TVSquad

Oh man, I've been patiently twiddling my thumbs for the last 3 hours until the finale aired on the West Coast, so I could finally post this. Taylor Hicks is our new American Idol, and I couldn't be happier. Well, I could be (sigh...Chris). But if I can't have Chris, then I'm happy with the Silver Fox. (I hate that nickname by the way. It makes me feel like I've got a crush on an old man. What's the opposite of being a pedophile? Is there a word for that? 'Cause I might have it.) They really took it down to the last minute too. I was biting my nails at 1 hour and 59 minutes, worried that my TiVo was about to pop up with the dreaded "Erase Now? or Save?" quandary. I felt like I was Mr. Eko on Lost, watching that damn clock. But right at the final seconds, Ryan said Taylor's name. Yes! The crazy windmill-dancing bastard pulled it off! I understand why Taylor's dad was crying, but why was David Hasselhoff?

My favorite thing about the Idol finale isn't the performances, but playing "Where's Waldo?" with the random B-list celebrities in attendance. My question is, why do some of them get their names closed captioned while others do not? And, who was the nitwit that mistakenly identified Tori Spelling as one of "Taylor's Family & Friends"?

I have to admit that I wasn't really excited about tonight...  

I'll confess to this -- I did cry after watching Elliott's homecoming footage. I'm not the type of person who typically cries at a reality show montage, especially for one involving an Amish leprechaun (as one reader expertly described him.) But I'll fess up to crying tonight. I sniffled and thought, "man, it's going to be sad when he gets eliminated tonight." But then I shrugged my shoulders and remembered ... I don't like Elliott. Never have. But my tears were real, and not faux like Ryan's sexuality or Paula's boobs. I am slightly embarrassed that I broke down so easily. But hey, you gotta admit that seeing his mom choke up during Elliott's parade was a tear jerking Music/Variety/Game Show moment.

It was a good send off for a kid that nobody really thought would make it this far. (Oh, except Paula, of course.)

Anna Johns asks a very important question -- with Chris gone, does anybody still care about American Idol? My answer is yes and no. Chris was my number one dude, and I'm destroyed that he's gone. The thrill of the game has left me. I no longer feel the shrill of excitement every Tuesday when Chris takes the stage. I am now filled with blood lust, and I thirst for the demise of Elliott. I don't blame America for Chris' untimely elimination. I blame Elliott. I'm not exactly sure why, but somehow he is at fault. It's certainly not me. Taylor deserves to be in the finale, and so did Chris. Katharine? Eh, I guess. Elliott? Not so much.

With Chris gone, I have a new reason to watch Idol. I want Taylor to destroy them. Destroy them all. When we first met Taylor, he seemed the most unlikely candidate for American Idol. He's got gray hair. He's kinda tubby. And he looks like he's taking a dump when when he sings. This whole season has been absurd, so why not end it with a fireworks display of absurdity. I want Elliott and Katharine to be buried alive under the avalanche of votes that Taylor will receive. I want every man, woman, and child to vote for Taylor. I want more Americans to vote for Taylor then there are actually in America. I want Mexicans to illegally swarm over the border like locusts, with their Cingular Wireless phones in hand, just so they can vote for Taylor. I want him to destroy those other two. I want Taylor to rise from Chris' fallen ashes and pour acid rain all over Elliott and Katharine. I know that being bitter over Chris won't bring him back, but it makes me feel a hell of a lot better.  

(S05E22) Smallville really takes a lot out of you with the season finales. They take the concept of a cliffhanger and just screw you up the butt with it. Yup, I said it. I feel a little bit sodomized after tonight's episode. It's the same thing every season -- the long, drawn-out climax and then ugh...it sorta hurts there at the end.

And, this season's finale was no different.   

In what can only be described as the most upsetting moment in my musical/variety/game show existence, Chris Daughtry has been eliminated from American Idol. This is a disaster! I am angry pissed. I am absolutely at a loss for words. I know it's only a TV show and I shouldn't be so upset by it, but I am. It wasn't his time to go. He should have won. He was my next American Idol.

