Do not adjust your web browser. You are now entering the Retro Squad, where we are reviewing past episodes of classic TV shows.
With the exception of Coach, no one knows exactly what became of the gang at Cheers. What follows is a collection of hypothetical obits for the regulars at everyone's favorite Boston hangout.
Hilary "Norm" Peterson
1948-2002
"Norm" Peterson was struck down by a fatal heart attack after attending a party honoring a friend in Seattle. Mr. Peterson was a loving husband, talented house painter and an accountant. He is survived by his wife Vera, who requests to be left to grieve in private. Services will be held at the The Hungry Heifer in Boston.
Dr. Lilith Sternin
1958-2015
Dr. Sternin died this week under mysterious circumstances after an accident occurred at an undisclosed laboratory. It is rumored that she and her fellow researchers were exploring new ways to harness the energies of a variety of snack foods. Dr. Sternin is survived by her sons Frederick and Mortimer. Instead of flowers, friends are requested to make a donation to the Research for a Better Beer Nut Foundation.
Robin Colcord
1944-2027
After a long battle with Alzheimer's, Robin Colcord passed away last night due to complications caused by his refusal to confuse liquids. Surviving Mr. Colcord is his longtime companion and business partner Evan Drake.
Clifford Clavin
1947-2003
After retiring from the United States Postal Service Clifford Clavin finally married and lived out his dream of retiring to Burbank, California. He was a regular audience member at such shows as The Tonight Show and Jeopardy but in December of 2002 he disappeared while returning from the funeral of his longtime friend Norm Peterson. Mr. Clavin was legally pronounced dead after numerous petitions from his wife Carla Lozupone Tortelli Labec Clavin.
Rebecca Howe
1950-2020
Rebecca Howe died from complications caused by an ongoing struggle with a variety of eating disorders. After being left at the altar for a record eleventh time, Ms. Howe convinced herself that it was her weight that was keeping her from finding a husband. After living on a diet of cigarettes and grapefruit for over a year, she finally passed away weighing only 84 pounds.
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The evolution of TV Squad
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
7-11-2008 @ 11:42AM
Derek said...
Any chance that posts like this can have [Pointless] at the beginning of the title? Then I can auto-trash them using a rule in my RSS reader.
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7-11-2008 @ 12:11PM
deebopalula said...
The TV Squad staff seems to have an awful lot of time on their hands lately (stress "awful").
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7-11-2008 @ 12:12PM
Oreo said...
And people complain about me complaining, sheesh people....
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7-11-2008 @ 12:17PM
deebopalula said...
I mean really - when you guys went "retro-squad" on "Arrested Development", you really discussed and dissected several episodes and characters and plotlines. It was fun and interesting, brought back great memories of a great show and inspired a lot of dialogue from "A.D." fans who genuinely miss the show.
Was it easier because there were so few episodes of "A.D." to sort through? Is "Cheers" long run such a homework project for y'all that you're resorting to these lame and silly "stories"? I had interest in "Retro-Squad" when you first introduced it, but now it's kind of making me cringe when I see it.
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7-11-2008 @ 7:25PM
Dave said...
Sam Malone's STDs must have finally taken their toll on him. But scientists are making breakthroughs studying his body (which was donated because there was no family member to claim him) in multiple disease infestation due to the herpes (all complexes), HIV, and ringworm.
Woody Boyd perished in an electric can opener mishap. Theories on what may have happened have surfaced, but everyone knows why Woody died that tragic day: He was an idiot and ate the can and threw away the food.
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7-14-2008 @ 2:11AM
Phish said...
my brain hurts!
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