(S11E01; S11E02) The CW is trying to kill me. First they give me a two-hour 90210 premiere, now it's two hours of Tyra flipping her weave on ANTM's season premiere. Is this A Clockwork Orange? Are they going to tape my eyelids open??? All I know is that the hot tranny mess in this season's cast had better be worth it.The best part of any America's Next Top Model premiere is to see whatever wacky way Tyra chooses to introduce herself to the semi-finalists. This year, she sent the girls to be scanned at the "Top Model Institute of Technology," with Alpha J. and Beta Jay. Eventually, Robot Tyra enters the room to a chorus of ear-shattering squeals. All I can say is that Robot Tyra is no Psycho Homecoming Queen Tyra.
The model interviews are your typical mix of "I know I'm going to be America's Next Top Model," and "I couldn't name a designer if I tried." There were, however, a few standouts.
Of course we have to talk about ANTM's transgendered contestant, Isis. She appeared last season in the homeless shoot and it sounds like Tyra basically recruited her to be on this cycle. What I find fascinating about her is that she's a pre-op transexual. When I heard that there was a transgendered contestant, I automatically assumed that she would be post-op. I'm really interested in seeing how this plays out among the girls in the house.
Then there's 18-year-old Elina, who seems as though she is on the show purely to annoy me. I just figured out who she looks like though! She's a dead ringer for Silver on the new 90210! Anyway, she's a vegan and describes herself as a "very sexual person." First of all, you're 18. Shut up. Second of all, "I'm a very sexual person" is just code for "I'm insecure and need attention. Love me please!!!" and I simply do not have the time.
Another contestant of note is Analeigh, a 19-year-old former figure skater who tells a completely insane story about how she thought she was being scouted by a modeling agency, but was actually being sold to an Arab prince.
Tyra: So were you sold?
Analeigh: Yeah. So what happened is...
She was very matter-of-fact about the whole thing. Her response to Tyra's "Well, I'm glad you're safe," was to giggle hysterically. If you haven't seen the episode, I highly recommend catching a repeat just for this.
There's a half-assed photo shoot from which the final 14 are chosen. There are no plus-sized models in the final 14, mainly because Tyra gave it to Whitney last time and is sick of them.
So that's the first episode, but we've got another one coming right up!
In "Top Model Inauguration," the fourteen finalists move into their house. Production has moved back to L.A. from New York this season, so they're out of the penthouse and back into the McMansion.
Of course all eyes and questions immediately turn to Isis. Sheena marvels about the fact that she wears a bikini and asks, "where do you put it?" For the record, the answer is, "the miracle of tape." What's really cool is that Isis isn't trying to hide who she is, a fact that doesn't escape McKey, who is impressed by the fact that Isis is just going to jump in the pool and be who she is. Of course, a lot of the members of the house are a lot more small-minded. Clark and Hannah in particular have a big problem with her being there.
For their first challenge, the girls meet Ed Alonzo at the Magic Castle in L.A. (by the way, did they shoot an episode of Arrested Development here? It looks familiar to me). Anyway, it's not a traditional challenge today. Instead, each model gets individual face time with Paulina, Nigel, and the Jays. This scares Paulina.
The photo shoot revolves around the presidential election, because Tyra is political! I love it when they try to tackle social issues on this show...everyone looks so much more confused than usual.
The photos themselves revolve around different issues voters need to think about at the polls, like education, the economy, and...cloning. Because you know Tyra has given up on having children at this point, and is planning on scientifically engineering her own army of fierce little clones who always, always smile with their eyes.
As for the pictures themselves, the girls are pretty much all over the place. ShaRaun looks like she's in a rap video, while Nikeysha looks as though she doesn't have legs. In general though, the judges seem to be in a much more forgiving mood than usual.
The person who receives the first photo gets an extra little prize this cycle: their photo is displayed as digital art in their house for the next week. Here is the order in which the photos were received:
Marjorie
Isis
McKey
Joslyn
Elina
Samantha
Britney
Sheena
Analeigh
Clark
Lauren Brie
Hannah
Nikeysha
It sure is nice when the most annoying person on the show is the first to be eliminated. It's rare that karmic justice comes to the world of reality shows, so it's extra sweet when ShaRuan, aka Ms. "I am America's Next Top Model" gets the boot.
Although I thought Isis would take the win on this one, since she blew the judges away so much, I'm pretty happy with the way this turned out.
Who do you think should have been eliminated? Here are all of the models' pictures, so you can put a name with a face.
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 2)
9-04-2008 @ 1:40AM
Michael S. said...
You're not wrong about the Arrested Development stuff. The Magic Castle, where GOB and Tony Wonder did shows through the show. The Magic Castle is also an EXTREMELY exclusive Magician's club (why it was referenced so well in AD). You have to know someone who's a member of the club to get in there.
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9-04-2008 @ 3:11AM
Orangecrush said...
My money is they make Majorie a brunette to completely make her like Amelie. She is this season's Heather and I hope she becomes less annoying.
Analeigh reminds me of Michele Trachtenberg, so I hope she wins for her amazing hair, face, and no apparent bitchiness, though I'm sure she has it in her.
Clark makes me sad. So pretty. Such an awful yet accurate representation of the south. Pretty, bitchy, close-minded, and shallow. I'm surprised she was called so early. Her photo was a non-hot mess.
Elina is going to be the annoying hotness. Like Fatima with a less cool Lauren thrown in. Beautiful, but please make her be quiet a little bit.
Hannah is so cute. Sadly I don't see her being beyond top 8. Is she from Alaska and had no electricity in her house? They didn't say.
Sheena surprised me. I was expected her to be a total bitch. But she doesn't seem to have anything bad to say about anyone. I hope she makes it far-ish along.
