One of the joys of being a blogger is all the comments we receive. Once you weed out the personal threats, the discussions of your stupidity, the prayers to various gods that you get struck by a particularly painful STD, and the calls for you to be fired, you're actually left some solid contributions to the online discussion.With that in mind, I've decided to turn this week's column over to you guys, a collection of commenters that I think I can say without hyperbole is the greatest collection of commenters in the history of the known universe. I've put together nine questions about TV that I'd love for you to answer. Don't feel like you have to answer them all: choose which ones are most interesting to you and then have at it.
I'm anxious to hear your opinions, so let's get to it...
1. Could a woman gain as much weight as Jason Segel and still be successful?
Jason Segel is the break-out star of How I Met Your Mother. Apparently, he's also a stress eater. He's always been a big guy, but lately his weight has gone from "huggable" to "tv blogger" (which I can tell you from personal experience is not a fun weight category to be in: my chest looks like a wax sculpture that someone left out in the hot summer sun).
Despite the fame what comes with appearing in two hit movies (I Love You Man and Forgetting Sarah Marshall) and starring in one of CBS's few good sitcoms, no one has mentioned this sudden increase in size. In fact, I didn't even notice it myself until my wife brought it up. She pointed out that this is probably the biggest year he's ever had as an actor, and it's quite literally the biggest she's ever seen him. "That could never happen for a woman!"
I tried to argue with her for a bit ("There are lots of overweight women in Hollywood! No, I can't name one right now, but I'm sure there are!"), but eventually had to concede that she had a point: if a woman gained as much weight as Jason Segel did this year, things would be quite different for her. Here's what I see happening:
a. Pictures of the newly fat actress appear on a national magazine (quite possibly in a bikini).
b. The actress comes out and makes a statement saying that she's at a healthy weight and can't understand why people are so interested in the fact that she maybe, possibly put on a few pounds. She makes a lot of references to "body dysmorphia" and other things she and her publicist only half remember from 11th grade health class.
c. People begin to advocate in favor of her new, larger look. Daytime TV talk show hosts point out that this is a positive step for young girls everywhere (well, except for Whoopi Goldberg and Elisabeth Hasslebeck: they use the news as a jumping off point for a screaming match about whether or not Bush was lying about WMDs in Iraq).
d. The actress appears a month later on the cover of Us Magazine, 35 pounds lighter and touting a new diet of seal blubber and bowhead whale skin cooked up for her by celebrity Inuit dietician, Purnaq. All that talk of empowering women disappears along with her weight.
That's the standard cycle for whenever a famous woman accidentally overeats during the holiday season and some paparazzi catches her bending over the wrong way.
Here's my question:
What if the actress decided to keep the weight? What if she ignored all the tabloid discussions of her belly rolls and all the snarky bloggers writing fake obituaries to her hotness? What if she stayed big and that was that? What would happen to her career?
2. Would you watch a "re-imagining" of your favorite sitcom?
This one comes to us via Bill Simmons's podcast, specifically a segment on it called "Three Half Baked Ideas by Kevin Wilds".
Essentially, Wilds' idea was that people are perfectly willing to go to a re-imagining of a movie (Think Ocean's 11 with George Clooney instead of Frank Sinatra), so why not apply the same idea to classic TV shows? Why not pay Vince Vaughn a ton of money to play Sam Malone in a recasting of Cheers set in Chicago? How about a new All in the Family starring Ricky Gervais as Archie Bunker? What would Taxi look like today? (Certainly, there wouldn't be any native English speakers in the cast.)
The biggest argument against this is that people become much more connected to a TV character than a movie character and it's therefore harder to replace them. For instance, when I was a kid, I loved The Last Starfighter more than was probably healthy (it's about an unpopular kid whose ability to play video games makes him a hero in outer space -- if it had included ice cream cake and a pair of naked boobs, it could be argued that it was less a movie than a documentary of what existed in my pre-teen subconscious). But for all my love of the movie, I've probably only seen it through six or seven times -- twelve to fourteen hours total of my life. Compared to a hit TV show, that's nothing. I've spent more time with the cast of Cheers than I have with my own family. Thus, the connection to those characters is a lot stronger.
