TVSquad

(S09E01) We begin the ninth season of Dancing with the Stars with a men's professional routine. As good as all the men are, it's just not as compelling as women's flowing (or non-existent) dresses. Tom and Samantha welcome us to the show and reminds us that there are minor twists, including extra double eliminations. Our first twist is the Relay: basically a rehashed group dance.

We welcome our dancers for the first time down the stairs. While the women aren't performing tonight, they descend and sit in the audience. Macy Gray wanders down the stairs totally confused to as where she is.

Round 1

Aaron Carter & Karina Smirnoff – Cha-Cha – I'm digging the 180-camera the show is using for introductions. Aaron comes in and immediately admits to wearing his sisters' heels. It's going to be an interesting season. He comes off as the drugged out version of Cody Linley: awkward young white male. He continues the boy band trend on this show and impressed me early. He's nowhere as stiff as Cody, even though he has no clue where to point his appendages.

We start judging with Len, and he sees the potential in Aaron. Nick and the rest of the Backstreet Boys applaud from the audience. Bruno thinks he dances too sharp and needs control. Carrie Ann is creepily turned on, but thought it was a good opening. Score: 22 (7, 8, 7).

Chuck Liddell & Anna Trebunskaya - Foxtrot - Anna met Chuck at the gym and he shows her his kickboxing skills. Anna finds him scary, so her big goal is to make sure he smiles. When the music starts, you know it's going downhill when the hat struggles to stay on. Chuck's foxtrot is really robotic and you could see the stress on his face; he was counting while making a sour face when he messed up.

Bruno thought the dance was rough and everything basically sucked. Carrie Ann likes the charm, but he needs to work on his movement. Len thought it was better than he expected; he suggests Chuck find his feminine side. Score: 16 (6, 5, 5)

Mark Dacascos & Lacey Schwimmer – Cha-Cha - I think I'm going to be happily surprised by Mark. He may make Asian stereotype jokes, but he's genuinely excited to be here. Of course, production gives him "Kung Fu Fighting." The dancing has a lot of potential, and his flexibility will definitely come to his advantage in the future. To continue the stereotypes, the song ended with a gong.

Carrie Ann sees the potential, but his arms need to be less sharp. Len doesn't like gimmicks, so he's hoping that the kung fu disappears next week. Bruno thought it was partially good; Mark still can't get the heel and toe leads right. Score: 21 (7, 7, 7).

Ashley Hamilton & Edyta Sliwinska – Foxtrot – Edyta finds Ashley to be a little bit of a challenge. He's had several accidents, and his left side isn't as strong. When they begin, I never thought I'd hear Mika on DWTS, but the two use it as well as they can. Ashley looked down several times, and his arm extensions need a lot of help.

Len thought the basic steps were right, but still rough. Bruno can see the similarities with George Hamilton except that he has no charm. Carrie Ann thought that he was forgettable. Score: 15 (5, 6, 4).

Donny Osmond & Kym Johnson – Foxtrot – Donny reminds us that Marie was third after an insane doll performance. Whenever Kym tries to teach him something intimate, he starts laughing and getting nervous. As the two dance it shows he has the kind of charisma that can b/s his way through a performance. I also think he got an easy song to foxtrot to ("All that Jazz").

Bruno loved the theatrics, but his holds are poor. Carrie Ann agrees and knows he'll survive with America's vote. Len thought that it was over the top and he needed more ballroom in the performance. Score: 20 (7, 6, 7).

Louie Vito & Chelsie Hightower – Foxtrot – Louie admitted that he's never actually seen the show before and he's only 5'5". Chelsie is an intense teacher and she tapes his head to the dreaded shoulder bar. There is definitely a minor slip-up in the beginning, but it looks like Louie is having a fun time. Although he constantly licks his lips in nervousness, I thought his timing was decent, until they ended when Chelsie turned after the music was done.

Carrie Ann knows he's never danced and he was slipping a little in the shoe. Len dislikes his snowboarder's hair, but his technique was good. Bruno compared him to a dancing Hobbit, but he sees potential. Score: 19 (6, 7, 6).

Michael Irvin & Anna Demidova – Cha-Cha – Michael admits that he's doing the show to do better than Jerry Rice. Anna gets a hula hoop to unlock Michael's hips. Michael starts off the dance with a little solo work which I think is the loosest he was in the whole performance. He bumbled his way around the floor, seemingly walking into place in several spots.

Len thought it wasn't a good opener, and the dance needs more content. Bruno thought that the Cha-Cha was really poor. Carrie Ann knows he has move charisma, but Anna needs to add content into the dance. Score: 13 (5, 4, 4).

Tom Delay & Cheryl Burke – Cha-Cha – I love how they showed pictures of Tom with Bush and Cheney in his clip. Tom seems excited about learning, but is quite stiff. I was expecting Tom to dance similarly to Cloris Leachman; he's definitely better with the help of Cheryl using better choreography.

Bruno thought the Cha-Cha was decent, but the air guitar was odd. Carrie Ann thought the basic steps were nice and Tom was light on his feet. Len thought the Cha-Cha section was good, but the hip-shaking was bad. Score: 16 (6, 5, 5).


Round 2 – Relay Dances

Group 1: Ashley, Chuck, Donny, Louie – Salsa – This is basically the face-off that the show uses in the final three, except there is no group dancing at the end. While all the couples think of different techniques, Donny falls on his ass.

Ashley starts off first, and Edyta ramping up her sex appeal definitely helps. Chuck is second and although his arms are awkward, he's smiling the whole time. Donny follows and he definitely shows his showman skills. Louie comes in with a flip like Derek Hough would; the two bring in the youth and spunk.

Carrie Ann is convinced that Donny smoked the group, but was also impressed by Chuck. Len thought Ashley failed, but Donny had rhythm. Bruno loved Donny, as well, but noted Chuck's passion in this performance.

Scores:
1) Donny & Kym - 10
2) Louie & Chelise - 8
3) Chuck & Anna - 6
4) Ashley & Edyta – 4

Group 2: Aaron, Mark, Michael, Tom – Viennese Waltz – While the couples practice, Aaron keeps getting dizzy, Mark feels too stiff, Tom wants to be demur, and Michael suffers from tempo issues and posture.

Aaron starts and although it seems a little frantic, it's quite good. Mark and Lacey slow it down just a little, but the two seem to lack content. Cheryl knows how to make 30 seconds look longer and Tom fits his mature character better. Michael stays in place for a little too long for me to appreciate a Viennese Waltz, but I'm blaming Anna's choreography.

Len thought Tom needed to be smoother, but liked Mark. Bruno liked how Aaron worked the floor, Mark's lines, Michael improved a little. Carrie Ann thought Michael was elegant; she liked the other three, as well.

Scores:
1) Aaron & Karina –10
2) Mark & Lacey – 8
3) Michael & Anna – 6
4) Tom & Cheryl – 4


Overall Scores

High:
Aaron & Karina – 32
Donny & Kym – 30
Mark & Lacey – 29
Louie & Chelsie – 27

Low:
Chuck & Anna T.– 22
Tom & Cheryl – 20
Ashley & Edyta– 19
Michael & Anna D. – 19

Who's going home? I don't think Ashley stood out at all. He probably has the smallest fan base versus the other two (Michael and Tom) near the bottom. Although I'd be very disappointed not seeing Edyta for the rest of the season, this gives a little more time for the two Anna's to shine. There's a small chance that Chuck may get the early boot, but I think that the three point difference may be enough to keep him around another week.