty conference room, but if the convention were in it, I'm sure we could expect to see booths for a variety of shows and plenty of people with William Hung masks on. Event organizers are expecting a crowd of over 5,000 and according to the link below, stars from The Apprentice, The Biggest Loser, Big Brother, Survivor, American Idol, and many others will be in attendance. Fans will be able to ask questions, take pictures, and get autographs. For any reality fan, this is indeed the reality TV show Mecca. So plan your trip now for the event which will be held on June 3 and 4.

[Thanks to event organizer Joe Blackmon for the tip.]

Well it had to happen sooner or later, but Martha Stewart has finally started complaining and making excuses for why her version of The Apprentice did so poorly. Her main argument? There was too much Apprentice at once... which from here on out I will refer to as Trump-Stewart Sensory Overload.

Apparently, the original plan was for Martha to have the only Apprentice show and it would start out by her firing Donald Trump; in essence passing the torch of mediocre reality television. She even said it was unfair to the both of them but that Trump really wanted to stay on... well, wait a second. Maybe I'm off here, but wasn't Trump under contract to do more than three seasons? So it didn't matter if he wanted to stay on or not because the guy had a job to do. I don't know, sounds to me like Martha isn't dealing too well with her defeat.