TVSquad

While ABC, NBC, and CBS have historically remained in a cutthroat battle for viewers, each network has shared one common trait: come the season of network promotional campaigns, all actors must be prepared to look absolutely ridiculous.

After the jump ... Remember this pop cultural gem (video below) that gained traction on the Net not too long ago? The sheer oddity of the clip alone forces us to ask ourselves several questions: do these people all live together? Why is Marla Gibbs dressed like an astronaut? Does Bea Arthur do everybody's shoppingl? CAN'T NELL CARTER JUST SIT DOWN AND REST HER FEET FOR A SECOND? (Seriously, give her a break!)

All this month, AOL TV is publishing their list of TV's hottest hunks of all time. That's a lot of hunks, but probably they won't all be memorable to you -- or to me.

Because when were you swooning over TV hunks? When you were a teenager, of course. Unless you are really, really immature. But seriously, I am guessing that beyond the age of 16 or so, you probably didn't plaster any Teen Magazine pin-ups on your bedroom walls.

As a teenager of the '80s, I surely had my favorite TV hunks. Yep, they were plastered on my bedroom walls, too: imagine hunk wallpaper and you've got the idea. So who on TV mingled amongst the movie actors of the Brat Pack?

Ted Danson is one of those actors who just keeps chugging along through the years. He could have easily disappeared after Cheers, but he's been working steadily in both movies and TV.

Becker sort of flew under the radar, but aired from 1998 to 2004. There was the short-lived Help Me Help You in 2006. Danson even voiced a part on King of the Hill (Tom Hammond in "The Accidental Tourist" episode).

But it's his stint as the sinister Arthur Frobisher in Damages that's brought him into the forefront again. It also helped to catapult him into his next gig -- a lead role in HBO's comedy pilot Bored to Death.

We swear we had nothing to do with this, though the timing is perfect for our Cheers Week.

CBS Studios is suing a bar in Rockford, Illinois for using the Cheers name. TMZ has the documents. The court papers say that the bar is not only using the same name as the famous Boston bar from the TV show (which has spawned several other bars and many collectibles), they're also using a similar logo. They're accusing the bar of trademark infringement, false designation of origin, and unfair competition. The name of the bar in question is Cheers of Rockford (here's their web site).

The court documents are really interesting (if long). They really get into the history of the show, what has happened to the show since it ended in 1993, and what trademarks CBS owns. You can also see a comparison of the original Cheers logo and the one used by the Rockford bar.

Welcome to Subtle Subtitles. For those of you who are uninitiated to the purpose of this feature, we're asking you to come up with your funniest quote or description for what's going on in the screen grab we choose for the week. Winners are announced in the following Friday's contest.

Last contest's winner: Dorv

"You know, Dru was a 20th level dungeon master, but I could never get how the bloody game worked..."

This week, I couldn't resist using the image from my Ken Levine and Cheers post ...

Do not adjust your web browser. You are now entering the Retro Squad, where we are reviewing past episodes of classic TV shows.

With the exception of Coach, no one knows exactly what became of the gang at Cheers. What follows is a collection of hypothetical obits for the regulars at everyone's favorite Boston hangout.

Hilary "Norm" Peterson
1948-2002
"Norm" Peterson was struck down by a fatal heart attack after attending a party honoring a friend in Seattle. Mr. Peterson was a loving husband, talented house painter and an accountant. He is survived by his wife Vera, who requests to be left to grieve in private. Services will be held at the The Hungry Heifer in Boston.

"Deedee Chappel. Get ready to unzip your pants!" - Lowell

That's one of my favorite lines in TV history, and I'm happy to say it was uttered in a show I had the pleasure of being an extra in many years ago, NBC's Wings. A great friend of mine, Suzanne, worked on the show and, since I was going out to Los Angeles for a vacation, she got me on the set as an extra. The episode was titled "If It's Not One Thing, It's Your Mother" and guest-starred Debbie Reynolds. It was filmed in October of 1994 and aired on November 22.

