TVSquad

Everybody who watches reality shows, especially reality competition shows, does it: you wonder how well you would fare if put in the same situation. I really don't have the talent to be on a Project Runway-type show, or the ability to eat gross crap that you need to make it on Survivor, but I think I could hang on The Amazing Race for a while. I don't think I'd win or anything, because I would definitely be the one who constantly has meltdowns over obstinate camels and whatnot, but I don't think I'd be eliminated first, either. I can't cook much more than pasta, but I'm also pretty sure that if I were on Hell's Kitchen, at the very least, I wouldn't make Gordon Ramsay vomit like Matt did.

AOL asked a bunch of celebrities what reality shows they would tackle if given the chance. While most of the answers sounded more like desperate pleas for a job, others were annoying and some were just kind of hilariously misguided. Check out some of the answers after the jump.

The summer of 2000 started out to be a typical one for television: repeats, theatrical movies edited for television, repeats, shows that needed to be burned off because they were so bad, and repeats. It was a formula that hadn't really changed for the Big Three networks in several years. And, it was one that viewers had gotten used to as they mourned the last episode of their favorite series and waited with eagerness for the new season to begin in September.

Then, something happened. CBS decided to air a 'game show' about a group of strangers stranded on a tropical island. Survivor began at the end of May and continued into the end of August. Along the way it gained more and more fans and produced more and more publicity for both the show and the network. By the last episode, on August 23rd, Survivor had become a huge success as well as one of the highest rated original shows ever to air in the summer.

Little did CBS know that this summer replacement show would begin the Reality Revolution and change the landscape of network television forever more.

I've noticed that one of the more overused phrases on reality shows is "I'm not here to make friends." It's that moment in the competition where some controversy/confrontation comes up and the player that everyone seems to dislike the most explains to them that they're "there to win the game" and "not here to make friends." Of course, the fact that many of these people probably can't make friends even in real life probably doesn't even cross their minds.

Now someone has taken a bunch of those "I'm not here to make friends" moments and created a YouTube montage. You'll see contestants from shows like Survivor, The Apprentice, The Amazing Race, America's Next Top Model, The White Rapper Show (whatever that is), Project Runway, Forever Eden, Hell's Kitchen, and other shows. One player even says "I ain't here to make no friends," which is at least a twist on the phrase.

It has gotten to the point where they really have to outlaw this phrase from all reality shows, though I think the phrase would make for an awesome t-shirt.

The new season of The Amazing Race won't premiere until September 28 on CBS. But, you see, the filming is done. The cast and crew of the show have signed strict nondisclosure contracts. You can bet they're not leaking any information.

Now, if we were back in time to the 1950s, there would be no leaks -- less air travel, no internet enabling the average Joe to spread the word. But in today's world it's really hard to have racers running through airports without folks taking notice.

Warning -- Extreme show spoilers after the jump!

Are you anxiously awaiting news of who was in that SUV that exploded? Still fraught with worry over how Gibbs is going to get his team back together? Or maybe you are just excited that Survivor is finally going to be beamed into your living room in glorious HD. Well, you can start making plans for your fall scheduling now. The eye network has released the schedule of premieres for their new and returning shows.

I'm a little concerned about two things on the schedule. First, The New Adventures Of Old Christine and Project Gary lead into Criminal Minds on Wednesday nights. That's an odd pairing, and I don't think bodes well for either of the comedies. And second, The Unit gets shuffled off to Sunday at 10? NCIS and The Unit have done remarkably well paired up on Tuesdays. Good for The Mentalist, not so much for The Unit. The whole thing kicks off with Survivor on September 18th. The rest of the schedule is after the jump.

CBS announced its plans for the 2008-2009 season today. For the most part, things are staying the same, but there are two new sitcoms and four hour dramas planned. Here are the highlights:

Returning: The Big Bang Theory, How I Met Your Mother, Two and a Half Men, The New Adventures of Old Christine, Rules of Engagement, The Unit, Cold Case, Numb3rs, Criminal Minds, The Ghost Whisperer, CSI, CSI: Miami, CSI: NY, NCIS, 60 Minutes, Without A Trace, Survivor, The Amazing Race

Out: Shark, Moonlight, Cane, Kid Nation, Power of 10, Secret Talents of the Stars, Viva Laughlin, Welcome to the Captain

New: The Worst Week, Project Gary, The Ex List, Eleventh Hour, The Mentalist

Mid-season: Harper's Island, Rules of Engagement

Schedule and detailed descriptions of the new shows coming soon, after the jump.

Okay, I admit it. I like reality TV. Or maybe I should say unscripted TV. These days the parsing of the term "reality" has become as much a discussion as the genre itself. And don't kill me for calling it a genre. It is. It's here to stay. As long as producers can come up with ideas that make money and networks give them air time, reality/non-fiction/unscripted television is going to continue to proliferate the tube.

