TVSquad

The world is facing a population explosion of Biblical proportions. People are procreating and reproducing faster than sustenance reserves and housing requirements can keep up with it. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have officially given up adoption for the next three Lents.

Something has to be done that doesn't involve condoms, birth control pills, or taking a hammer to certain parts of the human anatomy.

India claims they have found a solution. Television?

I mean, sure, television has kept most of us here at TV Squad from "producing our own spinoffs," but at least we get paid for it.

India's Health and Family Welfare Ministry faces a staggering population growth, so they plan to combat the problem by providing lower income households with better access to late night television. Because if anything can stop people from getting it on, it's Conan O'Brien's giant man-head looming over their lovemaking.

Their hope is that getting to watch TV just before they fall asleep will prevent them from getting it on. Ministry leader Ghulam Nabi Azad claims they can curb population copulating by more than 80 percent through TV alone.

Seriously, this will never work. If India really wants to stop people from having fun and unnecessary sex, I've got the perfect solution: marriage.