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(S09E02) Last night the men brought the energy, but tonight it's the women's turn to bring their A-game to Dancing with the Stars. We begin with the women's professional routine, and they are equally as uncoordinated as the men dancing solo last night. Ironically, both Chelsie and Lacey incorporated contemporary moves in their solo, as if it was So You Think You Can Dance.

The celebrities make their way down the stairs, and they all still look fresh-faced and happy to be there. We'll see who still looks happy when the stress and the bruises kick in. Tonight, the women have either the Salsa or Viennese Waltz. In the relay, they either have the Cha-Cha or Foxtrot.

Round 1

Debi Mazar & Maksim Chmerkovskiy – Salsa – Debi admits to dancing in the 80s, and they show a hilarious clip negating my image of her from Entourage. Maks seems excited, but dislikes her lack of attention span and her talkative nature. Their opening sequence starts decently until her feet start to slip. I like how Debi attempted several tricks, but she looked down often, and her arm movements were never where they were supposed to be.

Len thought that she lacked the correct hip action, but he sees potential. Bruno liked the breast jiggling, but she kept putting the weight on the back, and her timing was bad. Carrie Ann admits that the girls have it harder on this show; she pointed out that Debi looked confused the whole time. Score: 16 (6, 5, 5).

Melissa Joan Hart & Mark Ballas – Viennese Waltz – Melissa is the oldest of eight kids and has two kids of her own? Wow. During training, she suffers from bad posture. As they started, I gagged a little bit: "Time of my Life" by David Cook? The dance had elegance and grace, but I may be pairing the dance with the moment David Cook won American Idol. I loved Melissa's expression of "I'm actually doing this!"

Bruno gives Melissa an evil laugh. He called it prim and proper, but it lacked the performance factor. Carrie Ann likes several moments that matched the music, but says she lacked the ability to connect to the beat of the music. Len thought the beginning was too sweet; he appreciates the holds and movement, and suggests fixing her footwork. Score: 18 (6, 6, 6).

Mya & Dmitry Chaplin – Viennese Waltz – Mya was a tap dancer, but has never done ballroom before. During the practices, she was humbled by how slowly she picked up everything. Their dance is definitely smooth, and her performance skills kicked in immediately. Her arms were quite expressive, and she showed passion in her face.

Carrie Ann thought Mya set the bar high. The quality was great, and her musicality definitely helped. Len thought that there wasn't enough hold for the Viennese Waltz. Bruno quickly gets up and defends Mya. He thinks she was magnificent. Len gets the last word: Mya is a good dancer, but Dimitry's choreography let them down. Score: 21 (8, 5, 8).

Kathy Ireland & Tony Dovolani – Salsa – Kathy Ireland gained some baby weight and like every older woman on this show, is probably doing this for all the mothers out there. Even as a model, she's not coordinated and she can't count the beats. Their salsa is a little stiff, but Kathy tried her best. The thing that irked me the most was that she kept having her arms on her waist throughout the performance.

Len sees the potential, but it lacked energy and sizzle. Bruno thought she didn't sell the salsa because there was no sex appeal. Carrie Ann likes Kathy's posture, but it didn't fit for salsa. She needs to loosen up. Score: 16 (6, 5, 5).

Natalie Coughlin & Alec Mazo – Salsa – Natalie got shadowed by Michael Phelps in the Beijing Olympics. When she concentrates, she makes an angry face. Natalie shows a lot of potential with her flexibility and above average hip motions for week one.

Bruno thought she had the right shapes, the problem was that she froze in the middle. Carrie Ann sees her potential, but her musicality is a little off. Len was bewildered because the salsa was too complacent. Score: 19 (7, 6, 6).

Macy Gray & Jonathan Roberts – Viennese Waltz – Jonathan is totally confused by Macy Gray's eccentricity. I would be, too, if I had to jump countries while teaching waltz. The spacey attitude works well for a waltz, so she seems to glide smoothly across the floor. I love how her head was still going everywhere. Mysteriously, the dance was pretty to watch.

