Television as an industry is in need of a major overhaul. It's old, dusty, soiling itself, and not keeping up with the technology that changes from day to day. If it were an old, sick animal, or Larry King, it would probably be put to sleep. Alas, so many of us rely on the old biddy that it would be hard for us to say good-bye.
Luckily, I am a resourceful, intelligent and, dare I say it, gorgeous human being who has some ideas in mind to freshen up the television landscape. Yes, it may mean sacrifice from some of us (mainly network executives) and we may lose something in the process. But, in the end, the industry that we love to quietly despise while watching Cheaters will thrive once again.
1. The 22-episode schedule: The removal of the 22-episode series run has already begun, but it's not fast enough for me. With the cable networks breaking their seasons up into smaller parcels, the original concept of a fall to spring season is now archaic. Time to give viewers a true year-round schedule of original programming rather than a summer inundated with reality dreck.
2. Nielsen ratings: Back when only a few people owned television sets the Nielsen rating system probably made some sort of sense. With the population of the U.S. now surpassing a bloated 300 million, having a handful of "Nielsen families" determining how many people are watching a particular show is just ridiculous. Add the fact that many of us watch our favorite programs hours or days after they aired (thanks to DVR and the Internet) and the current ratings system is inaccurate as Bill O'Reilly. Toss it all in the trash and replace it with a more meaningful ratings system. Which brings me to my next point...
3. Sweeps: Three times a year the networks load their schedules up with new and flashy episodes of their series in order to wine and dine advertisers. Most of the time this takes up half their episode runs, leaving us fans with a very limited amount of new stuff to last the other seven months of the season. Going back to Nielsen ratings, can the networks really determine a proper price to charge for advertising when viewers are watching their shows via so many other platforms? Again, this is another antiquated practice that needs to be flushed down the toilet.
4. Network newscasts: I don't know if the three legacy networks realize this, but we live in a world of 24/7 news gathering. By the time Katie, Brian and Charlie say 'Good Evening' to us we've been inundated with news from the Internet, our cell phones, and the guy at the bus stop screaming about the microchip in his head. Fact is, we probably know more about what's going on in the world than the three evening news anchors do. I say move them all to cable outlets and give those 30 minutes to something more important. Like an extra run of TMZ.
5. Infomercials: Sometime in the past the concept of the infomercial was probably a good idea to fill time slots that really didn't generate a lot of viewership. Presently, however, these 30-minute commercials are just being used as an excuse not to air anything interesting at any time. I mean, when you see a Shamwow infomercial at 2:30 on a Wednesday afternoon you know something is wrong. Personally, I'd rather see repeats of According to Jim in that time slot than an infomercial.
6. Heavily edited movies for commercial networks: Why even bother anymore? With Netflix, On Demand, and 500 pay cable channels available, plus Turner Classic Movies, what's the purpose of slicing and dicing theatrical movies so they'll fit the puritanical standards of the commercial networks. What's even worse is, since the movie times have been severely cut down, the networks add a whole bunch of commercials to pad it out. Again, I'd rather see repeats of According to Jim in those slots.
7. Saturday morning cartoons: The networks try, but the Saturday mornings of sitting in front of the television while wolfing down a bucketful of Lucky Charms are long gone. Who really watches these shows when the Disney and Nickelodeon family of channels (and Cartoon Network) provide much better fare? The networks should just take the model they use during the week and load up the Saturday morning schedule with news and court shows. Maybe a court show where news reporters deal with their small claims suits.
8. Laugh Tracks (or, as they say in the industry, Canned Laughter): I don't think any crappy comedy has been saved by canned laughter. If anything, those shows are more painful to watch since the laughter is inserted into every unfunny moment that can be found. Honestly, having no canned laughter would probably help the shows somewhat rather than harm them.
9. TV show remakes: Okay, the remake of Battlestar Galactica was a hit. And, the return of 90210 made its mark. However, that doesn't happen with every remake of a classic television show. More than likely, the remakes are a pale comparison to the predecessors. Instead of thinking of ways to remake shows like Melrose Place writers should think about original ideas to submit to the networks.
And, one more to grow and inch:
10. Jerry Springer: Because, if you've seen one cat fight between lesbian, drug addict vampires from another galaxy and their alcoholic, transvestite baby daddies you've seen one too many.
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 3)
2-25-2009 @ 2:27PM
scott said...
a summer inundated with reality dreck? we get that year round... reality dreck should have just had it's own number.
as for the nightly newscasts, edited flicks and saturday morning cartoons - not everyone has cable, especially given the economic situation now.
infomercials should definitely be only shown after midnight... and don't get them wet or the reproduce!
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2-25-2009 @ 2:28PM
scott said...
"they reproduce", thus killing my gremlins joke that sucked to begin with.
2-25-2009 @ 2:35PM
Anita said...
I agree with 1-3, but I still love my Saturday morning cartoons. I just wish the networks would improve their fare compared with Disney/cartoon network.
Plus, I wish they'd bring back made-for-TV movies/the mini-series, but not in the Victoria Principal way. There are some shows that really only deserved one season. I like that SciFi channel released DZ in 3-eps as opposed to an entire series. Additionally, USA did a good job with the Starter Wife when it was in mini-series form. Basically, they just need more flexibility.
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2-25-2009 @ 2:38PM
mj said...
Saturday morning cartoons would be great, if they would stop being so boring. Do kids really like this dribble? I don't mind the evening news, but I hate when news programs promote OTHER news programs, like 20/20, etc. Stick to news. Please, stop with reality shows. My God, they are everywhere, all the time. I wouldn't mind shorter seasons, or split ones, like Monk and Psych do. Sweeps aren't really sweeps any more. The Big Bang Theory has had mostly re runs this month. One thing they could get rid of: PREVIEWS. The show will end with a gasp, but the previews show that things work out. No suspense.