This doesn't hold true, though, when you consider the number of recastings that have been done over the course of TV history: the two Darrens, the two Beckys, the ever-rotating members of Will Smith's family in The Fresh Prince of Bel Air. People, it seems, are perfectly willing to see a new face in a familiar character's role.
Would that hold true, though, for an entire cast? Would people tune in to see a re-imagined Cheers or would the show be crushed under a tidal wave of "You've raped my childhood!" internet comments?
3. Would you be upset if you found out American Idol was rigged?
On the face of it, this is an easy one: of course you'd be upset, the whole point of American Idol is that America gets to vote. Duh.
But, Americans have come a long way from the Quiz Show days where we'd be shocked and outraged if it turned out producers were pulling strings to keep certain desirable contestants on. It used to be that we assumed that everything on TV was true; now we have a "reality show" genre in which its generally understood that everything we see is made up. Clearly, our capacity to be shocked has been deadened in recent years.
So, if America found out that the early rounds -- say everything up to the last ten contestants -- were manipulated by the producers to get the "right mix" for the AI tour, would the show's ratings really be affected?
There'd be some loss in viewership -- there are always people who get mad at being lied to, even though they must realize they're always being lied to -- but I think the majority of people would continue watching. When you break it down, the show really isn't about America voting, it's about Simon being mean to people. Hell, if the entire show was just people auditioning for Simon, I doubt the ratings would be all that different.
But what do you think?
Lightning Round:
4. Over/Under: 2.5 seasons left before House becomes unwatchable?
5. What are the odds that Lost ends in a way that satisfies everyone?
6. If the cable companies allowed a la carte programming, which channels would immediately die?
7. If Hulu.com was offered as part of your cable package as a premium channel, would you spring for it?
8. Cutest NBC Thursday Night girl: Jenna Fischer, Tina Fey, or Amy Poehler?
9. Most unattractive job prospect: blogger or comedian?
(Jay Black is a blogger and comedian who is best known as the inventor of the Slap Chop, a device designed to remove prostitutes from your tongue. For more information about Jay or to catch one of his live shows, check out his website: www.jayblackcomedy.com)
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 2)
5-27-2009 @ 3:15PM
DR said...
2. Would you watch a "re-imagining" of your favorite sitcom?
Yes. Seinfeld starring Gilbert Gottfried doing his imitation of Seinfeld.
3. Would you be upset if you found out American Idol was rigged?
Is that still on?
8. Cutest NBC Thursday Night girl: Jenna Fischer, Tina Fey, or Amy Poehler?
Ellie Kemper and Jane Krakowski
Reply
5-27-2009 @ 7:07PM
Dan said...
I'm interested why TV Squad would give you ~1500 words for this article about nothing while limiting your Reviewcaps to less than half that...the reviewcaps are what made this site good.
That being said, interesting article, he's definitely gotten fat (I watched the old episodes recently and he's definitely the one who has changed the most. But this always happens with male actors.
George Costanza wasn't even really that overweight in Season 1. Chandler Bing got so fat that they made it a storyline in later seasons.
2. Yes, with the crap on today and the complete lack of original TV series ideas without resorting to very strict niches, I would love to see continuations or reimaginings of my favorite shows. That being said, I would prefer it to be short-lived series like Sliders, Working, Carpoolers, Kitchen Confidential, Lucky Louie, The Critic, The Black Donnellys or Futurama.
3. American Idol is about 85% rigged, but not 100%. Otherwise, Kris Allen would not have been in the top-10. They were hiding him from the voters until he couldn't be hidden anymore because he was not an overconfident douche like Adam, Danny or Matt. Just judging by how much airtime they give certain people while ignoring others, it's pretty obvious that it's somewhat rigged.
4. House is watchable? That's news to me...
5. None, shows like that cannot satisfy their fans, no matter how they end. I wasn't satisfied with the ending of The Sopranos because I didn't want it to end.
6. Knowing my luck, Comedy Central, History, HGTV, Discovery and Science.
7. That wouldn't make sense, I can get it free online...
8. Well, I am not that attracted to any of them, but if I was given the opportunity to date their TV Characters, I would choose Liz Lemon without question. She's got an awesome job, a great sense of humor and low self-esteem...a great combination.
