TVSquad

Ever met a lonely television blogger? Of course not, that's because studies have now proven that watching television and writing long essays about it makes you feel less lonely. Sure, I'm sitting here all alone in my house with the latest episode of Legend of the Seeker paused on my television, but I feel like you're all here with me ... wait a minute, I better put some decent clothes on. Sorry about that. Apparently, the bonds I feel with Richard and Kahlan help ease my need to connect with real people.

So now I don't have to go out in the real world and make real friends, or ever hang out with them. I have thousands of friends on hundreds of channels! So fat, lazy Americans spending more and more time sitting around at home watching television is good for us. Sure the research says that it's no substitute for real interaction, but it's close enough. We need to get ourselves nice and complacent for when the machines rise up. And it'll be much easier if they know where to find us; sitting at home alone with our Friends.

The researchers call it "technologically induced belongingness." So if you're feeling sad, and a previous study says that unhappy people watch more television, you should watch more television to make yourself feel better. And talk and write about those shows so more lonely people will watch them, too. Shows like Dollhouse. Wait a minute, did the studios fund this research?

The moral of the story is that while we bloggers may be working alone, we're not lonely. Because we've deluded ourselves into thinking we have real relationships with fictional characters on television. It's perfectly healthy, I'm sure. Now if you'll excuse me, I think there's someone at the door. I'll just hide here until they go away and then Richard, Kahlan and I can get going on our quest to destroy Darken Rahl.