And can I just say that Whitney has turned out the best Cover Girl commercials in the history of ANTM winners.
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9-04-2008 @ 9:19AM
Kona Gallagher said...
Heh. It really should be a drinking game. Every time Hannah says, "I'm from Alaska" followed by some crazy Alaskan fact (no electricity! Moose! no people!) drink!
Whitney did a decent job with the commercial, but dear lord, I wanted to smack that fedora off of her head.
9-05-2008 @ 6:56AM
deebopalula said...
Speaking of Sheena not having anything bad to say about anyone, I was surprised she didn't say anything when one of the other models commented that she was the only "Oriental" girl there. She responded that she wasn't your typical "Asian", but stopped short of correcting the girl on her mis-use of language. She seems very grounded and mature for her age and I like that she stood up for Isis.
9-04-2008 @ 7:39AM
G said...
They used the magic castle on an ep of the Bachelorette - this past season.
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9-04-2008 @ 8:34AM
eric f. said...
Tyra is such a joke.
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9-04-2008 @ 8:42AM
jessica0602 said...
did anybody else scream MAX! (from Saved by the Bell) at the TV when Ed Alonzo came on?
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9-04-2008 @ 8:52AM
DEB said...
WHY, WHEN YOU WERE ASKED WHO YOU THOUGHT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ELIMINATED, WAS ISIS NAME NOT ON THE LIST? THAT IS NOT VERY FAIR. IT MAKES THE VOTES INACCURATE.
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9-04-2008 @ 9:03AM
fowak said...
What if we thought Isis should've been first to go? She's not even on the list for the poll...
I voted for Nikeysha. I can't stand it when people can't take criticism.
P.S. Not all Southern girls are "pretty, bitchy close-minded and shallow".
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9-04-2008 @ 9:17AM
Kona Gallagher said...
Sorry about that. Leaving Isis off of the poll wasn't intentional--she's on there now.
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9-04-2008 @ 9:38AM
cdawg said...
OMG that's where I knew Ed Alonzo from!!! I knew he looked so familar, but just assumed he was on a Comedy Central Roast or something... thank you!!!
I'm totally cool with Isis - she's like Jaslene - looks like a tranny but takees dope pictures. Too bad Clark is so closed minded to this (although it looks like next week Elina gets her to go lezzie, so she cant be all that closed minded)
Elina is gorgeous, but yeah, please be quiet.
And Whit is doing an amzing job with the my lifes (i didn't even fast forward like i usually do)
by the way, this past week I got a Macy's catalog and the whole thing is Salesha! she looks so much better without the bowl cut...
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9-04-2008 @ 11:37AM
Erin said...
Remember when ANTM was actually a well put together reality show and the "J's" didn't come out with with silver suits and hair talking like a robot reject out of a sci-fi movie? Yeah, me too.
That being said, I will still watch every week. I can't believe I sat through that first hour, though.
I thought the same thing about Analeigh. Michelle Trachtenberg.
Sheena is probably my early favorite.
They always chop off someone's hair. I am hoping it will be Clark because it seems like she would freak out more than anyone else in the house.
9-04-2008 @ 11:04AM
Tyra needs a better wig said...
Whomever was the chick that kept on saying "im from Alaska" like 25 times during the show should have been kicked off just for that alone! :)
LOL about your comments about the "i am a sexual person" hahaha. Thanks for the smile!
I thought the girls were being crazy mean to Isis. Get over it! You are in the modeling industry! If you think you will never see this again, you are crazy wrong!
PS-Tyra and her wigs and her poses...omg. Which is worse? Who could say!
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9-04-2008 @ 11:55AM
cdawg said...
yup the asian chick from harlem is my fave thus far.
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9-04-2008 @ 1:00PM
MarcDom7 said...
Yes, the Magic Castle was on Arrested Development, as well as Last Comic Standing, Celebracadabra and American Idol. Frankly, I'm f***ing sick of it.
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9-04-2008 @ 1:27PM
Gordy said...
Isis won't win, but she is giving you hot photos...even if her mouth is jacked. Who was the chick last season with that problem? Anyway, she won't win, but it'll be entertaining.
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9-04-2008 @ 7:21PM
Riley Freeman said...
clarke looks nice when they doll her up but she cant model for crap. she has a beautiful face in pics off screen shes boring. the bisexual girl has a beautiful model face in pics and from far up close shes not as hot. isis takes really good pics and stop calling him a she. he is a preop therefore still a he. when he is post op he becomes a it. i have nothing against trannys but lets be real.
annaleigh is absolutely gorgeous when her mouth is closed she is sexy and firece when she opens her mouth she becomes goofy and loses that sexyness. she also looks like denise richards.
the asian girl or kimora lee 2 is about the most mature girl there.
i say if clark learns how to model finalist will be
annaleigh, clarke, isis elena
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9-04-2008 @ 10:20PM
Alex - A.S. said...
Riley, Isis presents herself as a woman, therefore the correct pronoun is 'she.' Genitals do not equal gender. Many trans people do not do bottom surgery.
My thoughts: Friggin' Alaska! I'm in it for the drinking game now.
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9-04-2008 @ 10:41PM
Snuzzin said...
Does anyone else think Nikeysha looks like a Saleisha Clone? The air, the ubber girly excitement, and the skinny jeans? She even tried some Saleisha poses from cycle 9? My lease fav. And the on Britney, McKey...her lip does a funny thing when she talks, where it almost looks like she has a stroke. It bothers me. Who does she look like though?!! My fav is def. Sheena! She kicks butt, is mature, and stands up for others. YAY!
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9-04-2008 @ 10:42PM
Snuzzin said...
Sorry I meant the hair*
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