TVSquad

(S08E01) After hearing the lineup of "celebrities" that were performing, I was definitely on the fence. Then Jewel and Nancy O'Dell dropped out, and I was excited to see how Holly Madison and Melissa Rycroft would perform with less time than everyone else.

It floors me that these two looked better than several of the men. There was the most evil of glares coming from Jewel during the whole show. After the jump, a quick rundown of all the performances.


Here's a look at each of the performances.

Lil Kim and Derek Hough (Cha-Cha-Cha). Although Kim totes a Grammy, it was mostly the work of Christina Aguilera. I found it amusing that she fell in love with the show during her stay in prison, and she dedicated her "Nasty" performance to the girls in her detention center. Although I hoped for a more revealing dress, the whole performance was a good opening to the show.

Len thought the dance was first class but a little wild for his taste. Flavored oatmeal must be too wild for him, as well. Bruno loved her nasty booty, but she had some footwork problems. Carrie Ann said she has potential, but she hasn't shown it yet. Score: 21 (7, 7, 7)

Belinda Carlisle and Jonathan Roberts (Waltz). Although they started off wobbly in the practices, they quickly warmed up to each other. She has trouble processing everything and jokes about having a bucket around (I'd save that for Steve-O). I still don't understand why Jonathan gets the mature women, but the couple showed a smooth nature.

Bruno thought it started off as Julie Andrews, but fell to a Cloris Leachman level. The footwork was heavy and needs help. Carrie Ann saw trust issues. Len saw moments of grace and elegance. Score: 17 (6, 6, 5)

Lawrence Taylor and Edyta Sliwinska (Cha-Cha-Cha). Edyta pointed out that footballers traditionally do well on the show; Lawrence hopes that he can do better than Jason Taylor. Fear kicked in when Edyta handed him dancing shoes. Edyta's strategy to look hot while her partner loafs around continues. I couldn't keep my eyes off of Edyta and ignored Lawrence's heavy feet.

Carrie Ann didn't think he achieved the football contestants legacy. Len thought that he needed to be sharp, but liked it. Bruno said it was a throwaway. The judges see his potential. Score: 16 (6, 5, 5)

Steve-O and Lacey Schwimmer (Waltz). Steve-O is reckless, and Lacey is a rebel. Sounds like an obvious match. After going through rehab, Steve-O is ready for anything. He is afraid of his Caucasian dancing skills and his scrawny size. They started the dance with an awkward flip around Lacey, and it didn't recover from there. Steve-O's face showed terror throughout the whole performance. Johnny Knoxville gave him a standing ovation.

Len appreciated the commitment, but the technical side wasn't there. Bruno thought it was too slapstick. Carrie Ann loved the determination. Score: 17 (6, 5, 6).

Gilles Marini and Cheryl Burke (Cha-Cha-Cha). Cheryl is hungry for a third win and knew from the get-go that Gilles has the smallest fanbase. As they danced, I couldn't help but appreciate his dancer frame. He showed the most potential out of all the men. The dance got steamy, and I hope that they can survive to do more sexy Latin dances.

Carrie Ann did the crazy judge dance and loved the potential. There were some overextensions. Bruno liked the sharp, tight moves. Len appreciated the mix of steps and choreography. He called it fabulous. Score: 24 (8, 8, 8)

Chuck Wicks and Julianne Hough (Waltz). After an awkward "meeting," Julianne pushes Chuck hard and found it harder to teach her boyfriend. It's got to be hard to draw the line between work and life. As the two danced, there was good connection and grace. He accidentally lifted her at the end when they spun around.

Bruno pointed out that Chuck was chasing Julianne around during the dance; Len agreed. Carrie Ann said he is one of the most graceful men to dance on the show, but docked a point for the lift. Score: 20 (6, 7, 7)

In between dances, there was an awkward interview with both Jewel and Nancy O'Dell, both saying stereotypical things like how they were to not be performing. Jewel will be singing next week.