And I hate the way that it happened. It all happened too fast; it didn't even seem real. Ryan paired Elliott and Taylor together, then Katharine and Chris. Elliott and Taylor were safe. And then ... then ... then ... before I could even register what was going on, Seacrest half-ass mumbles, "Chris, a lot of people thought you'd be the next American Idol, but you're going home tonight." It was horribly shocking, and not in the good way that Lost is shocking. This is bull crap. This is a big pile of crap. This is a big pile of crap, piled on top of more crap, and Ryan Seacrest is on top of that pile of crap. It should have been Elliott for his weeks and weeks of not bringing it. Or, if we are going by an isolated bad night, then it should have been Katharine. But Chris? No, not Chris. It wasn't his time. It wasn't his time. It wasn't his time!

It's always been a dream of mine to take a road trip to Tennessee to visit Graceland and Dollywood -- a white trash pilgrimage of sorts. I don't foresee that happening any time soon, so I'll make do with American Idol's homage to Elvis, and keep my fingers crossed for Dolly's night next season.

Everything about tonight was backwards -- the favorites sorta sucked, and Elliott finally found his moment to shine. My crappy internet connection keeps going out, so enough of the pleasantries...let's do this! 

(S03E24) Prom is over and enter the aftermath. But surprise, surprise...Volchok? Not dead. Thank God. Don't get me wrong, I don't particularly care if the guy lives or dies, but it would have just been bizarro times infinity if another one of Marissa's love interests ended up in the morgue. She does seem to like them on the brink of death.

But nope, Ryan rushes (not really, more like leisurely drives) Volchok to the hospital during a trippy, light-filled montage, and Volchok awakes without even seeing a doctor. Volchok (ever the good guy) doesn't sell Ryan out and claims he was jumped by a group of thugs. But it turns out that Volchok is not "ever the good guy."

(S05E21) Whew. I don't know how I feel about last night's episode. Basically, it confused the crap out of me, but I think that was the point. It was all just a tease for the finale, which is next Thursday.

Still, there was a lot of stuff that the writers could have tidied up a bit. Namely, the Kryptonian Alphabet.How come Clark can't read Kryptonian letters? Didn't he learn Kryptonian back in like Season 2? Here is Lionel handing him a treasure map of Kryptonian goodness and Clark just shrugs and goes, "What does it say? I don't know." That was just dumb.

Here's my theory -- if Paris would've dropped a big wet smoocher on Seacrest while he was trailing her with that battery pack, then she wouldn't have gone home tonight. It would have been the perfect climatic moment during her performance of Prince's "Kiss," and God (being a huge Idol fan, and understanding the ironic nature of the moment) would have shifted some votes away from Elliott and given them to poor Paris. But alas, that didn't happen and Paris is going home, and Elliott (her partner in the bottom two) has survived another week.

Paris' wardrobe choices? Silly. Paula's jewelry? Weird. Taylor's dance moves? Silly weird. Another great night to be an American Idol fanatic! And when I say "great," I mean "freaking bizarre!" As far as musical talent goes, this was no musical standards/Rod Stewart needs a plug night.

But tonight was completely entertaining.

I'm not shocked at Ace getting the boot. His number has been up since he couldn't top "Father Figure." (Ugh, that was like the first week, right? And did you notice that Queen was not in his "Bad Day" montage? Ha ha ha!) But Chris in the bottom 3?!?!?! I suppose that America is to blame. We let him down. That's what Paula is going to tell us next Tuesday, I'm sure. But, I guess we are to blame. I didn't vote for Chris last night. I felt sorry for Ace, so I voted for him. It was a sympathy vote that I wish I could take back. I figured that Chris would slip into the bottom 3 at least once (before triumphantly winning this whole thing), but not until a later date. I know this sounds silly, and only confirms my complete absorption into AI addiction, but I felt a little bit nauseas when I saw Chris standing there next to Ace. The mere thought of Chris going home prematurely made me want to throw up. So, that confirms it -- I'm officially a member of Team Chris. I'm pledging my allegiance right now.