TVSquad

You've seen the commercial below. It's a Comcast ad that takes on Verizon FIOS by saying that FIOS costs more, doesn't have as much HD as Comcast, and is filled with too many lame videos.

Last night I watched the commercial again (for the 4000th time) and I noticed that they've changed the ending. The FIOS guy used to say "I'm going to write down your credit card number which I memorized when I was looking..." I always thought that was an odd line, pretty much insinuating that a Verizon rep would take someone's credit card number like that. But they've now taken that line out and replaced it with something else (though the new line escapes me at the moment - anyone?). I wonder if Verizon complained?

Earlier this year, when we were going to switch to digital television in February, my sister sent me an e-mail and asked me if I was ready for the switch, and I thought to myself, I think I've been ready for several years. So I'm not quite sure why people are still having a problem switching from analog to digital (I'm especially confused when people say that older citizens use TV as their "lifeline" to the outside world - if you're using words like that, you really should switch or your family should switch for you).

Nielsen is reporting that 2.5 million homes still haven't switched to a digital TV or bought a converter box, even though that original switch date was extended to last Friday. I'm wondering why these people haven't switched yet. I'm not talking about people who have a TV but really don't watch it because they read books (as if you can't do both, but that's another rant). I'm talking about people who watch TV a lot and haven't made the switch yet.

Have you been clamoring for an all 3-D television network? Have you been hoping and praying that the god of your choice would listen to your prayers and deliver unto you a fully three dimensional network? Have you been unable to sleep for months on end as your very sanity teeters on the precipice of your grasp on reality?

Me neither.

Nevertheless, a publicly traded company hopes to turn a humble syndicated network into the world's first fully three-dimensional channel.

Regular watchers of American Chopper will look at the picture to the right and immediately ponder the following question: is Paul Sr. giving Paulie Jr. a big hug or a meaty, larynx-crushing choke hold?

I've been notoriously anti-reality TV for a long time, but I gave American Chopper a grace chip when it ran on the Discovery Channel for the first few seasons. It can get just as over-the-top as most reality shows tend to do, but it still had a genuine level to it somewhere in just about every episode, and it offered viewers something more than just grown men fighting. I'm also a pathetic wanna-be gearhead and would watch a custom Buick LaSabre build contest if I thought I could generate an ounce of knowledge from it over my rich, car-building friends.

So imagine my surprise when the New York Post broke the biggest spoiler in the show's history, other than the fact that it is still on the air.

Nothing has frustrated TV fans more than the never-ending release of The State DVD from MTV. It has become the Duke Nukem Forever of the television universe.

One minute, it's on and the next minute, it's off. Then it's back on again, then the whole thing gets called off. Then it rises from the ashes like a flaming phoenix into the never-ending sky only to get doused with a fire extinguisher by an MTV Home Entertainment executive.

Now it appears that ill-fated collection of magic discs is coming soon to a DVD store near you until MTV decides it's time to destroy your dreams and tell your children there is no Santa Claus again.

The final season of the show that made USA famous for something other than playing non-stop reruns of Wings is turning into a reunion special. Or should I say a special reunion?

Bitty Schram, the actress who played Sharona, Adrian Monk's original partner in fighting crime on Monk, will return for an episode sometime during the show's eighth and final season.

This will mark her first appearance on the comedy-mystery since she mysteriously disappeared from the show halfway through the third season. It should also make for an interesting close to a series that has redefined the way the higher channels on the dial create and produce their own series.

Nothing breeds talent quite like cable access television.

Starting in 1979, Brooklyn resident Frank Masi created and hosted a program on local New York television called Stairway To Stardom. Filmed in what appeared to be a freshly carpeted Staten Island basement, Stairway was an especially early, low-budget predecessor to Star Search and American Idol, but sprinkled with the key element of hometown appeal.

The Chaser's War on Everything, a satiric hidden camera prank show from Australia, aims to be everything most shows of their ilk fail to achieve. It's satirical, unbiased in its stance against everything from commercialism to phony diplomacy, and more probing than a proctologist with banana hands.

This sparks a startling question: what the hell is a show this smart doing on the G4 Network?

The show found its way to the States earlier this year as part of the network's Duty Free TV block of foreign cult faves like Trigger Happy TV, Unbeatable Banzuke and Ninja Warrior. It's become one of the better shows on the all geek network, which either says worlds for the three-year-old show or doesn't say much for the rest of G4's original programming. I'll let you decide while reminding you this is the same network that once produced a game show where the first person to vomit lost. Even Fox wouldn't sink that low. Wait, are we talking about some kind of survival situation?

You may not have realized it after coming off of your President's Day Booze and Beef BBQ, but February 17th was the voluntary day for television stations to turn off those piddly analog signals and crank up their digital ones. Other than one guy shooting his television over the conversion, the switchover of about a quarter of the 1800 television stations in the U.S. went off fairly smoothly. Course, this was just the dress rehearsal. The real performance will be on June 12th, which has become the new 'no change' cut over date.

