(S10E13) The above screencap is the photographic equivalent of a horizontal suck sandwich.
Okay, that's not entirely accurate. The photos of Whitney and Anya are perfectly fine, but my hatred for the individual in the center pretty much taints the picture for me.
And in a broader sense, that's been the overarching flaw with cycle 10 of America's Next Top Model.
Now, I don't want to put too much thought into this argument because I'm lazy, but Dominique and Fatima lasting as long as they did kind of put a stain on this cycle for me.
Sure, there's a part of me that was glad these two hairy warts on the face of the modeling community hung around for so long because it made it a hell of a lot easier to be snarky for 13 hours worth of television.
That slight benefit aside, isn't anyone else horrified how close we came to one of these wildebeest winning? One episode ago, we had a 50% chance of Dominique or Fatima winning this thing. At the beginning of tonight's show we had a 33% chance of Fatima winning.
This is a modeling competition about beauty--both internally and externally as cheesy and cliché as that sounds. I found Dominique to be the antithesis of beauty inside and out. Fatima was pretty on the outside for the most part, but from what I saw of her innards she was rotten.
As fans of the show, shouldn't we be questioning the integrity of the competition at this point? More importantly, shouldn't we be rioting outside of The CW studios demanding that Tyra and the rest of the panel endure a mandatory psychological evaluation? They just can't be right in the head! They nearly made a nation of aspiring adolescent models look up to and/or emulate their looks and their actions.
It wouldn't have been pretty ladies and gentlemen, but thankfully a national catastrophe was likely averted tonight.
The episode was pretty much a whirlwind and I'm thankful for it because I've about run out of things to say about it.
We quickly learned that the girls would be shooting a CoverGirl TV commercial and a print ad in which the winner would be prominently displayed in a Walmart ad and a billboard in Times Square.
At this point Saleisha made an appearance. She didn't really have a whole lot to offer the girls in terms of words of wisdom, but she did to a fairly decent job of illustrating what the girls shouldn't do with their hair.
Fatima looked decent in her commercial but really rushed the cadence of her speech, which ultimately took away from her overall performance.
Whitney had a few hiccups here and there, but produced the best product--all without summoning her inner Pacino. Apparently, she took the panels criticisms to heart because she didn't exaggerate her speech and there were no over-the-top facial expressions. Good for her.
Then there was Anya...
Okay, this screencap isn't really fair because we all know Anya doesn't have a lazy eye but I'm pretty sure I've gotten to the point where I find her "accent" as distracting as a lazy eye.
You know how when you're having a conversation with an individual who has a lazy eye, and your own eyes keep wandering over to their lazy eye and you lose your focus? My mind tends to do that whenever Anya speaks. I see her speaking and I hear the words coming out of her mouth, but the part of my brain that has to decipher absolutely gibberish takes over and I end up having no clue what just occurred.
Jay seemed to think that Anya salvaged the shoot because she radiates energy and "we just relate to her." I disagree completely. I had a Speak and Spell when I was a kid. My parents read to me. I had a copy of Hooked on Phonics. I've got a fairly decent grasp of the English language. I do not relate to Anya at all.
The Midway Elimination
I was most impressed by Whitney's CoverGirl ad and agreed that Fatima and Anya's gaze was a bit too heavenly. I didn't agree with Paulina saying that Anya looked stupid in her ad? Where in the hell did that comment come from? Doesn't Paulina know that you readers and I are the only people allowed to say rude things about the contestants? How dare she.
And with this sequence came the end of my arch nemesis. Anticlimactic, I know, but I've expended so much energy criticizing her and Dominique this season, I've about run out of things to say. Well almost...
I did get a kick out of Fatima proclaiming that she "made history" by being the first refugee woman to be a part of America's Next Top Model. Made history? Seriously? Are they going to cover this in Junior High history class after the Emancipation Proclamation? Priceless.
Farewell Fatima. May your journey into obscurity be long and painful.
The finale found the girl on the runway wearing clothing handpicked by Donatella Versace. Allegedly, this was the largest, most high fashion runway show ever to occur in Top Model history. It didn't appear any more lavish then runway shows in cycles past, but it did include a lot of scary looking nearly nude male models with vacant expressions on their face.
And here is how the girls looked:
I have to hand it to her, Whitney absolutely annihilated the runway. She's got the model walk down to a science and the fact that she has "a juicy booty" only acted to accentuate the fierceness of her stride.
