TVSquad

A high profile family like the Bluth clan requires a large staff to meet its needs. They need to keep up the image (make that illusion) of their lifestyle, after all. Yacht crews, maids, and Segway repairmen are basic necessities. The skilled professionals were the ones that kept the Bluths going. Here are a few of my favorites:

Gene Parmesan (Martin Mull) - As private eyes go, Gene was not a top-notch detective. If he spent more time investigating and less time on his disguises, he might have discovered George Sr.'s infidelity back in the day. I can't decide which is funnier: Gene's satisfied smirk whenever he took off his disguise, or Lucille's screams when he tricked her. It's a shame that Martin Mull only stuck around for a single episode. Perhaps the writers wanted to let Gene leave on high note after locating George Sr. and hanging out with G.O.B.


Ice (Malik Yoba) - You can't have a party without Ice. The bounty hunter caught the attention of several Bluths. G.O.B. wanted to befriend Ice, and Lindsay wanted to have an affair with him. Unfortunately for both of them, Ice was only interested in providing his catering services. The perfect opportunity came when George Sr. was declared dead. Ice catered the wake, complete with smoothies and salmon rolls. The food must not have been very good, because the Bluths never hired him again. They even let Lindsay cater the Save Our Bluths dinner. Still, it was fun watching Lindsay and G.O.B. deal with rejection.



J. Walter Weatherman (Steve Ryan) - The Bluths were always big on lessons, and J. Walter Weatherman was often a central figure in those lessons. This one-armed man was part of my favorite episode in the first season ("Pier Pressure"), and turned up in season three to teach the Bluths the ultimate lesson--"And that's why you don't use a one-armed person to scare someone." I often wondered how Weatherman made a living when he wasn't scaring people, and I got my answer when Buster found him at the prosthetics store. I wish that Weatherman had come back for the finale. He could have taught FOX a lesson about canceling brilliant shows.

The Legal Team: Barry Zuckerkorn, Bob Loblaw, and Wayne Jarvis (Henry Winkler, Scott Baio, and John Michael Higgins) - I'll always be grateful that Barry Zuckerkorn brought the phrase "not super-prepared" into my life. Although he was never technically hired by the Bluths, Wayne Jarvis was the family's best shot at a capable defense attorney. A consummate professional, Wayne refused to charge for small talk and could hide at a moment's notice--just don't take him to a Cirque du Soleil performance. I was impressed with the mileage that the writers got out of Bob Loblaw's name. Bob skewed younger than Barry Zuckerkorn, but wasn't nearly as loyal. Perhaps he was too distracted by Lindsay's clumsy advances and the demands of his law blog to give the Bluth case his full attention.



Larry the surrogate (Bob Einstein) - George Sr. used to appear at family meetings via closed circuit TV, but learned that his wife and children could silence him too easily. He sent Larry to ensure that his advice, insults, and profanity would be heard. Of all the inept Bluth employees, Larry made the best mistakes. He couldn't "sell the sarcasm" and never knew when to keep his mouth shut. For my money, nothing was funnier than watching Larry speak for Buster in "Mr. F". Something about Bob Einstein's monotone voice saying worlds like "yay" and "goody" is just wrong.

The Assistants: Kitty Sanchez and Starla the business model (Judy Greer and Mo Collins) - Both George and G.O.B. made the mistake of hiring assistants that they wanted to sleep with. Starla had a rough time at the Bluth Company. The "Solid as a Rock" campaign failed to catch on, and she got rabies while pursuing former lover Quincy Jones. To be fair, Starla wasn't cut out to be a secretary; she didn't even know what photocopies were. Kitty, while less of a victim, was no match for the Bluths. Her attempts to take control of the Bluth Company and to have a Bluth son both failed (although we never did learn what happened to that cooler of sperm). Kitty faded into the background of the AD universe, but I like to think that she's down at Señor Tadpole's having a margarita made in her mouth.



Ira Gilligan (Michael Hitchcock) - Every unethical businessman needs a fall guy. Ira seemed like an ideal choice for the role. I suspect that George kept Ira around just so he could say Ira's surname. Who wouldn't want to yell out "Gilligan!" in frustration? After Gilligan drew attention to some missing money, the Bluths tried to frame him for the Skipper's--no, a stripper's--murder. I initially though that Ira was too square to be a Bluth employee, but I was wrong. Gilligan proved to be more devious (and a far more successful criminal) than any of the Bluths. He took off with the money and the stripper, and was never heard from again. Well played, Gilligan.