TVSquad

Everyone's getting bored now. Megyn is running around talking to people all over the set and trying to make love to her "launchpad," while others are handing out cookies and snacks. When the election is turning into a landslide (which is how Fox News would have us think), I guess they're at a loss as to how to fill the time. "We booked the whole night for this coverage. Vamp! Vamp!" For more on why I love Fox News Election coverage, flip to the other side.

I think it's time to shake things up. Go crazy and call the whole election for McCain. Or even Nader. People will look back on it fondly and you'll be infamous in history. Just picture Brit Morgan's dour skull with the skin melting off looking at the camera with the words "McCain Projected to Win Presidency" below him. Legendary!

--They're still showing me pictures of states for no reason, and circling numbers. Really they're just playing with their big screens. Watch out, guy. If Megyn sees you playing with your screen, she might kill you for it.

--"Hey look at this! Look at this! In Charlotte, Obama is leading by 67% with 176,003 counties while McCain has 33% of the vote with 87,189 counties. By dramatic contrast, check out what happened four years ago when Kerry only got ... uh ... 176,003 counties, which is 67% of the vote to ... um ... Bush's 87,189 counties. 33%. Yeah, wow that didn't work out at all." Look at the dumbass. There you go, just draw on the screen for a bit. We'll all forget.

--Paw-Paw Hume just makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside. I'm going to pretend I'm Fred Savage and have Paw-Paw Hume read me The Princess Bride. Will Wesley win the presidency, Paw-Paw? Or will that nasty Prince Humperdinck win?

--Chris Wallace just called John McCain George Bush. That's it. Now McCain has a scapegoat to blame his projected loss on.

--All of their graphics are glistening, spinning, shining and jumping around. There's always something moving to keep my attention because I'm a bird.

--Chris Wallace thinks the candidates are attractive. Even if you're not calling the race, put their pictures up. They're nice to look at.

--Fox News first called MS for Wicker and then changed their minds and UN-called it. I really do think this entire set is in Brit's mom's basement.

--At 10:10/9:10 Central, Camp McCain is pretty much calling it a night according to our advisor. But before we got to see the Obama camp response, the signal was lost. This lends credence to my basement theory.

--Karl Rove was there. He didn't do much, but isn't it great that he's there. Look at the size of his head. It's like a Mr. Potato Head with a tiny little face stuck on.

--Major Garrett wants corn fritters. That's why he went to the Obama rally. Iowans are there in force, taking credit for launching his campaign, but they didn't bring fritters. The Major is not pleased!

--Megyn likes to bring in really obscure statistics. People who open their mail with their right hand while holding the envelope in their left in Minnesota voted 42% McCain.

--Megyn wanders all around the set while Brit rolls around on his chair. They're MAVERICKS here!

--At 10:20/9:20 Central the panel started arguing about Sarah Palin and her impact on the McCain ticket. I'm waiting for them to run out of things to bitch about why McCain is losing and start arguing about the cookies. "Pecans! I don't like nuts!"

--Everybody on the panel and most correspondents are wearing red ties. Even the lovely lady on the panel is wearing red. Trying to tell us anything, Fox News? Power color, right?

--They knew to cut to John Murtha of Pennsylvania who took it upon himself to call the vote for himself before anyone was willing to officially declare his victory. I sure as hell hope he loses. Maybe the Chicago Daily Tribune called him and told him he won like they told Dewey he beat Truman.

--Brit Morgan would rather hear himself talk and move on to commercials than air the Democratic congressional leaders speaking. Again, not helping the "right" rumors there Brit.

--Interstate Batteries has an animated commercial with a jingle that says "We need more of God's love." God loves batteries. Who knew. I guess there aren't enough outlets up there.