It's not with any great pride that I admit I'm hooked on reality shows -- some reality shows. My favorites include the high quality, classy shows, like The Amazing Race and Top Chef and Project Runway, as well as trashy ones, i.e. The Real Housewives of Orange County (and New York), Hell's Kitchen and Bridezillas. I like some of the competition-oriented shows, but that doesn't stop me from gazing in astonishment at the train wreck docu-series like Hey Paula and Being Bobby Brown. In fact, when I hear Kathy Griffin riffing on those shows -- her imitation of Whitney screaming "Bobby!" is classic -- I want to cry out, "Yes, yes, I watch that one, too."

Okay, here's the pitch. A reality competition show in which American contestants go to other countries and have to adapt. Does that sound like CBS's The Amazing Race? It did to me, but apparently it's not. ABC has ordered an unscripted competition show in which Americans go abroad and face challenges. I guess this is a case of imitation being the sincerest form of flattery?

Nobody would ever confuse Rufus Sewell for Patrick Stewart (Star Trek: The Next Generation), right? Well, super-producer Jerry Bruckheimer has chosen Sewell for the lead in the $4 million pilot of the British drama series Eleventh Hour. Presumably, Rufus will be playing the same role Patrick played, that is Professor Ian Hood, Special Advisor to the government's Joint Sciences Committee, enlisted to tackle all kinds of dangerous threats stemming from science gone awry.

(S12E11) You know, it's tough to actually like all three teams racing for the finish line on The Amazing Race. Other seasons there have always been teams I so didn't want to win the million dollars. This year, what can I say?

The three teams in the run for the win include a father and daughter team, a grandfather and his grandson, and a rather offbeat mellow new-agey, yet throwback couple who get along together amazingly well.

My favorite team coming out of the gate this season was Kynt and Vyxsin, but they're long gone. It's been the Ronald and Christina show the past few weeks. Was it tonight? Finale spoilers after the jump!

(S12E10) Ohh ... it's the penultimate episode of The Amazing Race, determining which three teams will race to the finish on next week's season finale.

Now, I've been rather vocal about one team in particular I really want off of my TV set and out of my nightmares -- Jennifer and Nathan. I'm so adamant that I want them gone that I declared them my favorite team last week (and encouraged readers to join in with me) in an effort to jinx them.

Did our valiant efforts and chanting work? After all, it's rare that I enjoy all three teams in the finale. Could it be...? After the jump.

Finally someone shows some love for Lost, which got itself back on track last season. The Directors Guild announced their nominees for this year's awards. Lost nabbed two nominations in the Dramatic Series category, for "The Looking Glass" and "The Brig." The Sopranos picked up two of the three remaining nominations, saving the last one for AMC's excellent freshmen drama, Mad Men.

On the comedy side, 30 Rock nabbed two nominations, with Desperate Housewives and Entourage picking up one each. And the critical love for ABC's incredibly charming Pushing Daisies continues as it snatches the final spot. But one category in which the Directors think very differently than anyone else is in Reality Programs. Not only is the kitschy Who Wants to be a Superhero? nominated, but is joined by Shooting Sizemore and Pros vs. Joes. The full list, including commercials, documentaries and mini-series after the jump.

(S12E09) This season of The Amazing Race, albeit with an impromptu early start, is going to be heading to the finish line before long. And, with the promos and the episode title of tonight's show, it seems to indicate that one team might be facing some health issues. Perhaps it's a good thing that the finale is but an episode or two away, eh?

After all, the death of a racer would probably blow the show's chances for its next Emmy nod, don't you think?

Yes, I am wasting space here before the jump. If I put any kind of spoiler here on the main page, I just might be croaked. Virtually, but it still hurts.

(S12E08) Sometimes when things seem so perfect, that's when all goes kerflooey. That's often how it goes when I watch reality television shows. I've learned over the years not to become too attached to the teams I'd like to see win. Or, to try not to cheer a team on too much, to be just a bit more realistic about the matter.

Tonight's episode of The Amazing Race brought me back to my vows with a crash and burn I didn't see coming. And I'm not talking about the propane tanks featured on the show. After all, had they crashed and burned ... well, there would be some honest to gosh news, right?

(S12E07) My, it seems like it's been a long time since the last episode of The Amazing Race. Last week's Survivor finale bumped it and the holidays seem to be taking a toll, too. However, tonight's show was indeed worth the wait.

A new twist, a couple of wrong turns, a surprise or two, and ink where you least expect it. But, of course, I won't get to the real skinny until after the jump. I could talk about the weather to fill the pre-jump space. The weather here is windy and rainy. The weather on the race tonight looked splendid.

There. On with the show.