I realize all writers, reporters and bloggers are supposed to be objective or at least attempt to pull a thin veil of objectivity over their work. There are, however, some things that just can't be overcome because of basic human logic, emotions or feelings. So here it goes. I HATE MAYO. And since this Paper Chase-ish diatribe is clearly going to be about Miracle Whip, I know you're thinking "Whahuh?" as your brain screeches to a cartoonish halt. "But Miracle Whip isn't mayo."
Yes, it is. Miracle Whip is just mayo with an extra sweetener or two and if anyone wishes to debate that with me, stop and think about the stand you are actually about to take in life. Arguing about which Darren from Bewitched could kick the other Darren's ass is a step up, and for the record, it's the Dick Sargent Darren.
So neither mayo nor Miracle Whip and I are on speaking terms. But this commercial for the other white non-mayo would still annoy me if they were trying to get me to buy beer, ballpoint pens, or those little plastic things you put on the dash of your car to keep your cell phone still.
Miracle Whip's attempt to show just how hip and badass their product is screams pathetic more than a coked up Mickey Rooney trying to do the hustle at a Godsmack concert.
I understand the concept that Miracle Whip isn't exactly the same as mayo and, therefore, offers a greater kick than mayo can, but it's not like the difference between the two is that one peps up your burger and the other can make you fly. The whole thing just looks like what a marketing executive thinks how the 18 to 34 demographic act in their heads. For the record, we don't hang out on rooftops anymore. We don't do the Monster Mash in above-ground kiddie swimming pools. And we sure as hell don't feel hip, unique or empowered because we just slapped a big heaping tablespoon of flavored white splidge on our burgers.
At best, we feel logy, tired and eventually sleepy than a hibernating bear that's been knocked up with 300 CCs of sodium pentathol.
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
9-12-2009 @ 1:53PM
Ace said...
It's not just sweetener... it's got that tangy zip! Worst commercial ever.
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9-12-2009 @ 12:27PM
mike said...
I just never thought of mayo as a hipness indicator. Good thing madison avenue invented this new social stigma that I can use to ostracize people.
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9-12-2009 @ 2:43PM
Bubbameister33 said...
You didn't know mayo sucked "old man" get with the times. The whip rules!!!
/jk
9-12-2009 @ 1:03PM
cathy said...
Wasnt there a commercial a few years back that was really similar to this one. young people on rooftops partying and being different. it might have been for a clothing store. Anyone remember?
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9-12-2009 @ 11:23PM
paula said...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dy_WqicWcHg
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9-12-2009 @ 5:47PM
Heather said...
My same thoughts when I saw this commercial. I also hate how they have that "hipster" girl strut around with the mayo toward the camera like it's the hottest new band.
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9-12-2009 @ 2:49PM
Bubbameister33 said...
The crazy part is that Kraft sells mayonnaise.
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9-12-2009 @ 7:08PM
Tim said...
I have nightmares about that vested tomboy force-feeding me a tub of white goo. Every time I see this commercial, I think about an old David Cross bit on advertising.
- - -
Announcer: Henderson Valley Eggs! You're gonna love our eggs!
(cut to hipster youth)
Youth: Finally, an egg for my generation!
(cut to elderly grandmother in a rocking chair)
Granny: I like eggs the old fashioned way.
(cut to youth)
Youth: F*** you, granny. (punching motion)
Announcer: Henderson Valley Eggs. You're gonna love our eggs!
- - -
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9-13-2009 @ 12:55AM
Jen said...
1)"Splidge" is a great word. Kudos.
2) Are you insane? Dick York is the better Darren by a million miles.
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9-13-2009 @ 9:02AM
khia213 said...
You missed the whole cultural context of that commercial. As a very general rule, African Americans used Miracle whip in cooking, not mayonaise. I don't know why that is, but it's true. (Go to a Black family reunion and taste the potato salad. It's got salad dressing, not mayo.) This has been an inside joke with black folks for years. (Watch "Undercover Brother." It's a running joke.) Anyway, by saying don't be so mayo, they're really saying "Don't be so white." The message is sort of culturally specific.
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9-14-2009 @ 6:39AM
Jim said...
I think it is cultural with Jewish people as well. I have several Jewish friends who refer to Miracle Whip as "Jewish Mayonaise"
9-13-2009 @ 2:41PM
robert said...
It's just not a "B-Q" 'til I "Whip" my meat disk, brah!
EXTREME!
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9-13-2009 @ 7:54PM
Carly Corday said...
Oh thank you!!
Now do the nightmarish frequency of this gnat, and do it hard. Would you?
Granny
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11-06-2009 @ 2:22AM
Will said...
This is one of the stupidest commercials ever made! With a bunch of unemployed wanna be actors acting as if they are having the time of their lives over a jar of freaking mayo!
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