Holly Madison and Dmitry Chaplin (Cha-Cha-Cha). Dmitry felt like he was cheating on Jewel while teaching Holly. I'm sure it's not Holly's first time. He decided to just teach her the routine and not technique. During the dance, Holly's legs were out of place. She also walked to her spots. Jewel gave the most evil glares on the sidelines.

Len knew that time would help her. Carrie Ann appreciated Holly's charisma, but she looked like a newborn deer. Bruno saw potential, but noted a loss of tempo. Score: 18 (6, 6, 6)

Ty Murray and Chelsie Hightower (Cha-Cha-Cha). Chelsie admitted to being on SYTYCD and met Ty at a ranch. I'm impressed by Chelsie's teaching skills and patience. In the dance, Chelsie's legs were great, but Ty was really out of place. Jewel makes more glares. He walked to several of his spots.

Bruno compared the dance to an army drill and pointed out the poor grabs. Len knew that Ty was out of his comfort zone. Carrie Ann liked the cowboy appeal, but the dancing needed help. Score: 14 (5, 4, 5)

Shawn Johnson and Mark Ballas (Waltz). Shawn tries to convince America that gymnastics, like figure skating, is not an advantage. Her biggest flaw is that she has to be emotionless during gymnastics and couldn't keep from laughing in practices. The dance was graceful, but Shawn smiled during the whole performance. I appreciate Mark's choreography to showcase Shawn's strengths.

Carrie Ann loved the elegance and was moved. Bruno thought it was refined, but her arms popped out suddenly. Len thought it was fantastic, but would appreciate more fluidity. Score: 23 (8, 8, 7)

Steve Wozniak and Karina Smirnoff (Cha-Cha-Cha). I love that the two met with Steve on a Segway. Steve talks in binary and takes thinking breaks. I still can't forget calling him the "Wizard of Woz." Kathy Griffin and her gays will keep him around for at least a few weeks. He unnecessarily started with a boa that disappeared after 10 seconds. He does typewriter hands and knee drops. He shows that he's had a fun time.

Len found it fascinating and liked the knee section. Bruno used the words "Telletubbies" and "Gay Parade." Carrie Ann supported him throughout the whole dance. Score: 13 (5, 4, 4)

David Alan Grier and Kym Johnson (Waltz). Their first meeting was uncomfortable because Kym didn't get his humor. It doesn't work in this format. Neither does the Woz's. Kym believes that he is a natural dancer. While they danced, David made thousands of weird faces. David missed some arm cues, and the end split was awkward.

Bruno thought that David leans in holds. He found the faces to be distracting. Carrie Ann agreed about the face, but liked the lines. For Len, the good outweighed the bad. Len thought that his bottom stuck out. Score: 19 (6, 7, 6)

Denise Richards and Maksim Chmerkovskiy (Cha-Cha-Cha). Denise can't stop saying "sorry" during the practices and broke down in tears. It's complicated. They settle their differences. Denise has the legs for dancing, but her posture was quite pageant-y. Her bottom half didn't connect with her top half.

Carrie Ann disliked the shoulders. Len thought it was too loose; Max pulled her around. Bruno wanted her to keep in character. Score: 18 (6, 6, 6)

Melissa Rycroft and Toni Dovolani (Waltz). With only two days of practice, there was no time for production to make a real intro video. They decide to play the most tortuous part of her life over. She seemed light on her toes and flowed well. Nancy O'Dell gave her a standing ovation and two thumbs up.

Len pointed out ballet toes and she needed to use her heels. Bruno compared her to a bird taking flight. Carrie Ann loved the nature, but wanted emotional connection. Score: 23 (8, 7, 8)

Blindly looking at Week One of the dancers, I'm going to pick a final three of Shawn, Gilles, and either Holly/Melissa - whichever of the two adjusts better. Tune in next week (not Tuesday) for the Quickstep and the Salsa.