TVSquad

If you've ever wanted to be a contestant on the legendary Jeopardy!, then get in line. It starts behind me. I already called dibs and stamped it.

Jeopardy! will conduct national online contestant tests this week on their official website. The tests will take place by timezone: Tuesday at 8 p.m. Eastern for people on the East Coast, Wednesday at 8 p.m. Central and 7 p.m. Mountain for residents in those time zones and Thursday at 8 p.m. for Pacific Coast, Alaska and Hawaii viewers.

As part of this annual game show tradition, I, your humble (not-so-much) TVSquad blogger Danny Gallagher, will also be one of the many, many people trying out for the most hallowed game show in the history of American broadcasting. And as always, you get to come along for the ride. Please keep all hands and arms inside the vehicle until my ego comes to a complete stop.

All this week, I'll be taking you through the preparations and studies I've undergone to gear up for this mighty challenge. I've also got some inside drop on acing the test that my editors are forcing me to share with you.

I'll take you through some of the techniques and sources that have been used to prepare for the test and the actual show. Unfortunately, none of them involve writing things on your non-buzzer hand.

I'll take you through my tireless studying as I try to memorize state and world capitals, foods that start with "Q" and the complete works, plotlines and characters of William Shakespeare. I hope my brain will have enough room left over to remember how to write my own name and where I leave my keys every night.

I'll even include my biggest ace in the hole: advice from the one of the show's biggest winners. Hardcore Jeopardities will remember the name of Bob Harris. He's the author, humorist, travel and television writer who took home thousands of dollars in his 10 years on the show and earned himself a spot in the ultimate tournament of champions. He chronicled his rise, fall, rise again, then fall again and then rise again on the famed game show in a hilarious memoir titled Prisoner of Trebekistan. He'll guide me through some of the pitfalls and traps of the Jeopardy! mine-field and will eventually get me to like the taste of my own flesh, so I can chew my own foot off.

And, of course, I'll also take you through my experience on final exam day as well from the time I fill in my name to the exact moment when I finally pass out.