TVSquad

Welcome to Super Skank Wednesday. This is where I celebrate the awesomely skanky people on the following shows: I Love Money, Charm School, New York Goes to Hollywood, and The Surreal Life. Basically, I'll discuss the skankalicious shows that make VH1 the network it is today.

I was left rather disappointed with I Love Money this week. Another one of my "Fantasy I Love Money" picks went home leaving me with a whopping 140 points. And I was planning on writing a big tribute to Megan's demise but NO! She's still there.

I was so annoyed with ILM that I started watching New York Goes to Hollywood again. The show still reeks of artifice with New York going to a nail salon to study Japanese culture or thinking "break a leg" means that the person wants to do her physical harm. However, by the fourth episode, Sister Patterson has entered the scene and is saving the show with her outright rudeness and over-the-top behavior.

So I decided to pit the two women I love to hate against each other for a Vs. piece. This Super Skank Wednesday I give you: Megan Hausermann Vs. Sister Patterson, The Battle of the Hateful Shrews.

Before we begin...

I'm getting psyched for the new Charm School. I saw the first commercial for it with Sharon Osbourne telling us that she would spank us if we didn't watch. She had me at "spank." It's going to be a great show. I can't wait to see who made the cast. Viva la Angelique, I say! Who do you readers want to see in the mix?

Okay, now I give you...

Who is smarter?

I'm going with Megan on this one. I think we've seen plenty of evidence that Sister Patterson isn't the brightest star in the sky, the sharpest knife in the drawer, etc. Pick your cliché.

Megan, on the other hand, seems fairly intelligent. Perhaps intelligent is too generous of an adjective considering the obvious idiocy of her fellow castmates on I Love Money. But still, Megan has created a secret alliance and kept that alliance a secret for some time now. Also, Megan has been in the lockbox twice and not gone home despite how other cast members distrust her. And Megan is almost single-handedly responsible for the past three, maybe even four, eliminations (Rodeo, 12 Pack, and Heather). She even convinced The Entertainer to get rid of his own alliance member instead of her or Brandi C. I wish she was gone but I have to give credit where credit is due. Furthermore, we know Megan is reasonably smart because she's already won a reality game, season three of Beauty and the Geek.

Who is more manipulative?

This one is a toss up. I'm going to have to discuss the shrews one at a time. Sister Patterson can certainly be described as manipulative. She is in total control of her daughter New York. And she has twisted her daughter's brain so much that when an outsider points out how controlling SP is, New York usually flips out. Good job, mom. However, many times Sister Patterson does have her daughter's best interest in mind -- like when she kept New York from choosing Chance or Buddha as winners of I Love New York.

Megan is equally as manipulative, except Megan only cares about Megan. She was a troublemaker on Rock of Love 2 and she's a force to be reckoned with on I Love Money. On Rock of Love 2, she did little stuff like hide Peyton's love letter to Bret. But she also totally threw her best friend under the bus. Remember how she told Heather that Jessica wasn't hard core enough to be Bret's girlfriend? On I Love Money, Megan has caused trouble between Heather and 12 Pack, publicly insulted Pumkin, and used sensual massages to control both Mr. Boston and The Entertainer. Not to mention her relationship with WhiteBoy. He's trying unsuccessfully to repel Megan's hotness. We'll see how it plays out.

There's a difference between annoying and amusing:

Megan is annoying. Sister Patterson is amusing. Sister Patterson is amusing in that Gordon-Ramsay-yelling-at-everyone-and-making-a-scene way. She's not half as successful as Gordon Ramsay, who's incessant yelling and cussing is forgiven because he actually has some expertise. But she's similar to him nonetheless because no one can pass her scrutiny. And she's funny about it.

Here's a clip of Sister Patterson yelling at Liza, New York's assistant. It's over-the-top. It's completely offensive. But it's amusing all the same. (Oh, and Sister Patterson is wearing high-waisted pants. Who does she think she is? Mischa Barton? Put on some spanx!)

Who has more potential for a long-running career in Celebreality?

When answering this question, I had to ask myself which celebreality star I would tune in to watch. I don't think I would ever tune in for more than one episode of a Megan-centric show. Considering her hotness, youth, and single status, VH1 could one day give her an I Love New York-esque show. Would you watch though? Seriously? She's not as outrageous as New York, as funny as Flav, or as sincere as Bret. (Let me clarify what I mean by "sincere" in that last sentence. Bret is sincerely into women with fake boobs. It's still sincerity though.) Still Megan doesn't have any of that.

Now a show that featured Sister Patterson? I might tune in for that. It would definitely be one of those reality shows you watch to raise your self-esteem and remind you of how lucky you are. Thank God I don't look like her. Thank God I don't act like that. Thank God she's not my mom. Plus there would be plenty of her antics and yelling -- characteristics of any good reality show.

My opinions aside, I think Megan is more poised for a longtime career with VH1. It's her destiny to be a reality skank. I could definitely see her on The Surreal Life, or maybe even Celebrity Apprentice. What do you readers think?

So who do I love to hate more?

Sister Patterson! I think I just plain hate Megan Hausermann.

Until next time, Happy Super Skank Wednesday!