I actually found myself shocked by Anya's lackluster presence on the runway. You could tell early in the episode during her breakdown that the competition had really drained her. She just didn't appear all that confident and she didn't adjust very well to the tight silver dress she was stuffed in during her second pass. It's a shame she hit a low point when it counted the most, particularly after flying so high a majority of the season.
It was pretty easy to tell what was going to happen at this point, agree?
Final Elimination
As usual, the girls were fighting for a contract with Elite Model Management, a cover and six-page spread in Seventeen magazine, and a 100K contract with CoverGirl cosmetics.
And the winner was, Whitney. Finally, after 10 long cycles a model with some curves won the competition! I didn't figure it'd happen before this show went off the air, but we all know I've made a habit of being wrong about these things.
And like that we're done. Writing the recaps for the last three cycles has been a lot of fun. I've appreciated each and every reader and all the kind comments from last week's recap. I'll miss writing these as much as you'll miss reading them.
Look me up on the Facebook if you want to stay in touch. There's a chance I'll continue the recaps in some form come cycle 11...
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 2)
5-15-2008 @ 1:46AM
Anita said...
I'm up and down about the conclusion. Anya looks slightly anorexic in the above photo and I initially rooted for Whitney. I was just disappointed by some of her behavior during the season. I do think Fatima is gorgeous, but her actions consistently reduced her chances for winning. I've noticed that in past cycles, no matter how talented/pretty, Tyra never made anyone with the nickname Evil-line the winner (i.e. Renee). On a random note, ironically, Whitney will probably have a better chance for an actual career, considering the plus size modeling world works slightly differently. However, I wasn't really crazy about any of the models this cycle and I'm hoping TB takes off a couple months to reimagine the franchise -
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5-15-2008 @ 2:48AM
PUNKBOOKKEEPER said...
As annoying as Fatima was, you just can't help but have some sympathy for a woman who has been shorn of her clitoris...
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5-15-2008 @ 4:23AM
Andrew said...
Why do they call it a cycle? What's wrong with calling it a season like everyone else?
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5-15-2008 @ 5:23AM
Patrick said...
'Suck Sandwich' is my new favorite saying!
Gawd yes... please do come back next cycle JJ.
There was a point during this show that ANTM almost lost me for good. The part where Whitney descimated the Cover girl challenge (as comparred to Anya and Fatima) yet was in the bottom two because... what was it? Oh yeah... there was 'something she was hiding inside'???
Talk about your WTF moment?
When they said that to her at panel... she had a blank stare on her face. "Huh?!?"
I do disagree about the 'stupid' comment Paulina (bod did she turn out to be a beotch) made. It was kinda of a dumb look... I've seen more of an expression on an 'extra' in a Rob Zombie movie!
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5-15-2008 @ 7:05AM
Jez said...
Anya was robbed. But at the very least without the title, serious agencies would want to book her.
Anyway, I think this cycle was very good. Definitely a step up compared to the last few cycle. Bring on cycle 11!
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5-15-2008 @ 7:11AM
reb said...
Thanks for all the great recaps, JJ. Best of luck in your new job!
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5-15-2008 @ 7:30AM
Ju-Ju-Bean said...
I was both surprised and happy that Whitney won. But after seeing Trya walk down that runway looking VERY VERY full-figured, I had an inkling that Whit would take the top spot.
However, how dare the ANTM producers insult my intelligence. Calling that a "fashion show" was redonkulous. There were only about 40 people there, who they probably pulled off the street, the finale of the show didn't produce a designer, be it Versace or whomever - - the whole thing just stank of FAKE.
All that aside, a pretty good season....errrr...excuse me: CYCLE!
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5-15-2008 @ 8:39AM
tpagon said...
Whitney really deserved it. I think she's one of the most likable girls in this cycle.
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5-15-2008 @ 9:19AM
Sarah said...
hey JJ, make a ANTM group on facebook. i'll join just to see the recaps, since the next cycle is to start this fall.
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5-15-2008 @ 9:37AM
khia213 said...
JJ,
You might want to consider whether calling the two black women in the competition "wildebeasts" is offensive. While I didn't like Dominique, Fatima is a beautiful woman. A bad model, but pretty nonetheless.
referring to them as animals smacks of racism at the very least.
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5-15-2008 @ 9:43AM
deebopalula said...
