(S03E04) Usually the teasers for 30 Days are pretty innocuous. They give an idea about what the topic is and show some reactions from both sides. This week, however, I had the feeling I was going to be pissed.
The part that stuck out the most was the sound byte of Kati saying, "It confirms the option of becoming gay." A person who would let that comment come out of their mouth is clearly uneducated on a great many things and I hoped that we'd get to see some redeeming qualities in her.
I had to laugh when Spurlock said Kati was going from Leave it to Beaver to My Two Dads. I've seen both of those shows many times and while the Beav can certainly be classified as a kid from a "typical American home," I never got the idea that Paul Reiser and Greg Evigan played gay lovers. I guess I need to rent that show on DVD.
When we meet Kati, she seems reasonable and starts off by making what sounds like a valid point. She believes that two parents of the same sex are ill-equipped to give their child the life lessons that can only be provided by two different sexes. Now, I'm sure we'll get plenty of comments from experts, and I welcome them, but since I am nothing close to an expert, I have to concede that she may have a point. I have never met a boy raised by two men, but I can picture him growing up with an inordinate amount of insensitivity to women and their specific issues. So far Kati seems harmless.
Dennis and Thomas come across like superheroes. Not only did they adopt four boys who started out as foster kids, but their son Josh has special needs and couldn't even speak when he came to live with them. All lionizing aside, I am forced to admit that I could never do what they do. I only have two kids and while I've known them all their lives, there are still days when I want to drop them a Goodwill bin. That, of course, says more about me than it does them, but I'm sure you get the point.
The tensions begin after dinner on the first night. While it's clear that Kati is a sweet person and a loving mother, she is very vocal about her religion and how it informs her opinions on many things. Obviously, she interprets the Bible to say that homosexuality is wrong and that's something I can live with. She has a right to her beliefs, as do we all, but she seems to have a respect for the beliefs of others. The first red flag comes when she is asked if she believes that growing up in foster care without a permanent home is preferable to a same-sex household. To paraphrase her answer, she says yes. I assume that's because she believes that the "immoral" influence does more damage than the lack of a stable home. Again, while I think this is a fairly ludicrous way of thinking, I don't fault her for her beliefs.
It's at Kati's lunch with a pair of lesbian parents and their daughter that she first shows her ignorance. First of all, Kati is under the impression that being gay is a choice. I know that there are probably people reading this review who agree with her, but you are wrong. Being gay is no more a choice than being black, Jewish or female. The only choice homosexuals have is whether or not to lie to themselves and/or their loved ones about who they are. Let me reiterate, in case I am being unclear, if you believe that homosexuality is a choice, you are free to believe that, but you are wrong.
The best part of the conversation comes when the daughter of the lesbian couple shows Kati the flaw in her logic. She explains that her Mom grew up in a Catholic family with two different sex parents and she ended up being gay. So how does it make sense that a same-sex household can make you more inclined to be a homosexual? The answer is, it doesn't and the fact that Kati sits there silently affirms that.
What becomes very clear at this point is that Kati is very controlling. I applaud her for stepping into such an unfamiliar situation. But it's clear that she needs to learn that there are too many things in the universe that she can not control if she is going to be a happy person and a successful parent.
As always, Spurlock makes an effort to show a reasonable argument against same-sex marriage. Sadly, the effort is a complete failure. The sad story of the woman raised by her single gay father only goes to affirm the fact that no child should be raised by an inappropriate douchebag. Are we to believe that if her father had brought home women and discussed his sexual activities with them in front of his daughter that she would have grown up issue-free?
I was really pleased to see the tension breaker Spurlock included when he took a visit to the sperm bank. Not only did it remind us that having and raising children is a very lucrative business for a lot of people but the conversation he had about sperm donation made me laugh out loud.
The scene around the fire made me really sad. Not just because I felt sorry for Kati but because, as we saw last week with George the hunter, when people are being attacked, they will never concede to another point of view. Josh's relatives (The Pancakes?) stood there with their arms crossed and made accusations when they should have been trying to build some understanding on both parts. What gets me is that this family that has admittedly failed at raising their own son has the nerve to tell Kati what's best for kids. I hope those smores covered up the taste of irony in their mouths.
At the end of the thirty days, it was clear that there would be no happy ending and yet, this episode was my favorite of all three seasons. I really liked the point Kati made about how everyone in America should be able to respect each other while expressing their individual beliefs. The best part was how Kati was able to see the value in really examining how people with opposing viewpoints live. Even though she won't change her beliefs, at least she won't be talking "through her hat" anymore. How great would it be if we could all do that?
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 3)
6-24-2008 @ 11:51PM
Ryan said...
