TVSquad

(S03E07) "L.A. has made us soft. You used to be able to run for Lexington Avenue with the best of them. Elbowing the investment wankers out of the way. Your cell phone in one hand, mammoth ball sack in the other hand, Hollywood Reporter between your teeth. Not even breathing so you wouldn't inhale the $&*$ing piss stench." - Hank to Charlie

So now that the No. 1 Missus wants the family back, with Hank included, he's got to get the rest of his conquests out of his system. In the real world, such a thing would be easy to do. Call each one of them up, tell them it's been fun but we've all got to settle down eventually and this is that time. Hang up the phone and never leave your home or greet another human being in person until the big settle down day.

But this is television. Nothing is ever that simple, especially for a cat like Hank Moody, a man who sees simple as a wussy excuse to go through life.

He clearly has deep feelings towards the three other women in his life and doesn't want to be the guy who tosses these women out on their toned and extremely tap-able asses. But as every guy who tried to shake a woman without hurting their feelings knows, that just makes them love you more, or so I've been told.

Jackie's went a little over the top, but it's hard to expect less when the Dean catches a student taking a face nap in his crotch. Jill's break-up that didn't go exactly as planned was very funny between Jill's jaw drops at the sight of his ex-fiance and Hank's jilted gay STD soliloquy. The meeting with Felicia didn't feel as genuine. Out of all the three he should succumb to, why the cold yuppie bitch who only wants to cash in her infidelity chip to even the score with her stiff-as-a-Redwood husband? Was it just to show up the uber-douche? I didn't understand it, but I did like the "word tea" comeback. I'm begging to the invisible God in the sky that some equal, real world uber-douche uses that phrase on me in the real world so I can throw right back in their face.

It was nice to see Runkle standing up for himself against "The Client" as IMDB labeled Peter Fonda's role. Fonda really had fun with the character, whether he was playing himself or just another random face from Sue's sordid past, and gave Runkle the confidence builder he needs to soften his marshmallow L.A. exterior that Hank told him he needed to break. I love how this show doesn't feel the need to solve every single problem in the span of a single episode. It gives them time to develop some real emotion and either create new problems or an actual funny or surprising ending. It's the evil twin of all the According to Jim's out there, except According to Jim is evil.

And speaking of evil, Chelsea has blown out my last good nerve. She's clearly just using Hank's daughter Becca as a convenience friend, someone she can control and corrupt for her own twisted needs. And the person you should be angry at isn't Becca, but Hank for not stepping up and doing the Dad thing that Becca so clearly needs, whatever the hell that is. Why does someone so obsessed with the female condition have such a problem understanding it? Hell, he's giving a guy like me #*$&ing hope.

[Watch clips of Californication at SlashControl.]