Is it me, or does Anya look a little like Celine Dion in the top "sandwich" pic? And Saleisha looks a little like Liza Minnelli in the shot above. And no, neither of those statements are compliments.
Well we'll miss you JJ. You crack me up.
As for Whitney winning -- I like the decision (although my original choice was Claire), but does it really surprise anyone that they went for the "politically correct" choice of a "plus size" winner in a time where European fashion shows are banning super skinny models, Dove ads feature real women/true beauty, etc., etc. The conspiracy theorist in me says they timed the crowning of a "plus size" model perfectly. And I keep quote marking "plus size" because in the REAL real world, all the "plus size" models they have featured on the show to date would actually just look like normal women.
Can we exchange the term "plus size" for "normal" or even "luscious" or even NOTHING and instead label the anorexic models as "under sized" or "abnormally freakishly I-can-see-your-clavicles-and-count-all-your-rib-bones thin". Just a thought......
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5-15-2008 @ 9:53AM
deebopalula said...
Hahahaha!!!! Never picked up on that before. Guess cuz it's a show featuring women?! Dunno. That was my laugh of the day!
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5-15-2008 @ 10:02AM
deebopalula said...
My laugh of the day comment was in response to Andrew's comment (#3). Not sure why it didn't link there as I did it as a "reply".....
5-15-2008 @ 10:16AM
miranda said...
I hate that society thinks a size 10 or 12 is plus size. Never have I seen one of these sizes listed in the plus size section of a store. This is why girls are anorexic even though Tyra is supposedly against all that crap. I am a size 10 and I am not plus size. I have a big booty but my waist is smaller. I have to find pants to fit over my big booty in order to get them up. I could fit into an 8 if that thing wasn't back there. Please stop refering to 10 and 12 as plus size.
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5-15-2008 @ 10:20AM
deebopalula said...
Alright - I must add one last thing and then move on with my life (I've got things to do today people!) -- As loathe as I am to defend Fatima, I must say, in the "suck sandwich" pic above, she looks luminous. And yet inside, so much darkness. That leads me to think..... On this show, we get to see what a model is like outside AND inside. But in real life, we rarely see that with models. Unless, for instance, they have a habit of bonking their assitants on the head with cell phones.
How many of the real supermodels would be supermodels if we all got to judge them on their looks AND their personality? Not to mention the top models who actually have no personalities whatsoever. This is probably one of those careers where one's personality has little impact on their ability to achieve success. Is somebody seriously going to boycott the jeans a model is selling because they find out she's an b*tch? I think it may actually have the opposite effect. I'm just sayin'....
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5-15-2008 @ 10:29AM
Delo said...
Its about time, to have a plus size model, although size 8-12 is not plus size. I am so glad that Whitney won, I knew she would and she should have. Fatima is beautiful, but you can't use what is a cultural thing in her country. Don't get me wrong this is a form of mutilation, but you can't have a sympathy win. Anya has the universal body, small and anorexic. Models come like that a dime a dozen. Whitney, once she got the makeover it helped her so much. Whitney deserverd to win -- hands down. I am considered a plus size -- 16 and I am proud of my size and I look good. Remember people Marilyn Monroe was a size 14, tell me she was not drop dead beautiful.
CONGRATS WHITNEY
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5-15-2008 @ 3:01PM
Sarah said...
as much as i am with you Delo, being a size 14 myself, i wish people would stop referring to Marilyn Monroe. she may have been a size 12 in her day, but sizings have changed so much over the year. in reality, Marilyn was the equivalent of our size 6.
5-15-2008 @ 10:31AM
deebopalula said...
Miranda - I totally agree. The introduction of size zero signaled the apocalypse for me. Excuse me, but that is not normal! I remember season/cycle one when they referred to Robin as "plus size". I was like "say what whadda what what???!!!".
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5-15-2008 @ 10:39AM
whitney said...
Ju-Ju-Bean, at least this cycle's runway show had an actual audience. During last season's show in China the only people watching were the judges.
Now that I think about it though, the contestants probably don't have the chops to pull off a real runway show, even at the very end of the competition. See Anya's performance last night as evidence.
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5-15-2008 @ 1:00PM
Audrey said...
you must be one unhappy ugly bully, i bet you look like a dog, i have never heard such mean comments before in my life, i wouldn't read your column again if somebody
promise to shoot you....
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