I very much doubt that sexual orientation is 100% genetic or 100% based on how you were raised or 100% anything. From all of the psychological research I've seen (twin studies especially), it seems that sexual orientation is a complex result of genetics, family environment and perhaps dozens of other factors. Is it a choice? No -- though I suppose it can be argued that acting on one's interests is a choice. Are people born gay? Probably not 100%, but genetics seem to have some influence.
Unfortunately, people on both sides want the answer to be more black and white than it really is.
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6-25-2008 @ 8:59AM
Rocketboy said...
It's not a choice in that some people are turned on by Red-heads, or black jeans. They didn't 'choose' to be turned on by the specific things that they are turned on by.
6-25-2008 @ 12:00AM
Jeremy Lacey said...
I don't really know how I feel on the subject of homosexuality in general, but one thing that I think has been made pretty obvious (through this show and other information) is that children who end up with problems are more a result bad parenting. Clearly the couple depicted in this episode are wonderful parents.
Let's face it. Adopting couples, especially gay adopting couples, are probably going to be very good parents (however there are exceptions). Adoptive parents must go through tons of scrutiny and background checks before they are approved. If only we went through these kinds of measures before we gave heterosexual couples the go-ahead to procreate.
In the end, I felt little to no sympathy for Kati. Sure the entire family ganging up on her was unfair, but she certainly was coming from a very antagonistic position herself. Also, at the end, where her summation of the 30 days was basically a contradiction, I felt it was more along the lines of, "I don't like gays, but to save face I'll say people can make their own decisions." At the very least she was presented with an overwhelming amount of evidence that homosexual parents are just as great (if not better) than heterosexual parents. Unfortunately, rather than accepting and taking the evidence at least into consideration; she retreated to her "convictions". This show is to challenge your beliefs and open your eyes, which Kati was just absolutely not interested in doing.
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6-25-2008 @ 12:03AM
Michael Brennan-White said...
The lady whose father was gay and a douchebag (spot on description) should have been asked one question:
Since you believe that kids are harmed by being raised by a same sex couple, are you personally adopting any children to ensure they are raised correctly. Of course she isn't.
I have been switching back and forth between 30 Days and a MSNBC documentary about the FLDS community in Texas. It is scary to realize that until recently those families would probably have been considered more ideal foster parents than the couple from 30 Days.
Our family is a married man and woman family but god forbid anything ever happened to us, I hope to god they would be raised with people like these two gentlemen (whatever their relationship type).
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6-25-2008 @ 12:09AM
Miniboss said...
So I guess the term "lifestyle choice" no longer applies.
Also, I like how you're so sure that others are wrong, simply because you feel so strongly about your beliefs... and that's all it is. You haven't done research yourself. You've only read studies, or others' opinions. You may not have even done that.
I'm not arguing either way on the issue. However, your "I respect your beliefs, but you're 100% wrong" isn't any different than Kati, in my opinion.
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6-25-2008 @ 4:41AM
StillBash said...
feed "why being gay is not a choice" into this neat little thing:
http://www.google.com
And just for the sake of showing that you are a total moron: just because you researched something doesn't mean you are right anyway. You can research all your life and end up with false data because you made a mistake somewhere.
Problem is: being gay is not a choice and it's proved by the 5% of gays in the world's population who tell you it isn't. Why do you need to RESEARCH something that 5% of 6 BILLION people tell you?
Do you think they all just met one day and came to the understanding that they now fool the whole world in telling them that they never made a choice?
I mean you are entitled to your opinion, but please leave it at that. Don't argue that just because you aren't a professor you can't understand the findings.
I mean there even are gay animals. Do you suppose they all made a choice too? Because then I hope you are a serious vegan for the cows might chose to come to your house one day and get in some funny business with you...
6-25-2008 @ 12:34AM
Justin said...
I just got done watching the show, and I personally think that the (Pancakes?) should have let Kati speak her opinion. Everyone has diffrent opinions, and are entitiled to them. I also have a strong love for God, and follow under his rules. I also think that you are not born gay, but yet the situation you were in during the time you was being raised by your parents. You see. Thats my opinion. Let the (Pancakes?) deflect me, when they cant even raise there own kids. I am 15, and believe that a kid or kids raised in a gay or lesbian home, that being gay or lesbian parents, or being adopted by the same sex is more likely prown to become gay, or lesbian. I believe in the same as Kati. The same sex should not be able to adopt children. I think its more right for kids to be raised by a mother, and father.I would love to have a chance to associate with Kati, because like her I have the same opinon, and I think we should stand up and take on are opinons, for God, and for the sake of the kids that could be prown to become gay, or lesbian. Remember gays, and lesbians, God gave you a choice, either to live eternal life, or burn in hell. If you are gay, or lesbian you will not live eternal life, but simpily burn in hell. It was just foolish of you not to take the right one.