9. Blogger...everyone is a blogger. Even me. See, I have a blog that nobody paid attention to either: http://leftydan.blogspot.com/
5-27-2009 @ 3:23PM
garlick said...
I'll take on the lightning round, because the previous questions involve too much writing.
4. Over/Under: 2.5 seasons left before House becomes unwatchable?
Definitely over. Hugh Laurie is just that good. Now I'm under on 5 seasons, although I think it will end before that.
5. What are the odds that Lost ends in a way that satisfies everyone?
There's a 0% chance of it satisfying everyone. You can't please them all.
6. If the cable companies allowed a la carte programming, which channels would immediately die?
The Korean & Japanese language channels. Probably Spike & TMC as well.
7. If Hulu.com was offered as part of your cable package as a premium channel, would you spring for it?
This is the dumbest question. Isn't VOD basically the same thing as Hulu??
8. Cutest NBC Thursday Night girl: Jenna Fischer, Tina Fey, or Amy Poehler?
I'm partial to Tina.
9. Most unattractive job prospect: blogger or comedian?
Reply
5-27-2009 @ 3:28PM
Kching said...
1. Her career would plummet. Or she would join the View, and her career would plummet even worse.
2. Yes, but it would suck
3. Don't care
4. Over
5. About the same as humans inventing time travel before Lost ends
8. Tina Fay
9. Blogger. By far.
Reply
5-27-2009 @ 3:43PM
jasahl said...
1. Could a woman gain as much weight as Jason Segel and still be successful? If she's funny, then yes.
2. Would you watch a "re-imagining" of your favorite sitcom? I'd give it a shot (hey, not a sitcom, but Battlestar did ok)
3. Would you be upset if you found out American Idol was rigged? I actively HOPE it's rigged.
4. Over/Under: 2.5 seasons left before House becomes unwatchable? I'll take the under - I've already stopped watching.
5. What are the odds that Lost ends in a way that satisfies everyone? No chance - although I give it a better than average chance of satisfying 95% of it's viewers.
6. If the cable companies allowed a la carte programming, which channels would immediately die? Tried to think of some, but then realized that the first to die would be the ones that I didn't even know existed...
7. If Hulu.com was offered as part of your cable package as a premium channel, would you spring for it? Yes
8. Cutest NBC Thursday Night girl: Jenna Fischer, Tina Fey, or Amy Poehler? Jenna Fischer.
9. Most unattractive job prospect: blogger or comedian? blogger-commedian ;)
Reply
5-27-2009 @ 3:50PM
1iPete said...
1. I laughed when they showed Marshall training for months to run the NYC Marathon and he never lost any weight or gained tone.
History shows you what happens to actresses who gain weight. Some careers diminish greatly like Kirstie Alley & Sharon Gless, others still thrive like Tyne Daly and Valerie Bertinelli and some tread water like Delta Burke.
2. Seems like only lesser comedies would get redone. Classics way too risky.
3. Idol isn't rigged but they try to influence and manipulate voting/results. Not sure people would care.
4. Over
5. 0
6. Depends on advertisers.
7. Stupid question.
8. Jenna
9. More unatrractive... Comedian. You're anonymous as blogger.
Reply
5-28-2009 @ 8:41PM
Kate said...
1iPete,
A bit baffled by your comments re Sharon Gless. She's been integral to the success of two buzzed-about shows since 'Cagney & Lacey' - 'Queer as Folk' and 'Burn Notice'. Not to mention that wild turn she did last year on 'Nip/Tuck'. I can't think of anything that Burke or Bertinelli have done that's anywhere near as memorable. Well, give Val points for shedding pounds and looking fabulous, I suppose.
5-27-2009 @ 4:05PM
John said...
1. Could a woman gain as much weight as Jason Segel and still be successful?
Not to the same extent that men seem to get away with it.
2. Would you watch a "re-imagining" of your favorite sitcom?
I echo jasahl's comment above. If Battlestar Galactica can do it, why not a sitcom. It's essentially been done already: "The Office" (UK) becomes "The Office" (US) and goes on to a longer run than the original.