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2-25-2009 @ 2:39PM
Scott said...
Here are my 10 things I'd get rid of in TV:
Reality shows
Reality shows
Reality shows
Reality shows
Reality shows
Reality shows
Reality shows
Reality shows
Reality shows
Reality shows
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2-25-2009 @ 2:52PM
scott said...
yes yes yes
2-25-2009 @ 2:51PM
Jason said...
1. Agree. Having Burn Notice twice a year in smaller blocks is pleasant... almost like getting Christmas in July and December. However, I do lust after the 24 or so episodes of Lost, 24, etc. as well. Maybe a mix of both, with heavy-hitters having a go at the longer schedules, and the smaller knockouts the smaller, chopped schedule. You have to remember, people's attention spans are short, and cutting a thrilling season of Lost in half might piss off lots of devoted fans, as it has in the past.
2. Amen.
3. Amen again. C'mon, I mean... who's more behind the times than network TV? Southern Baptists maybe?
4. I disagree. Networks need that newscast for all those people who are a. in a bar alone after work and have no one to talk with but the bartender and the cog reading cue cards on the news, or b. the people who still think satellite TV is an expensive, 6 ft. diameter dish for watching free porn.
5. Hey, whatever pays the bills. I only wish they were more entertaining. Here's a novel idea: Make the infomercial like a TV show, with characters, a plot, etc, but somehow it's sole purpose is to push the product of the half-hour. ? Genius.
6. Dude, couldn't be more right on this one.
7. I'm on the fence. Hey, I liked the Smurfs.
8. Yep. I'm not an idiot. :)
9. On the fence again. I'm more against remakes in movies than TV shows. (Looking forward to a V remake.)
10. No F**king S**t, get this mother f**king **** licking **** off the god**** air. Bitch. :)
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2-25-2009 @ 3:01PM
Joan said...
i agree get rid of informercials andcreate more saturday morning cartoons
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2-25-2009 @ 3:04PM
Mike said...
This list can't be complete without 2 1/2 Men. There, I said it.
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2-25-2009 @ 4:29PM
Andrew said...
Well the networks can't cater exclusively to Internet snarks...
2-25-2009 @ 3:21PM
Vickie said...
I agree with all of these. By the time I get back into what is going on with my shows, they are on breaks or the season is done!
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2-25-2009 @ 3:58PM
gottacook said...
Speaking of Larry King: Not that I watch CNN or its competitors, but Larry King was many orders of magnitude more tolerable when he had his late-night Monday-to-Friday radio show, up through the early 1990s. He plainly enjoyed himself much more (possibly because there were fewer commercial breaks), the guests were much more varied and interesting, and the last hour was all unfiltered call-ins.
As for reality shows, keep The Amazing Race and get rid of the rest - but be careful not to have more than two series of Amazing Race per year.
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2-25-2009 @ 4:13PM
James said...
I would get rid of network executives who are still scheduling like it's the 1970s. Counter-programming was an important strategy when there were three (and even four) networks, but more urgent concerns are eroding viewership: audience demographic changes, cable programming, internet, gaming.
For example, the head-to-head competition in every Monday night time slot is a waste of the networks' money on some very expensive shows. I suppose the fact that many people time-shift the shows via the internet or DVR is fine, but why should advertisers pay premium coin for that? Will they continue to pay to have TiVo customers skip through their commercials? I doubt it.
If the network suits can't figure out how to schedule their shows in a way that grows the overall business of network television rather fighting these little pitched battles, they need to be replaced.
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2-25-2009 @ 5:20PM
CParis said...
This is a very important point.
If the networks want to maximize the money they make off commercials/sponsorships, they should be trying to create a schedule that gives various groups of viewers reasons to tune in, record, or timeshift programming every night of the week. They should be going for a greater share of overall programming, not to "win" a certain timeslot.
2-25-2009 @ 4:20PM
Darren said...
I agree with pretty much you entire list - especially the useless Nielson ratings - as you said there are 300 MILLION people in the US but if you add their numbers up only 80 million are watching TV at any given time in prime time - I know people work and are out and about but 220 Million??? I don't think so. It is a useless system that destroys good shows.
Also anything on FOX expect NASCAR and House can go bye bye!
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2-25-2009 @ 4:32PM
Andrew said...
Friends, Seinfeld, HIMYM all did just fine with a laugh track. I think if you have a good show it doesn't really matter. Obviously a show like The Office wouldn't work with a laugh track, but you get what I mean.
2-25-2009 @ 4:33PM
Andrew said...
That was not meant to be a reply...ugh...
2-25-2009 @ 4:36PM
Clayton said...
I don't understand why you all are so upset about reality shows. Sure, there are a lot of them out there that suck, but there are a lot that are good as well. Sound familiar?
Exactly the same as scripted programming.
Attacking an entire genre because you don't like a few shows just makes you sound stupid.
http://makeasitcom.com
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2-25-2009 @ 4:46PM
Dorv said...
Clayton: I think you'd be suprised, but there are vast number of us out there that don't like _any_ reality TV.
Well, Jeopardy is technically reality TV, but that's it then :)
2-25-2009 @ 4:55PM
tracey said...
No, actually, it doesn't sound at all familiar. Tell me, what reality show doesn't suck? Because I've yet to see even a commercial for a reality show that had anything more than the appeal of a traffic accident.