Do not adjust your web browser. You are now entering the Retro Squad, where we are reviewing past episodes of classic TV shows.

Welcome back to TVSBTTHB (TV Squad Behind the True Hollywood Biography). For 11 years the bar simply known as Cheers was the place to go. Not only did everyone know your name (particularly if it was 'Norm'), but you were able to get a beer, a story about major league baseball's heyday, some homespun wisdom, a bunch of needless trivia from a postal worker, and perhaps a beer thrown into your face by a hormonal waitress who seems to have been very pregnant. When you left your wallet would be lighter, but a smile would crease your face.

Yet, once the last beer was sold and the final patron walked out the door the employees and patrons of that Boston bar disappeared into its narrow and winding streets, people have been asking the folks here at TVSBTTHB whatever happened to Sam, Diane, Norm, Cliff, and the rest of the Cheers gang. Now, after digging through mounds of beer kegs, Hungry Heifer napkins, and undelivered mail, we have discovered what happened to these folks who seemed to spend all of their waking hours in the bar.

One of our writers, Bob Sassone, introduced me to Ken Levine's blog a couple of years ago. Within a couple of weeks I had his RSS feed in my "Must Always Read" category, and there it remains.

If you don't know who Ken Levine is, if you're any sort of fan of television, it's likely you've seen something he's written: His credits include 36 episodes of Cheers, 16 episodes of M*A*S*H, seven episodes of Frasier, seven episodes of Becker, four episodes of Wings, two episodes of The Simpsons ... and a partridge in a pear tree. In short, the man knows how to write; he's won an Emmy for his writing and even sometimes offers a highly-regarded course on comedy writing, called The Sitcom Room.

Levine's blog is filled with stories from his days with the aforementioned shows, and they're sometimes hilarious, always fascinating. As a friend of TV Squad, and to celebrate the all-things Cheers week of Retro Squad, he's taken the time out to share a new story below. Enjoy!

Do not adjust your web browser. You are now entering the Retro Squad, where we are reviewing past episodes of classic TV shows.

Even when it isn't at its greatest (which, for many fans, hasn't been since season 10) The Simpsons has still provided some great parodies of classic movies and television programs. For instance, in the season four episode "Itchy & Scratchy: The Movie" they did a great parody of the Star Trek movie franchise with Star Trek XII: So Very Tired. I still crack up everytime I see the scene where the severely obese Scotty is telling an aged Captain Kirk that he can't push the warp engines any further.

One of the best things about Norm's character on Cheers is that he made no pretentions about who he was. Norm Peterson liked drinking beer, was a big man who needed a lot of beer, liked to be in a bar with beer, liked to eat along with his beer... you see where I'm going with this?

Norm's insatiable love of beer came with a treasure trove of beer quotes, usually quips back to the bartender -- be it Sam, Coach, or Woody -- when asked what he'd like.

A few classics:

• "Women. Can't live with 'em, pass the beer nuts."

• Sam: Beer, Norm?
  Norm: Have I gotten that predictable? Good.

• Coach: What would you say to a nice beer, Normie?
  Norm: Going down?

• "What's the story, Norm?"
  "Boy meets beer. Boy drinks beer. Boy meets another beer."

Yeah, that's not enough for me, either. It's a good thing Norm's famous quotes, the best Norm quotes, are all over the internet.

The "big" shows are over, and now the typically low-key summer TV schedule begins. Oh sure, there are some real gems in there that are still airing or will start soon, but overall the excitement is nothing like the September-through-May period. Maybe people are ... gasp ... going outside to enjoy the sun?

It's been two years since we first delved into the world of Retro Squad, so we're back now with what we believe is a better format. Rather than pick a few shows and only review one season from each throughout the summer, we're doing theme/show weeks. These weeks will not only have standout episode reviews from any past season, but we'll have themed lists, Vs., interviews and videos. There are only so many weeks in the summer, so we can't cover all of your favorites, but I think there's something for just about everyone here. Check out the schedule below, after the jump.