P.S. I wish I could get Kati's email, so that maybe we can reflect on are opinon's. I am begging you . I really would like to asociate with her.
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6-25-2008 @ 12:52AM
Andrew said...
Sounds like someone has been brainwashed by mommy and daddy.
6-25-2008 @ 1:07AM
UnionStayshyn said...
"God gave you a choice, either to live eternal life, or burn in hell. If you are gay, or lesbian you will not live eternal life, but simpily burn in hell."
Again, I apologize for bringing up logic and reason.
". I think its more right for kids to be raised by a mother, and father."
So I assume you're fighting for workers rights? I assume you're fighting for a single-parent working wage? Or is it easier to come on here and disparage gays as being anti-family? Here's a clue, start focusing on economics and stop caring about what gays do and maybe your country will survive a couple more decades.
6-25-2008 @ 1:02AM
UnionStayshyn said...
"However, your "I respect your beliefs, but you're 100% wrong" isn't any different than Kati, in my opinion."
Not to bring up logic but given that you're attempting to create a false argument with completely absurd reasoning (sorry, I believe calling someone on that kind of thing is 'Unamerican' - but I must) but anti-homosexual arguments aren't based on the actual experience but, instead, on opinions about the experience. So I am not interested in 'respecting your beliefs' when I say I'm gay - I'm interested in living my life without your opinions on it. I've always thought it was funny when anti-gay views came from Americans since the whole idea of being American and the 'pursuit of happiness' seems to jive with being gay. It's YOU and YOUR opinions about MY life that cause conflict. Stop worrying about what two adults do and maybe you'll find your own 'pursuit' is a little easier.
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6-25-2008 @ 1:23AM
Austin said...
Not to break from the string too much, but I'm totally stoked for next week. I have been getting a little sick of the christain/white/conservative going into different situations (totally good idea, but there are other boundaries to push than the generic) and this goes to all my favorite sorta (but kinda really) liberal shows (I'm glaring at you Mr. Stewart). Gun control into a gun worshiping house? There's something I may even learn about.
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6-25-2008 @ 1:21AM
khamel said...
let the flame-wars begin!
this was probably the worst 30 days i have seen - not because it was done poorly or the people were bad (although the woman was clearly not prepared) but because it was pointless. Nothing was resolved except for letting everyone know that lots of kids have terrible lives and that these kids obviously didnt (which is no surprise).
This episode had no chance given the woman who was chosen. A person better prepared with a more nuanced stance and (to be honest) a stronger disposition is the only way it could have worked. Given that such a person is probably not going to agree to go on a TV show means I think this is one topic that 30 Days should have skipped.
People, regardless of your beliefs, keep it civil.
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6-25-2008 @ 1:27AM
furboll929 said...
I stopped watching this show after the first season. Nothing to do with the quality, as it addresses some important issues from the other side of the fence. So I did not see this episode before posting this comment, but I did want to reply to something you said in your review. "Being gay is no more a choice than being black, Jewish or female." I won't pretend to know what makes a person gay, but as a black man I really hate it when an oppressed group tries to make comparisons of their plights to what black people go through from the time they are born until the time they die. Yes gays, Jews, women, and all other genders, and nationalities get discriminated against. Gay or straight, adopting kids is a choice. The main focus of adopting a child is will you love and care for it. Being gay is information you need to offer in order for someone to know.
Black people have a hard time getting life’s basic necessities. No matter how qualified you are on paper, you walk in for a job interview the person knows that you’re black. Going in for any kind of loan the person see’s you’re black. Some people even discriminate by the sound of your voice over the phone. The rules change when you’re black. Black people are the most discriminated group in the world. I think the second most discriminated group next to black people are women. And as horrible as it sounds (which is not my intention insult anyone) women still have a better chance of advancement, because of sexist environments in the world.
Didn’t mean to write a thesis here, but I wanted to respond to your statement which stood out to me. Otherwise a great summary of the episode I didn’t watch.
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6-25-2008 @ 2:03AM
UnionStayshyn said...
As a gay man, I couldn't agree more, furboll929! Very true! Which is why I personally believe homophobia is more an extension of sexism.
Though I do believe when people make this comparison (though illogical), it's an attempt to make those that might have a loose understanding of human rights and, more importantly, the HISTORY of human rights, understand that we didn't always believe people with some kind of 'difference' were owed basic human rights. Therefore, it's an attempt to make them see that their phobia is based on lack of imagination and (likely) lack of empathy. Both of these aren't reason to hate anyone - more a reason to feel sorry for them.
While I welcome Spurlock's attempt at teaching Americans compassion and empathy, I do believe that once the laws have changed (like that have up here in Canada), people can think what they want and should be free do to so! Inequality in any country does not stem from homophobes, but by the laws that govern the land. I can live and let live up here since the laws protect me - down there I'd have to be more paranoid and militant since the laws don't afford me the same freedoms as others.
