TVSquad

Here's my theory -- if Paris would've dropped a big wet smoocher on Seacrest while he was trailing her with that battery pack, then she wouldn't have gone home tonight. It would have been the perfect climatic moment during her performance of Prince's "Kiss," and God (being a huge Idol fan, and understanding the ironic nature of the moment) would have shifted some votes away from Elliott and given them to poor Paris. But alas, that didn't happen and Paris is going home, and Elliott (her partner in the bottom two) has survived another week.

Paris' wardrobe choices? Silly. Paula's jewelry? Weird. Taylor's dance moves? Silly weird. Another great night to be an American Idol fanatic! And when I say "great," I mean "freaking bizarre!" As far as musical talent goes, this was no musical standards/Rod Stewart needs a plug night.

But tonight was completely entertaining.

I'm not shocked at Ace getting the boot. His number has been up since he couldn't top "Father Figure." (Ugh, that was like the first week, right? And did you notice that Queen was not in his "Bad Day" montage? Ha ha ha!) But Chris in the bottom 3?!?!?! I suppose that America is to blame. We let him down. That's what Paula is going to tell us next Tuesday, I'm sure. But, I guess we are to blame. I didn't vote for Chris last night. I felt sorry for Ace, so I voted for him. It was a sympathy vote that I wish I could take back. I figured that Chris would slip into the bottom 3 at least once (before triumphantly winning this whole thing), but not until a later date. I know this sounds silly, and only confirms my complete absorption into AI addiction, but I felt a little bit nauseas when I saw Chris standing there next to Ace. The mere thought of Chris going home prematurely made me want to throw up. So, that confirms it -- I'm officially a member of Team Chris. I'm pledging my allegiance right now.

You know what they didn't have a lot of back in the old days? Lyrics. Yeah, I know that the lyrics of most modern songs kind of suck. But never before did I realize how many times the chorus is repeated in older songs. It had to be you. It had to be you. It had to be you. But they are beautiful songs. But the outfits were ugly.

Not Rod, of course. He always looks sexy in his skinny, high-water suits. But Chris...

(S05E18) About half-way through last night's Smallville, my roommate suddenly proclaimed, "This is the gayest Smallville ever!" I don't know about gayest, but it was pretty lame. It was one of your typical freak-of-the-week episodes that I wish would've disappeared by the 5th season. But nope. In this (not so) special episode, Clark and Martha take in a foster girl who has the ability to control glass, i.e. shatter glass, i.e. accidentally kill her previous foster mom. 

This episode marked Tom Welling's directorial debut. It's sort of hard for me to judge Tom's directing chops when the writing was so lame. There really wasn't a lot going on here in terms of plot, and I don't think that Tom helped things out in terms of direction. The scenes between him and the young girl went on foooooorever. Chemistry, they do not have.   

This week's Results Show should have been renamed Make Everybody's Parents Cry Show because that's what it was. I was actually confused at first -- why were the contestants crying at their parents videos? It's not like they are on Survivor and don't get to see them every week. Heck, half of their parents are in the audience every night. They probably see their family more than I get to see mine. Then, I thought maybe they were crying at hearing their parents say such nice things about them. But that doesn't make sense because parents always gush over their kids. Even when their kids sorta suck. Then, I realized that they were crying because they are all physically and mentally exhausted. They are crying 'cause they just want to go home...but not really.

But Bucky is going home. I think that he's a great guy, but no way was he ever going to become the next American Idol. So, I don't really shed too many tears for Bucky. Ace and Elliott were the other two at the bottom. But what was weird about tonight was that I honestly think Ace was convinced that he was going home. Absolutely convinced of it. And, I was a little bit worried when Elliott was brought into the bottom three and asked to sing on the spot. For a moment, I thought that it was going to be some sort of wacky Idol trick where they just eliminated him on the spot. Luckily, they just had an hour of television to kill.

Next week, Rod Stewart takes over. Notify your moms and aunts, 'cause you know they love him. Love him.

I don't think I've ever anticipated an American Idol theme night more than this. Like many of you, I typically hate the theme nights. It feels like someone stole the song selection book at a karaoke bar, and left only one page for drunken patrons to choose from. But I was excited for tonight --simply because I thought it would suck. I thought it would be a disastrous mess of awkward and uncomfortable song choices and bad Freddie Mercury impressions. And, I was absolutely convinced that Taylor Hicks would wear a fake moustache (a semi-gray fake moustache, of course). But tonight was pretty good. It was entertaining to say the least.

Don't get me wrong. At times, it sucked. But more trying to drink a McDonald's thick shake through a straw suck, than Dyson vacuum suck. There was something very triumphantly sucky about tonight and I loved it.