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(S13E01/S13E02) America's Next Top Model's casting special has always been a little ironic because all the contestants have been revealed on the official CW website. Nonetheless, the girls arrived at a hotel to be sorted. Instantly, we're given a snarky gay man who takes the girls' names. He never shows up after that scene.

Tyra wants to make sure that short models get a chance this year as she looks for the next petite model. None of the girls are taller than 5'7", but to give all of the girls a shot, none of the short girls are plus-sized.

One of Tyra's many peons, Bradford, decides to berate the girls, and Tyra emerges in a large poncho and yells at him. She announces a revolution for models in faux-French. Her minions cheer in excitement. The girls are first given their measurements, and our shortest girl is Sundai, who at 5'3" is a short ringer for Cycle Six's Dani.

The 32 contestants are then interviewed by Tyra and the two Jay's. Jennifer is the only Asian and has a droopy eyelid, like Collin from Jon and Kate plus 8. Amber is a big Jesus fan, and it feels like she's read every comic book about him. Courtney has crutches, but still walks fiercer than most. Lulu is a lesbian, and if she breaks up with her girlfriend Roslyn, she'll change her tattoo to "Brooklyn." Two girls have castrated animals before. My favorite contestant is the delusional Alison, who tries to teach Ms. J how to model walk. If I wanted a text-book walker, I would hire a robot.

The girls get cut from 32 to 20, via a rack of garment bags. Although Jennifer looked as if there was nothing in her bag, it turns out she got the little black dress. The girls' final test was a model walk followed by a photo shoot. The girls had five minutes to do their makeup, but Amber was so confident that Jesus did her makeup well, that she just sat and waited. After further analysis, the girls finally get to our 14 contestants.

Sometime between the semi-finals and the dreaded makeover, Jesus told Amber not to compete. I didn't breathe a sigh of relief, because I saw Lisa's picture on the website and knew Amber dropped out. Funny note: did you notice that all the girls before their Ty-overs in their interviews wore scarves to cover their "after" hair? Bianca's bleached eyebrows still stood out.

Tyra doodled pictures of hair to define what she wanted for the girls. It would have been amazing to see an MS Paint printout given to the stylists and the instructions from Tyra. We get a lot of the same, except for the fact that the photo shoots make their hair very 80's. To compensate for height, the girls are given six inches of hair. The girls note that Lulu got the best makeover, while Bianca continued to bitch about her Whoopi Goldberg-like eyebrows.

The girls went to their house, and I puked a little. None of the houses come close to a Real World house, and this year's theme of circus/dollhouse/Candyland is tacky. All the photos are apparently of Tyra, thus no Teyona, McKey, or Cycle 3's Eva, who was 5'6 1/2". Bianca threw a bitchfest about the fact that people might steal her clothes.

The girl's first photoshoot was inspired by childhood photos and the lack of a real budget. Bianca threw another bitchfest and complained about the make-up given to her. I miss her talented doppelganger Nnenna already. Rae was given eight inch heels, which automatically gave her a toe-point. It reminded me that So You Think You Can Dance is a better option for Wednesdays. Jay is even shocked that the short girl was given insane heels.

Apparently there is a contestant, Lisa, who had a picture of a clown. Not only was she boring, she looked angry to be there. There goes your second chance. The big balloons reminded me of Ongina from Drag Race when she aced her Mac Viva-Glam Challenge.

At the eliminations, the biggest change to Tyra's spiel is that the winner will get a Wilhelmina contract, because they are short-friendly. Any girl who took up the whole picture with their body gets good marks. Chanel Iman, the first guest judge, really doesn't dish out any negative criticism. The winner was Rae, while the bottom two included the forgettable Lisa and uber-bitch Bianca. Lisa messed up her second chance and went home twice in a row. Tyra should have picked any of the other five rejected contestants.

How do you guys think the episode fared? Leave comments below.