TVSquad

It's Festivus. Again. Already. Don't know how, but it is. This whole year has gone so quickly, leaving only a blur in my eyes and a weird taste in my mouth (a strange combination of lime soda and a squid dish I got from a street vendor once in Hong Kong). Following that line of weird, here's my weird list of weird things that I want for Festivus.

More comedy for history geeks: After writing my list of Top Eleven Robot Buddies, I was struck by the terrible lack of history-related humor on today's television. Let's have another Time Squad or Clone High, shall we? Or give Kate Beaton her own television show.

A Liz Lemon for the kids: I spend a lot of time -- certainly too much time -- worrying about the youth that spend most of her TV time with Ashley Tisdale and various other teen nightmares. I remember being somewhat offended by how dumbed down children's television was when I was part of that demographic. A little bit of sarcasm, delicate irony and affectionate self-deprecation on television is not going to kill a kid, but sharpen their wit. The problem is even worse for girls' programming. Cut it out with the Miley Cyrus, for the love of everything that isn't vomit-inducing.

SNL to stop being mean to me: Earlier in the year, I made this list of nine people that definitely needed to host some time during the 33rd season of SNL. Despite making fairly reasonable choices (I thought), absolutely none of them have done it. I believe Flight of the Conchords was actually scheduled to appear at one point, but then it didn't happen, leading me to believe that SNL is, in fact, actively and purposefully making me miserable. It's not paranoia if it's totally and completely true.

More web players like ABC.com's: Have you seen their full episode player? That thing is beautiful, easy to use, and always knows what to say when I'm feeling a little insecure about my outfit. I don't even mind doing the "Click to Continue" thing after each ad, and I'm the laziest bum in the world. That is how it needs to be done.

To "get" Mad Men: After hearing about the sleaze, 60s style and spot-on writing, I thought I would fall in love with Mad Men. Now that I've seen multiple episodes, I'm not sure this love affair is ever going to happen; I don't understand what everyone is raving about (apart from the costumes, which are marvelous). Someone explain to me please, do I need to reach a certain point in the first season before the love kicks in, or am I doomed if I don't go head over heels the first time I see Jon Hamm?

For Jay Leno to go home: Mr. Leno, you aren't needed anymore. Please, leave us alone.

Some way to erase the memory of the reality hosts at the Emmy Awards: Enough said.

And, of course... A great 2009 for TV Squad and its readers!