Being a proud citizen of the United States, I thought I'd take your pulse once again and find out if any stations in your viewing area cut over on Tuesday. If they did, and you were one of those remaining folks without a cable hookup, did you encounter any problems with your new digital converter box? Also, just out of curiosity, was there one major market station that remained in analog mode while the others jumped into the digital pool?

Come on, Americans! Let your voice ring out on this matter.

Warning: this post about the FBI's investigation into the Super Bowl porn snafu uses the word "probe" several times. Viewer discretion is advised.

Comcast's probe into the Super Bowl porno snafu has officially become an FBI probe. A Fox affiliate in Tucson reported that the cable provider has asked the FBI to conduct their own probe into the 30 seconds of pornography that aired during Super Bowl XLIII.

Special Agent Manuel Johnson of the Phoenix FBI field office would only confirm for TV Squad that the probe is still ongoing.

As we all know, and are probably tired of hearing because it makes us so damned depressed, the recession is hitting everyone hard. Businesses are closing left and right, people are losing their jobs, and unemployment rates are hitting levels not seen since the days of leg warmers, headbands and tainted Tylenol. It's bad enough that even if people still have a job, their employers are taking extensive belt tightening measures to make sure they are prepared for the worst.

One of the things being eliminated from families' budgets during this belt tightening is their cable or satellite hookup. With costs that can total over $100 a month, families are just not ready to dump that kind of cash on something they feel doesn't have any value. That doesn't mean they are going without television (especially after the DTV switchover) and turning to a simpler life of canning vegetables, making quilts, and attending square dances. Rather, they are switching off their hi-def flat screens, turning on their computer flat screens, and getting their TV fix over the Internet.

So you've probably heard about the 30 seconds of porn (video is unbelievably NSFW. You will be fired and embarrassed if you watch this video. Please don't show to your parents, kids, or clergy. Warning! Graphic!) that many Tucson residents saw during the Super Bowl. And if you lived in the area and actually saw it, you might be getting some money from Comcast.

The cable company has decided to pay ten dollars to each person who was "affected" by the showing of porn during the game. I have no idea how you're supposed to prove you saw it or even what "affected" means. Annoyed? Ticked off? Embarrassed for your family? Aroused? Did it make you want to strangle a puppy? Comcast, the nudity you showed on Super Bowl Sunday made me rethink my career path. I want my ten dollars!

Comcast is still investigating what exactly happened, but they're pretty sure it was done by someone on purpose. Only people who didn't watch the game in HD actually saw it, which is a great ad for HDTV. Not sure if the spokesperson for the company helps by using the words "aggressively pursue" and "come to a resolution" in the statement.

Yesterday, the U.S. Senate followed President Obama's recommendation and approved a delay in the digital TV transition date from February 17 to to June 12. If a similar measure passes in the House, then we all know what that means: four more months of DTV transition ads! Woo hoo!

Seriously, though, will it matter if the transition date is February, June, or sometime in Obama's second administration? At this point, even the most casual observer has figured out that the transition hasn't been communicated very well to the American public. People who have cable or satellite still think that they need to buy a new HDTV or upgrade to digital cable in order to be compliant with the conversion, people who got discount coupons for converters early on have found that the coupons have expired and they can't get more, and the people who have converted are being surprised that some weak stations won't come in due to the "digital cliff effect."

You've seen the countless ads with the dire warnings: switch to digital TV by February 17 or you won't be able to watch any of your favorite shows and you'll have to read a book or play with your kids. And I bet your local news stations have been running various tests and a crawl at the bottom of the screen to remind you about the transition. Now it looks like it might not happen when it's supposed to..

The Obama transition team is asking Congress to extend the deadline because the way the transition has been handled hasn't been the smoothest: there's been a problem with the coupons that the government is giving out so people can get a converter box, the education on the new technology has been inadequate, and the government doesn't have the funds to make the current date a reality. Consumers unions are also asking for the date to be extended.

My sister asked me if I was ready for the digital transition, and I told her that I've been ready for years. Then I met someone last week who says she still has a small portable TV with rabbit ears. Are you ready for the change?

Everybody's been boo-hooing the ongoing decline in the ratings of the broadcast networks for years now. Each year their numbers erode and the news outlets go crazy trying to figure out what's going on. But there's been a quieter story building during that same timespan, and it really came to the forefront this year. While the major broadcast networks have seen a drop in viewers, the cable networks have been busting ratings records all year, culminating with USA not only having the best year of any cable channel in 2008, but having the best year in the history of cable television.

But what does that mean for television, in general? Is it just the continuing evolution of a drastically changing medium? Considering the state of the economy and its impact on the networks, it's definitely worth noting that someone on the airwaves is apparently doing something right, and it's these cable channels. Ironically, many of those same success stories in cable are sister stations to the broadcast networks, even going so far as to lend them shows during that pesky writer's strike. But how can it be that while the Big Four are going down, the cable networks are on the rise?