TVSquad

Part Five: The Money Shot

After about an hour and a half of fake fights, thrown tennis balls, and clap after clap after clap, everyone sat down for a Q&A.

The students were able to ask questions of the following three people:

Robert Russel, the aforementioned reality show casting director.

Dave Martin, finalist on season one of Bravo's Top Chef.

Jorge Bendersky, "Dog Stylist" on Animal Planet's Groomer Has It.

I'm going to do something that I haven't done up until this point: report what happened without snarky asides or not-so-subtle digs at the students or organizers. This hour was actually worth the price of admission. If you're someone that is truly interested in the way reality shows work and what they're looking for, the Q&A gave some real insight into the process.

Here's what I learned:

-- According to Russel, he's not looking for talent. Talent does not matter, even if he were to cast a show that is, ostensibly, talent based (like Top Chef or Last Comic Standing). He's looking for personality first and talent a distant second.

-- When you're trying to get on a reality show, one of the most important things is to "give the producers what they want." This goes back to Robert's slogan. The key to success on these shows is your willingness to do whatever is necessary to make the show entertaining.

-- Russel is well aware that the majority of people trying to get on the shows are actors. "We all know that actors come and audition for this, we just don't want you to tell us."

-- Jorge agreed with this; he did no actual dog grooming in his audition for Groomer Has It and, indeed, never did any real dog grooming before he got on the show. The producers didn't really care and neither did he. See, a reality show about dog grooming doesn't need actual dog groomers as much as it needs out-sized personalities that make dog grooming look interesting.

-- Dave mentioned that the Top Chef people made each contestant see a psychologist before shooting began. After meeting with the shrink, the producers, with the help of the psychologist, assigned each person a role on the show. The "nice guy", the "villain", the "drama queen" -- all roles assigned before shooting.

-- This apparently is common practice on a lot of reality shows.

-- Editing, as you'd expect, plays a huge role in the outcome of a show. What you see is not necessarily what was filmed.

-- Jorge befriended the producers and a lot of what he did on the show was planned ahead of time with the producers' approval. This was done to maximize his screen time.

-- Finally, it's interesting to watch someone like Jorge, the kind of outgoing extrovert that makes for perfect reality TV, attempt to share the spotlight with Russel and Dave. It was obvious to me that the only person the students really wanted to talk to was Russel (after all, he was the gatekeeper of the fame they all desired), but Jorge was either oblivious to this or was too in love with the spotlight to care. I joked with Vinnie and Kate (the blogger from MSN) that I was going to ask a serious medical question -- what are some of the common causes of aneurysms? -- just to see if Jorge would answer that without hesitation.

Okay, I had one snarky aside. So sue me.

Part Six: This means something. This is important.

I've written almost four thousand words about the New York Reality TV School, but I'd feel like I was shirking my responsibilities if I didn't draw some final conclusions about the day. I'll try to keep them short and sweet:

1. Anybody who thinks that there is anything close to reality in reality TV shows is officially one of the Thermians from Galaxy Quest. I'm telling you, I was there, I heard what the producers wanted, how they manipulate the truth, and how the contestants in the shows are complicit in that manipulation. We have to start calling them fiction. It's like wrestling in the 80s... someone needs to stand up and point out what we all know, Hulk Hogan isn't really punching all those people!

2. There's a sad, Faustian bargain at work when you consider that the majority of reality TV show wannabes are actors. Here's what I mean: you would assume that an actor wants to become famous by dint of their talent. Ideally, their passion is for their work and any fame they get is just a by-product of that passion. Seeking a spot on a reality TV show is essentially saying that you've given up on your talent. As Russel said: it's not about the talent. So, these people who at one time had their hearts set on being recognized for their fabulous talents are now willing to do whatever it takes just so they might be recognized. As a kinda-sorta artist myself (comedian/ridiculously longwinded blogger), I both pitied and understood their position. Show business is not the kind of business you'd want to see your kid in.

3. That said, there are a few happy stories to be had. Dave Martin, for instance, is now following his muse as a restauranteur in New York City. He told me that he thinks his cast was unique because they didn't know what Top Chef was; sure the conventions of a reality show were there, but a lot of that original cast were passionate about food first and fame second. I asked him flat out if he had the choice between being the king of New York food or giving it all up to become some Food Network star, what would he want. He said the former, without hesitation. So integrity is possible.

4. For as much guff as I gave the NYRTV school in this article, Robert put on a pretty good show that I could see an aspiring reality TV show star finding useful. As I said, the Q&A is the real heart of the program, but the students didn't seem to mind the other exercises. I asked a lot of them on the way out if they enjoyed the class, and the answer was an overwhelming yes. Reviewing this school is like reviewing fetish porn: it might make you throw up, but you can't deny it gets the job done for the people who enjoy that sort of thing.

For more information about the school and for a class schedule, you can visit the New York Reality TV School on the web.

[Additional reporting and photography for this piece was done by Vinnie Nardiello.]