Carrie Ann was fascinated by the dance. The technique was horrible, but her performance was pure. Len loved her charm and would vote for her if he was sitting at home. Bruno knows how endearing she is to watch, but Macy needs to work on technique. Score: 15 (6, 4, 5).

Joanna Krupa & Derek Hough – Salsa – Joanna took a little bit of dance lessons when she was young, but stopped because of funding issues. Derek has done well with models before, and Joanna hopes she can learn from him. She definitely has potential to dance, and Derek's choreography really helps accentuate her assets. I couldn't stop staring at the wiggling pants; they were actually moving.

Len finally got his smoking salsa. Bruno loved the sexiness and seductiveness. He applauds Derek's choreography. Carrie Ann thought it was also hot and predicts her going far. Score: 24 (8, 8, 8).

Kelly Osbourne & Louis van Amstel – Viennese Waltz – Kelly has a dream of being a little princess. We get a faux-segment from the Osbournes where Ozzy screams for Sharon. I think Louis was invigorated from his time on So You Think You Can Dance and his choreography shows. Kelly was really into the performance. Not only do Ozzy and Sharon approve, so do Latoya and Jermaine Jackson. I love how Sharon became the proud mother in the audience. I personally was blown away by Kelly.

Bruno loved how she transformed; she had grace and elegance. Carrie Ann loved it, except that she lifted her foot. Len called it the best Viennese Waltz of the night. Score: 23 (7, 8, 8).

Round 2 – Relay Round

Group 1: Natalie, Kathy, Joanna, Debi – Foxtrot – The girls all struggle with posture problems, but Debi manages to smack Maks in the face. Natalie starts first, and it's smooth and shows grace. Kathy comes in, and I realize that this may be a hard round to judge. Derek's choreograph comes into play again as Joanna glides across the floor. As Debi finishes, I see that she will be better in ballroom than in Latin.

Carrie Ann liked Joanna, Kathy's footwork needs help, and Debi was pushing Maks around. Len liked Natalie and Joanna. Bruno saw the ease with Natalie. Joanna was still smoking, and Debi needed to control her energy.

Scores:
1) Joanna & Derek - 10
2) Natalie & Alec - 8
3) Debi & Maks - 6
4) Kathy & Tony – 4

Group 2: Macy, Melissa, Mya, Kelly - Cha-Cha – It seems like everyone is nervous about Mya, but everyone struggles in practice. Macy starts off first, and she continues to provide that weird porn dance mouth. She just walks into place most of the time. Melissa starts off really awkward, but when she got into the hold, she got better. Mya comes in all legs; she has the sex appeal down. Kelly comes in and surprises me, she's a lot faster and her legs can really move. She slips right at the end, but has a blast.

Len thought that Macy suffered, Melissa was better than her first dance, Mya had great hips, and Kelly had a first-class dance. Bruno thought the timing was better for Macy, Melissa needs to have fun, Mya can hit the beats, and Kelly was surprising to him. Carrie Ann thinks Macy needs to work harder, Melissa improved, Mya and Kelly were great.


Scores:
1) Mya & Dmitry - 10
2) Kelly & Louis - 8
3) Melissa & Mark - 6
4) Macy & Jonathan – 4

Overall Scores:

High
Joanna & Derek – 34
Mya & Dmitry – 31
Kelly & Louis – 31
Natalie & Alec - 27

Low
Melissa & Mark - 24
Debi & Maks - 22
Kathy & Tony - 20
Macy & Jonathan - 19

Who's going home? If Macy doesn't go home, it's because she has a bigger fanbase. Kathy is probably screwed for being forgettable. She will probably continue the trend of the older woman going home early (Belinda Carlisle, Paulina Porizkova). Poor Tony. He got really lucky with a partner last season, and now he has a lemon. Leave your comments on who shined and who sucked.

Missed any tidbits? Catch the full episode of DWTS on SlashControl.