TVSquad

Welcome back Mort! Boy do I miss the Jerky Boys. The chicken scene was a little long, but the Raiders payoff was worth it. I like the Cleveland back story, who would have thought? Nickel sex has to be a dirty, dirty sin. Even Gary the No-Trash Cougar thinks so. The only reason you ever read the Guinness Book of World Records was to see the guy with the long fingernails and the twins on the bikes. Admit it! I wonder how much that Star Wars license would have cost if this wasn't FOX? It all leads to the question of the day: Do you think Joan Cusack could fit in a mailbox?

How many times can Bart be expelled from Springfield Elementary? So this time it’s Catholic school, wake me when it’s over. Actually I’m glad I stayed awake. It wasn’t a great episode, but when The Simpsons takes on stereotypes and religion it’s always interesting to watch. So take that Popey La Pew! And who would have thought that Marge would have the theme from Hawaii Five-0 as her ringtone? Heaven Riverdance rules!
Best Homerism: Anything is possible with Commander Coo-Coo Bananas in charge.
Couch Gag: Each family member is a balloon. Snowball II pops Homer.

Now that FOX has ushered the end of The Simpsons season three weeks early thanks to two episodes a week, tonight we say adios to season 16 with another doubleheader. This episode reminded me how sexy stupid Flanders is, how enticing flashing banner ads are and how much I want a “First Allergic Reaction” Humble. And the crazy cat-lady flinging felines is always good for a cheap laugh with me.
Best Homerism: What are you kids laughing at and if you say Jimmy Fallon I’ll know you’re lying.
Blackboard Gag: (When was the last time we saw one of them?): A booger is not a bookmark
Couch Gag: The couch was really the “bait” of a deep sea angler fish and it eats them.

Do I have to even point out that the Law and Order opening was genius? No? OK then, I’ll move on. I will reiterate and say again, I am so glad that Family Guy is back. The new episodes make up for any damage that last week’s American Dad did to my brain. Seth's infatuation with the Wonder Twins continues and more disturbing than ever. And I’ll never use mint flavored dental floss again.

So Simpsons storylines are getting thin, huh? Now they’re going after the “Left Behind” franchise. Again this week FOX felt like killing another two episodes in one night so the season ends earlier than it should. Damn them! I will now rattle off some random thoughts: Dumpster buns, shirt wieners, Cannonball Run 2, Rapture for Dummies, Nostra-dumbass and leprechaun labor. And nice “Last Supper” ending. Bravo.

Well, this week I'll share my laisser-faire attitude towards American Idol. If I said I have no idea who Fantasia Barrino is, would you hold it against me? Two weeks in the row for failed guest voices, oh well. Why can’t the real American Idol get a trap door “flavor hole"? It might make it more interesting. Lenny Leonard continues with his one-liners and Krusty gets the best quote, “I have to record 27 seasons of DVD commentary and I remember nothing!” So the episode didn’t totally suck, except for Flanders.

Couch Gag: Get Smart

Was the list of failed Fox shows that Peter rattles off payback enough? The fact they left Greg the Bunny for last was certainly on purpose and almost makes up for it. Disturbing Honeymooners, Pinocchio and Mel Gibson clips puts The Family Guy back in stride. It’s like they never left. I think the best part of the show is that I can sense every time some uptight viewer was “outraged”. I love it. And a cameo from Flint too! Yo Joe! Glad it’s back. As long as fans can prove that big corporations can make millions more off of us, we get what we want.

Skinner’s Swingline attack and the re-opening of the show with overweight Bart made up for the boredom that the first show made me sit through. The stapler-remover medic and Bart’s heavier skateboard ride was good enough to cause out-loud guffaws. And I can’t help but love any character voiced by Albert Brooks. <Homer>That man is more of a genius than that genius guy that talks like a computer.</Homer> Oh, Simpsons, how can I every stay mad at you.

Best Homerism: Do the Bart Man! Why don’t you dance!

Couch gag: Couch is on a catapult and sends the family flying.

So, I was never caught up in the whole Everyone Loves Raymond whirlwind. I didn’t care when it debuted, and don’t really care that Ray Romano is on The Simpsons. Not that I dislike Ray Romano, Mannnny the Mammoth was good voice-over, but he didn’t help this episode. No one could help this episode. As I brace for two new episodes and the first new Family Guy in years, Fox and I got off on the wrong foot. I felt it was the weakest Simpsons this season with terrible use of a genius. I could use a line from the comic book guy, but that’s so cliché.

Couch gag: Simpsons jigsaw puzzle where the faces of Homer and Maggie are switched.

Another future-based Simpsons episode (we haven’t had one of those for a few seasons) with a few reminders of that “other” Groening cartoon. This time we see Bart and Lisa at their final years of high school. I find something very disturbing-looking about Springfield Elementary students in their teens. Kudos to Kodos on TiVo, complete with annoying blurps. I’ll give the episode high marks for one-liners that should be repeated often to annoy those around you that aren’t “cool” enough to recite Simpsons episodes by heart. The first person you see tomorrow, commiserate this with them: No one’s gay for Moleman. Couch Gag - Various Transformers vehicles (the robot toys from the 80’s and beyond) drive in and transform into the family. Homer is Optimus Prime. Smell ya later.