TVSquad

Welcome to Super Skank Wednesday. This is where I celebrate the awesomely skanky people on the following shows: I Love Money, Charm School, New York Goes to Hollywood, and The Surreal Life. Basically, I'll discuss the skankalicious shows that make VH1 the network it is today.

It's here. It's finally here! I Love Money graced televisions everywhere on Sunday night. Heather, 12 Pack, Mr. Boston, Chance, Megan, Pumkin and the gang are spending their summer with us. To pay homage, let's discuss how one can make a splash on the premiere of a celebreality show after the jump.

First, we should go over a few "don'ts" of celebreality. To achieve your ultimate goal of skank stardom, take heed of the following...

1. Don't say anything remotely intelligent or cohesive. If you must say something that could pass for logical, witty, smart, or show any sign of mental capacity, you must say it with plenty of cuss words. Alternatively, you can make up your own brand of vocabulary or just add "izzle" to the end of many words. You may also say something witty if it is to ridicule someone else. But only then are you allowed to make sense.

2. Don't wear anything modest. In fact, be as nekkid as you can. You only need to cover your unmentionables because the people that make the show don't like spending a lot of time adding that blurry cloud to every frame. If you must wear clothing besides a skimpy bathing suit, just wear sunglasses or a hat.

3. Don't be nice to anyone. Remember, you're not there to make friends.

Now, let's review how to get lots of camera time...

1. Disrespect the women. You can make a splash by disrespecting one woman, but it's always best to leave the room having pissed off all members of the opposite sex. You can do this by making use of offensive generalizations, calling other people "bitches" or other derogatory female names, and yelling or using a condescending tone. Midget Mac knows how to do that. He told Hoopz that she had the jerps and he would slap her if she rubbed up against him. The extended scene in the video below. (Also included are other extras courtesy of the good peeps at VH1.)

2. Make ridiculous stipulations. You're a celebreality star. You decide when, where, and how you'll compete for that cash. Chance, after donning the mankini for the cash grab, decided that he wouldn't participate. Why? It's not that he felt the outfit was degrading. No, he didn't want to "show his alfalfa." That's Chance speak for showing his untamed hair. In his initial confession, Chance also announced that he wasn't going "to eat no deer dingles and ding dongs" on this show. That's Chance speak for deer feces and reproductive organs.

3. Ignore the rules of any competition you participate in. The first competition was easy. All they had to do was go in the chamber and grab the money as it floated around them. One rule: don't pick money off the floor. Megan was disqualified within the first two seconds. That wasn't a big surprise. I think we know Megan isn't working with too many brain cells. But Brandi, after watching Megan get disqualified, got in there and did THE SAME EXACT THING. She proved to everyone (and the team captains who had to eliminate someone later in the show) that she is somehow stupider than Megan.

4. Pick a fight with one of the less stable cast members. Megan decided that Pumkin would be a good person to antagonize. And she was right. Pumkin is the PERFECT person to antagonize. Megan called her boobs saggy and Pumkin responded by calling Megan Paris Hilton. Ooh, big diss. There's going to be so many good fights this season. Other unstable cast members ripe for the picking: Chance, Heat, Toastee and Whiteboy if he's already drunk.

5. Just be Mr. Boston. He wants the money for plane trips between Los Angeles and Boston...because he has girlfriends in different cities. Real pointed out that despite Boston's claims, he does not have hos in different area codes. Later on in the show, Boston wooed team captain WhiteBoy by "playing the Jew angle." Very clever, Boston.

Little notes...

Thanks to Adam for the "trashy TV heads up." He told me about Kathy Griffin's visit to Brooklyn where she meets up with the Bad Girls. They teach her how to "pop off."

AOL TV is holding the Reality TV Awards this week. Go and vote for your favorite skanks. And yell at them in the comments if they don't have our favorite VH1 stars.

Brooke Knows Best airs this Sunday after I Love Money. I'll give it whirl. What about you?

Here's a video of Mr. Boston and Whiteboy from I Love New York. Whiteboy grills Mr. Boston for the whereabouts of his chapstick.

Happy Super Skank Wednesday, y'all!