TVSquad

Some random thoughts about current commercials.

Verizon FiOS: I think the cable guy is going to murder the FiOS guy in a future ad. I just feel it coming.This isn't just professional jealousy on the part of the cable guy (helpfully labeled "cable" on his work shirt), this is real hatred. The economy is going bad, we're moving to digital television, and this guy is only going to take so much from Verizon.

The latest commercial gives a hint of what the guy is thinking. He walks into his apartment building hallway and sees the Verizon guy holding a J.D. Power award that was just given to Verizon. Personally, I have no idea why J.D. Power & Associates would give the award to one of the guys who installs stuff for Verizon (I would assume it would be on a shelf at Verizon HQ, maybe in a VP's office), but let's assume that he would actually keep it in his apartment. The cable guy looks at the award and tries to be calm about it, but you know the guy is a volcano inside. Here he is coming back to his lonely existence, with a bag of kung pao chicken (for one), ready to sit on the couch and watch Wheel of Fortune. Not even new episodes, but reruns. The guy down the hall just reminds him of the life he could have had, and it's getting to him. I expect a film noir twist to this series of commercials.

Next... We talked a little about this the other day, but I've finally decided: I want a ShamWow.

Come on, doesn't that look fantastic? If it does indeed work, it could be the greatest invention since penicillin or the automobile. Well, maybe not that great, but it's at least up there with the Chia Pet and Mr. Microphone. If Congress could harness the power of the ShamWow, I think we could solve our economic crisis.

Here's a commercial I can't stand, for Just For Men hair coloring. Two adorable daughters approach their dad and tell him that he'd be a really nice catch for some lady if he'd only color that disgusting gray out of his hair. Why do they want him out of the house so bad? And later in the ad when the kids are alone and he's on a date and he sends them a picture from his cell phone camera, who is watching those girls? I think they just want their father out of the house so they can be alone and not have to watch him read the paper, mope around the house, and sigh heavily every five minutes because he has no women in his life. I wonder if mom just got fed up with his hair and decided to leave him and the kids?

Here's an ad I'm sure you've seen. It's the Snuggie! Someone has made a product we didn't even know we needed. Is it clothing? Is it a blanket? It's both! I'm all for staying warm on those cold nights on the couch watching television, but I don't want to wear something that makes me look like a monk.

Finally, can anyone guess what this cereal ad is spoofing? You might have to be of a certain age or like a certain type of movie, but some of you might be able to get it. (Answer later today.)