TVSquad

(S13E05) Benny Ninja invaded America's Next Top Model this week trying to teach the girls how to emote with their bodies. As long as he doesn't try creating stupid words like "Smize" or "H2T," he's good in my book. All the girls felt really bland this episode, probably because Bianca is gone and she's not ruffling any feathers.

Mr. Ninja needed some help and called on Lil Mama and the JabbaWokeeZ. Lil Mama? That's like trying to get Kim Kardashian to judge models. Wait, she is? I knew Tyra Banks was insane, but all the guests this year take the cake.

Apparently Lil Mama isn't just lip glossin'. ANTM claims that she's also a dancer and choreographer. I thought she was just trying to be the Paula Abdul of America's Best Dance Crew. With the help of the JabbaWokeeZ, they try to teach the girls happiness, sadness, and anger. Nicole continues to pronounce JabbaWokeeZ as the Lewis Caroll "Jabberwocky." The girls are given a challenge to emote happiness, sadness, and anger with only their bodies. The girls are placed in predetermined groups to balance out Ashley's dancer skills:

1) Jennifer, Kara, Rae
2) Britney, Sundai, Laura
3) Erin, Ashley, Nicole

The JabbaWokeeZ do a quick performance that was nowhere near as good as their performance on Dancing with the Stars Tuesday night. I found the whole challenge hysterical. With the exception of team one, the other two sucked. Who realistically thinks of double dutch as happiness? Where they watching the first episode of Cycle 12? Team three has a mosh pit and pull at each other for angry, while team two tries a spinning punch that kept going after the music ended. Even Lil' Mama deserved better. Team one easily won, banking $17,000 in Rhonda Faber Green jewelry.

The girls are woken up early and sent to Las Vegas.They walk into the Cirque du Soleil theater. I imagined the scene from Knocked Up where Seth Rogen starts tripping on 'shrooms. Mr. Jay arrives as one of the performers and easily fits in. If Tyra fires him, at least he has something to fall back on. He explains that they will have to pose with some of the performers. Mike Rosenthal is the photographer. The girls were in groups of three, shuffled from the dance challenge. This time the girls are broken down as:

1) Brittany, Jennifer, Rae
2) Sundai, Nicole, Erin
3) Ashley, Kara, Laura

Most of the girls do well except for Jennifer, Kara, Nicole, and Ashley. I think that Nicole's dress hindered her performance: unless she contorted to an extreme, fringe dresses will follow gravity and show little shape. Nigel did tell her not to contort , but like every girl on this show who gets criticism she manages the same faux pas: she follows the criticism to the extreme. Nicole got "don't contort" so she didn't pose.

At judging, our guest judge is Josie Maran, a 5′6" model. It turns out that one model messed it up for the girls in each photo. In the first shoot it was Jennifer; we got to see some of her horrible shots where she doesn't have her eyes open and she's looking away. I need to find a screenshot of that. Group two's weakest link was Nicole, her best shot looked like her ear was glued to her shoulder. Group three had Ashley who looked pedestrian. As for the rest of the girls Brittany was called the Bride of Frankenstein and Laura apparently climaxed in her shot. Sundai would have had the best shot if it wasn't for Nicole, except for the fact that Sundai's armpits needed a lot of photo retouching.

The best photo is a group shot. The winners are: Brittany, Rae, and Jennifer. The rest of the girls were called individually: Laura, Nicole, Sundai, and Erin. The bottom two are Kara (she hasn't broken through) and Ashley (failed dancer). Ashley is sent home. As Ashley says her goodbyes, I hate this cycle's new fadeout sequence song. Auto-tuning the word "Top Model" does not connote quality.

Next week the girls have a go-sees challenge where they are allowed to drive. Their shoot involves warriors and suspending the girls next week. Did the right girl go home? Leave comments below.