3. Would you be upset if you found out American Idol was rigged?
There's nothing that could be revealed about American Idol that would upset me. I simply don't give the show any attention.
4. Over/Under: 2.5 seasons left before House becomes unwatchable?
Under for me. I stopped watching a season ago.
5. What are the odds that Lost ends in a way that satisfies everyone?
0. It can't be done.
6. If the cable companies allowed a la carte programming, which channels would immediately die?
As a Canadian viewer, my answers would (probably) be meaningless to most of your readership.
7. If Hulu.com was offered as part of your cable package as a premium channel, would you spring for it?
Would it still be free on the internet? If so, then no.
8. Cutest NBC Thursday Night girl: Jenna Fischer, Tina Fey, or Amy Poehler?
Tina Fey.
9. Most unattractive job prospect: blogger or comedian?
Wow. Tough call. Probably blogger. At least a comedian's audience doesn't get to email comments after the performance is done. The heckling ends once they leave the stage. Doesn't it?
Reply
5-27-2009 @ 5:45PM
Laura said...
to #1: My husband and I were just having this discussion. Jason looked great last season of HIMYM and in Forgetting Sara Marshall-started notticing the weight in I love you man and now a the close of this season of HIMYM it's very notticeable. I don't think any actress, who is as successful as he is currently, could get away with putting on that much weight so quickly and noone notticing (or at least noone saying anything). Look at Jason's costars on HIMYM (who have LEGIT reasons to gain weight)-I've heard people talk about how "big" alyson and cobie are...and they're PREGNANT. Noone but my hubby has mentioned Jason!!
#6:LIFETIME would die faster than you can say LIFETIME.
#7: HELL YES. even if it was still free on the internet being able to watch the smorgasbord of shows they offer whenever I darn well please is completely worth it!
Reply
5-28-2009 @ 6:38AM
Joseph said...
Get the 20 dollar cord to hook your tv up to your computer, and use your tv as a secondary screen. It is exactly the same thing as having a hulu channel.
5-27-2009 @ 4:26PM
Cathy said...
Most unattractive job prospect? A blogger who THINKS he's a comedian.
Reply
5-27-2009 @ 4:31PM
zombieroadkill said...
1. Could a woman gain as much weight as Jason Segel and still be successful?
It's possible for big girls to be successful (see Camryn Manheim and Sara Rue during "Popular") though it is easier if you're funny (Roseanne). And that chick from Cheers made a comeback out of being fat. But every one has slimmed down. So I don't know.
2. Would you watch a "re-imagining" of your favorite sitcom?
as long as it didn't suck. The new Office works because it's just as good as the original. So any 're-imagining' would have to pull a BSG and make something that rivals the original. But leave out the laugh track.
3. Would you be upset if you found out American Idol was rigged?
I've just always assumed it was
Lightning Round:
4. Over/Under: 2.5 seasons left before House becomes unwatchable?
dead on, I think
5. What are the odds that Lost ends in a way that satisfies everyone?
-10...there's no way
6. If the cable companies allowed a la carte programming, which channels would immediately die?
Niche channels like HGTV, the Military Channel, and all those weird kids channels
7. If Hulu.com was offered as part of your cable package as a premium channel, would you spring for it?
I wouldn't pay extra for it...it should be part of OnDemand
8. Cutest NBC Thursday Night girl: Jenna Fischer, Tina Fey, or Amy Poehler?
Jenna..but Tina Fey is cooler
9. Most unattractive job prospect: blogger or comedian?
comedian...it's like public speaking, but more painful
Reply
5-27-2009 @ 4:29PM
Cate said...
The first female actress I thought of for your first question was Patricia Arquette. She's been the same size for as long as Medium's been on, but she used to be noticeably slimmer when she was younger and making movies. So maybe if you consider being a TV star less successful than being a movie star, I don't know. I get what you're talking about though. The thing with Jennifer Love Hewitt was ridiculous--she defended her body and told women to be happy with the way they look, and then went on a weight loss binge right after. WTF is that? If Patricia Arquette is the exception to the rule, I'm happy with that, because at least there's *someone*
Reply
5-27-2009 @ 4:31PM
cherie said...