6-25-2008 @ 5:08AM
StillBash said...
I think it's kind of funny that you compare six million people killed in a gas chamber with picking up a loan at a bank.
You should've just let it go. Seriously.
Being gay is something that applies to humanity. Now you criticize a supposedly white author for saying that blacks have it different than whites and yews as well as gay people.
You know I live in germany. Let me just go outside and try to find a yew and ask him or her about who they think has it worse. I could also go to Saudi-Arabia and ask a gay person about his gay life in Mekka. Should be fun. And then we could go to Simbabwe and ask a black guy about how much of a problem it is to pick up a loan at a bank.
You see the problem?
- I would most likely have a hard time finding a jew here
- I would most likely have a hard time finding an openly gay person in Mekka
- I would most likely be asked by the black person in Simbabwe "what bank?" (because, you know, they have an inflation rate of about 17,000%+ at the moment making banks kind of obsolete).
It's kind of an insane to try to win the argument who has it worse. You should've said that you think that you have it worse living as a black person in the USA, whilst in the end just saying "Hey Paul, I think you are white and putting the black community into one bag with being gay and jewish is wrong".
I so hope Paul is jewish. That would so totally rock. You could start arguing what's worse. 250 years of slavery or the german gas chambers.
6-25-2008 @ 7:36AM
Argus said...
There are so many things wrong with your comment furboll929... You're writing from a point of view shaped largerly by your own social geography. I mean have you been everywhere to see if blacks are discriminated against the most? Furthermore, where's the evidence that its more than the Jews? 2000 years of solid persecution seems like a pretty big vote for "Most Persecuted." And then there's women, who are still considered posessions by many people. In fact, I'm pretty sure the women of Saudi Arabia would be pretty happy if they even had the right to go and apply for a bank loan. In conclusion, though I'm sure you have faced your fair share of racism yourself, plenty of people are more discriminated against than you are.
6-26-2008 @ 6:18AM
Jen L. said...
furboll929, sorry to be piling on here, but I too had a strong reaction to your comment, and I think you might not realize how many assumptions you've made. You should have stopped at saying people shouldn't compare suffering. But since you went on to say your suffering is the worst, it behooves you to examine what other groups have historically suffered -- other commenters have provided you many examples.
Also, you might be surprised to learn that for the last 2 decades or so, Labor Statistics indicate that black men make on average higher salaries than white women. It's been widely discussed lately because of the Hillary-Barack primary.
6-25-2008 @ 2:10AM
Kati said...
Hey, Paul, I am Kati from the show. I love your column. I have read a lot of comments tonight. Most have been all over me in a negative way. I expected as much. You, however, tickled my funny bone. You know, what happened in real life, while I was there, did not all make it to the screen. I was at that firepit for well over an hour, and had been at that party for like 3 hours before that. I left the pit 3 times to "cool off" in a calm way. You know, I never got to eat that smore. A shame, really.
They chose me as a person who had a gut feeling about something I knew very little about. I tried to prepare as much as possible, but the fact remains that I don't know life in a group home. I don't know life in a glbt home. Well, I do now. But I didn't before. I did the best I could, with what knowledge I had, and regardless of all the comments, I am a good person, I am in no way a glbt hater, and I am glad I did this. I am now ready and prepared to stand up and be counted as the people of California go head to head with the CA Supreme Court to undo what has recently been done in regard to gay marriage.
I said a lot of things that didn't make it on the air. Plain and simple, not enough time. I do feel FX and 30 days did a great job, and I am proud to have been a part of it.
Kati
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6-25-2008 @ 11:18PM
Dave said...
Kati
The fact that you still feel you have the right to let the voters decide morality is what galls me. How can my marriage to my partner (which I did four years ago in Massachusetts) harm you? What happened to religious liberty? My church, The Episcopal Church is going to work to respect the rights of all to have a civil marriage, and if a church doesn't think its okay, they don't have to perform a religious ceremony. The Mormon faith has many tenants that others don't recognize, but I don't understand the legislation thing you are so hung up on.
7-01-2008 @ 10:43PM
MarcDom7 said...
Kati, I definitely respect your right to your beliefs and wouldn't want to do anything to infringe on that.
That said, I would like to pose a hypothetical for you:
Not everyone believes in the Mormon doctrine. In fact, many Christians do not understand or respect the religion on both a moral and spiritual level. Now, if we as a country put a law into motion that banned Mormon families from adopting children, how would you feel?
To me, it's no different than banning GLBT from adopting just because you disagree with who they are. Many people disagree with who you are, but would never dream of limited your rights to adoption.