TVSquad

"You stayed true to who you are, Paula. You were a real superstar up on that dais. And you looked great ... sometimes. Other times you looked like you poured yourself into a dress too small for Mary-Kate Olsen, but I digress. You were a little pitchy at times. Did I say pitchy? I meant tipsy, but we're still so proud of you.

"You were just so cute I wanted to squeeze you, pinch your head off and dangle it from my car's rear-view mirror. All of the judges are just so talented and amazing at what they do, and the competition won't be the same without you. But don't worry, Paula. This isn't the end for you. This is the beginning of your career. You can do anything you want because you are a star. Touchdown!"

If American Idol is going to work without Paula Abdul, then Kara DioGuardi really needs to step up her game. My theory is that when DioGuardi was hired, they were bringing her in during Abdul's last contracted season, fully planning to replace Paula this year. But is that what happened?

Per Paula's manager, she wasn't even presented with an offer to return to the show. At least not at first. At the same time little Ryan Seacrest was given $45 million dollars over three years to come back. Kara DioGuardi just had to promise not to write any more songs for the show, and I don't even think they pay Ran-dawg anymore. He just shows up every week hooting and hollering, and no one has the heart to tell him to go away.

And let's not forget that Mr. Cowell is being offered his own private submarine, a harem of women (unfortunately, they're the cast-offs from More to Love), and one of Rupert Murdoch's children to come back. And he has to promise to never bring The X-Factor over to America as long as FOX keeps his Olympic-sized swimming pool filled with gold babydoll t-shirts.

But poor Abdul gets the shaft. Or at least not enough to make her happy. We may never know the real reason. Maybe they were going to start doing mandatory drug screenings.

I'm sure some reality show will snatch her up. Nigel Lythgoe indicated interest in her for So You Think You Can Dance. NBC will do anything to get noticed at this point. Throw her on America's Got Talent? Ready a new season of Hey, Paula! in case The Jay Leno Show doesn't save ten o'clock?

I don't think we've seen the last of Ms. Abdul. She's way too high profile right now. Where do you think she'll land?