TVSquad

It's the third night of auditions, and tonight they're in lovely San Francisco. Despite its proximity to L.A., we don't exactly have a ton of talent at the auditions. But I'm happy to say that the producers are showing a great deal of restraint this season.

When Idol premiered, I loved watching the bad auditions. Delusional people making fools out of themselves on national television amused me. As the seasons wore on, though, I enjoyed it less and less. I'm not sure if I changed, or if it really did become more mean-spirited as the years wore on. Whatever the reason, I have grown less and less interested in the bad auditions; they just make me kind of sad.

This season, they're focusing less on the outrageous auditions, which is nice. They're still there, of course; it's not as though everyone we see ends up going to Hollywood. But it just doesn't seem quite as mean and exploitative as usual. It's a welcome change.

Tatiana Del Toro, 23
First off, the random close-ups they keep giving her are hilarious.. She's also pretty amazing in that she's wearing a snakeskin tube dress with copious amounts of tulle on the bottom. She also wants to win American Idol "more than anyone has wanted anything," So, there's that. She sings "Never Loved a Man" by Aretha Franklin. She doesn't sound half bad, but she's a little, or a lot overdone. As Randy says, she's trying to be a big R&B singer with a big voice, but she just doesn't have it. Simon hates her, and I don't blame him. She keeps on interrupting him by breaking into song, but the rest of the judges want to ride the crazy train, so they put her through to Hollywood. There's a great scene with her holding up her golden ticket and laughing like a maniac. She's horrendous, and I love her.

Dean-Anthony Bradford, 27
Dean, our failed entrepreneur, brings us "Stars" by Simply Red. He was halfway through the song before I realized that yes, I have actually heard it before. He rendered it pretty much unrecognizable. He's also wearing a completely insane plaid coat, and when Simon calls him out on it and his crazy hair color, Dean-Anthony assures them that "the carpet matches the drapes." Aaaaaand it's a unanimous "no."

Jesús Valenzula, 29
He's one of those contestants that is backed by his huge, adorable family and is auditioning for his kids. He's a pretty good-looking guy, too, so he has a lot of things going for him. He sings some song that I recognize but can't place, and Simon tells him it's not going to work. I get really sad, like, to an awkward degree. He is a really nice guy! Jesús is also a really smart guy, as he totally plays the cute kids card. Paula tells him to bring the kids in, which he does, and Paula and Kara say yes. Randy doesn't want to be a jerk, so he says yes, too. Jesús is going to Hollywood, but if he advances beyond that, I'll be surprised.

Dalton Powell, 18
Dalton can solve a Rubik's Cube in 30 seconds, looks way older than 18, and is horribly nervous. He decides to sing "Oh Baby Baby" by Smokey Robinson, and it's horrifying. He seems so nice, so it's kind of sad. This is another one where I don't recognize the song until halfway through. He's never sung in front of people before, and the whole thing is just really awkward. He doesn't exactly help his case when Paula asks him if he's a fan of the show and he says that "Simon makes it interesting." It's a "no."

James Smith, 27
He sings, uh, something and spends a lot of time sexing Paula with his eyes. We never hear the vote, but I'm guessing we won't be seeing this guy again.

Akilah Askew-Gholston, 26
She has a folder full of print-outs full of diagrams of the lungs and tips for training as a gospel singer. She's kind of terrifying and intense. She's singing an original song called "Making Sweet Love." Hoo boy. Simon makes her stop and she sings "Natural Woman" by Carole King. It doesn't go well because she's singing from the "wrong rectum." Now that is a problem I would not want to have. The judges say "no."

Annie Murdoch, 28
Annie was apparently on her way to the grocery store, or the park, or the methadone clinic, or whatever, and decided to wait in line for a day or two and audition for American Idol. I say this because she has apparently given absolutely no thought to what song she is going to perform and seems downright perplexed by the prospect of coming up with something to sing. She finally settles on "Summertime" and it's really loud and scary and bad. She's not going to Hollywood.

Adam Lambert, 26
He looks like Jerry O'Connell dressed up as Pete Wentz for Halloween, so I already love him. He has professional experience, as he's been in the cast of Wicked for the past year and a half. His song is "Bohemian Rhapsody" by Queen. His version is okay, but it's a little whiny sounding for my tastes. Simon, of course, calls him "theatrical." Despite that, he votes him through, as do the other three judges. Paula goes so far as to say that he's the best they've seen in any city, but I think that may have something to do with the fact that he said he totally had a crush on her when he was 10.

Kai Kalama, 26 (pictured)
Kai has a very heartwarming story about taking care of his mother who has a seizure disorder. I feel hopeful because he says that he plays music at night, since he takes care of her during the day. Maybe he'll actually be decent enough to get through. He decides to sing "Smoke Gets in Your Eyes" by The Platters, and it's lovely. The judges all like his voice, but think he needs to work on his showmanship a little bit. He unanimously gets voted through to Hollywood.

In all, 12 people make it to Hollywood. I don't know if it's just me, but in general, this group was a little underwhelming to me. Kai was the only one who really stood out talent-wise; the rest of the people who got through were good, but not very memorable. What do you think of this round of auditions? Who was your favorite?



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