3. Would you be upset if you found out American Idol was rigged?
I just wonder why people think the show is still relevant.
4. Over/Under: 2.5 seasons left before House becomes unwatchable?
Probably 1.5
5. What are the odds that Lost ends in a way that satisfies everyone?
I just hope it ends.
6. If the cable companies allowed a la carte programming, which channels would immediately die?
Telemundo, any religious channels, most Sports channels
7. If Hulu.com was offered as part of your cable package as a premium channel, would you spring for it?
probably
8. Cutest NBC Thursday Night girl: Jenna Fischer, Tina Fey, or Amy Poehler?
Tina Fey. Go geek girls!
9. Most unattractive job prospect: blogger or comedian?
Blogger
Reply
5-27-2009 @ 4:33PM
Anita said...
- Could a woman gain as much weight as Jason Segel and still be successful? No. Think Kirstie Alley. Only if they started out with weight on, i.e. Roseanne Barr, would they remain famous. However, losing weight also leads to detrimental comments which Seth Rogan, etc. don't face.
- What if the actress decided to keep the weight?
She becomes Alicia Silverstone, meaning she's exiled until the weight comes off.
- Would you watch a "re-imagining" of your favorite sitcom?
Um, wasn't that Cupid? Technically, I did watch it and re-enjoyed it, but I still wish we'd come up with new shows for the new generation.
Reply
5-27-2009 @ 6:10PM
Frantic Monkey said...
Roseanna was pretty damn big, still funny, and still a ratings powerhouse.
http://hollywoodhubbub.com
Reply
5-27-2009 @ 6:41PM
StillBash said...
But she didn't GET fat, she was from the start.
5-27-2009 @ 6:55PM
StillBash said...
First of all Jay this is the best post you've ever written. Kudos. Love the questions, very creative, shows your background, love you man. Totally gay for you right now :-)
On to the questions.
1.) Counter question: how many fat guy a-holes do you know who have gorgeous women on their sides in YOUR real life. I mean your friends, family, workplace (ok knowing you live at home with twenty cats that was mean but still - totally gay for you dude!).
That's your denominator. Now take the number of fat a-hole women you know who have gorgeous guys at their sides (took that expression because it covers all types of relationships by the way). That's your numerator.
If your equation equals anything above 0.001 I have to ask you this: you are a funny guy. If your girlfriend is so smoking hot why do you have to work as a blogger?
2.) No.
I don't imagine my own best sexual experiences with other people in my role either.
3.) How again does the rest of the population outweigh 80 million screaming teenagers with cellphones and instant re-dial?
4.) Over. Best show on TV next to "Lost".
5.) Zilch. Oreo will be pissed either way.
6.) I'm not in advertising. Accounting decides that, not the viewer. (see: upfronts)
7.) Hulu is TV on Demand. It would replace what you mention in question 6, coz "a la carte" is the half-assed version of "on demand". The answer is yes.
8.) Jenna. She's "real". The other two are at least a little bit fake. Proof: listen to Jenna's interview on "The Sound of Young America" (they have a podcast)
9.) I don't anser BDSM questions without knowing your safeword :-D
Again, totally gay for you right now.
P.S.: mine's "pumpkin"
Reply
5-27-2009 @ 6:58PM
starfish said...
1. probably not
2. it only works if you havent seen the original and if the new one is really good, in any event where i watched the original show and it was any kind of decent the remake has no chance of living up no matter how good it is (and lets not kid ourselves here battlestar galactica was the outlier, 99.999% of remakes are absolute garbage intended to squeeze some fake nostalgia without having to hire new writers or license new properties or god forbid purchase a single original script!
3. you mean that's not already common knowledge?
4. its been unwatchable for me for quite a while already now.
5. seeing as the only way it could satisfy me would be to never have existed in the first place, id say 0%
6. cspan, hgtv, lifetime, those spacefiller channels that have religious people spewing bibles and hatred 24/7
7.huh? isnt kind of the whole point of hulu that it's free?
Reply
5-27-2009 @ 8:08PM
Galley said...
Jenna, by far. (Sorry, Tina)
Reply