TVSquad

There was something wrong about this week's Dancing with the Stars: everyone who performed did well. If it weren't for Melissa hurting her rib last week (which I predicted would become a problem), the show would have actually been a close race. The paranoia of the news got me wondering about Melissa's disappearance; for a quick second I thought she had contracted the swine flu. Thankfully, it was just her rib.

Is it me or is Bruno not making any sense this season? He creates any excuse to get up, flail his arms into Len, and scream nonsensical phrases. The problem is that I think Carrie Ann is catching the Bruno flu.


Gilles & Cheryl – Lindy Hop – There is something wrong this week with Gilles. I can't pinpoint if it's the pompadour hairstyle, his shoulder pain, or the fact that he looks like Super Mario's brother Luigi. He even did the flutter jump. The practice had Gilles and Cheryl struggle with a flip, and it didn't work well in the final product either. Cheryl did have the opportunity to step on him at the end.

Len loved it. Bruno knows that Gilles is a great dancer, but he's happy to see the versatility in acting. He did point out a little mistake. Carrie Ann also appreciated the versatile acting. Score: 27 (9, 9, 9)

Lil Kim & Derek – Paso Doble – Kim's mission this week is to control her hips, but still maintain personality. It's nice to see a paso outfit in blue and black instead of red and black. Kim has the passion, but she continues her porn face.

Bruno gets off his chair and announces that "The bitch is back!" He then juxtaposes himself by calling the dance classy. It's not often that bitches have class. Carrie Ann loved the dramatic angle. Her lines and shapes were gorgeous. Len reminds us that the show is all about coping, and Lil Kim had fire and passion. Score: 28 (9, 9, 10)

Chuck & Julianne – Cha-Cha – The Cha-Cha is all about being flirty, so I guess that meant that Chuck has to wear yet another silk shirt (this time sleeveless and blue!). Even though Chuck has improved, it's still awkward, a la Cody Linley from last season. Chuck has also gained a bad habit of making his version of Lil Kim's porn face. Luckily at the end, Chuck didn't grab Julianne's boob.

Carrie Ann points out the chin problem. Len loves that he's growing stronger. He advises to fix
his wooden arms. Bruno liked the bum action. Bruno also disliked the arms; they need to be more fluid. Score: 26 (9, 9, 8)

Shawn & Mark – Samba – Mark does a lot of feminine moves to teach Shawn; unfortunately, she doesn't understand. Mark calls up Shirley, his mother, for help. She immediately points out that she swings her arms like baseball bats. While I do love the dress, Shawn has a stumpy proportion to her that seems off. Lil Kim is her height, but just has more leg. Mark has a seizure in the middle. He proceeds to Eskimo-kiss Shawn.

Len thought the dance lacked hip action and the dress did most of the work. It wasn't her best. Bruno loves the effortlessness, but she's not Lady GaGa. Carrie Ann saw great technique and a solid performance. Score: 27 (10, 8, 9)

Melissa & Tony - Jive – Last week Melissa had rib trouble. Tony decides to push her with intense choreography. Her doctor points out that she has a hairline fracture. Tony cancels practice for the day. Tom announces that we will get to see the rehearsal tape of Melissa. It's not even the costume rehearsal. It's sad, but she puts more passion in her practice than Steve-O. She totally forgets a part, stands there, and adjusts her pants.

Bruno knows that the rehearsal tape didn't have performance power. The kicks were weak, and the placement was bad, as well. Carrie Ann points out marking the areas for the camera. She feels bad. Len thinks it's like a racecar driver's warm-up lap. There was nothing really there. Score: 21 (7, 7, 7)

Ty & Chelsie – Salsa – I love Chelsie; especially because of her "bride's nighty" reaction. Chelsie brings Dmitry in for guidance, and he helps Ty with his posture. Chelsie then brings Ty to a spray tan salon. Ty got third-degree burns as a child, but is willing to do anything. It doesn't look bad on Ty. I love that Ty maintained a big smile the whole time. He also has hips! A badly dressed Jewel approves.

Carrie Ann can't help but cheer. He's inconsistent, but he pulled off a real Salsa. Len compares him to riding a bull; he's hung on and he's done well. He ends the positivity by exclaiming that it's the end of the line for Ty. Bruno thinks the spray tan helped; he also thought that Chelsie was a lasso in the dance. His hip action came from the knees and not the hips. Score: 24 (9, 7, 8)

Team Mambo – The strategy is to showcase strengths: Melissa represents fun, Shawn has technique, and Chuck has chemistry. They plan on one-upping shiftlessness. We're reminded that Lacey will be filling for Melissa. Melissa will get team score. They dance to "Single Ladies." It sucks that Melissa couldn't do the Beyonce dance. Shawn is accurate but her shortness is starting to show the flaws of lines. Chuck is still putting all of his intensity in his mouth. The guys totally pull off their clothes revealing unitards. Chuck has chicken legs.

Len liked the fun and entertainment, he loved how Lacey stood in and helped last minute. Bruno liked the fact that the men can shop in the women's department. Carrie Ann was amused but it was distracting. The music overpowered the dancing. Score: 25 (8, 8, 9)

Team Tango – Team Tango were last week's underdogs. Lil Kim is picked to go first for the solos. In practice Ty laughs at Chelsie, Cheryl curses out Gilles, and Derek and Kim stress out. Ty calls Team Mambo sissies and I'm okay with it because it's Ty. They get the song "Womanizer." Kim is decent, until she loses it; she doesn't have a poker face at all. Ty has a blank grimace on his face while Chelsie does most of the work. Gilles and Cheryl have the third spot and it's not as hectic as they are. Ty is actually coordinated! He was synchronized!

Bruno compared the team to raptors. The end sequence gave him goosebumps. Carrie Ann thought the unison work was great, but Kim slipped up her solo. Len saw the slip-up of Kim, the weakness of Gilles' footwork, but surprisingly the MVP was Ty. Chelsie gets stuck on Kim in the back. Score: 28 (9, 9, 10)

I really wish that they would bring back the dance-off for this week so Melissa could at least fight for her position. Having Ty mysteriously do well should have Melissa's fans riled up, but having Len insult Ty will have Ty's fans voting in droves, as well. I'm going to guess that Chuck gets eliminated next.