TVSquad

Jon started the episode with an apology to his family and neighbor for mistaking Quatro de Mayo for a drinking holiday. That's rather silly, as everyone knows that's actually Star Wars day ("May the Forth by with you"). The beginning of May also saw the anniversary of President Bush's flightsuit-tastic "Mission Accomplished" banner unveiling. Yeah, it doesn't hurt any less. White House spokeswoman Dana Perino attempted to ease the bitterness by admitting that the banner should have been more specific, stating, "Mission accomplished for these sailors who are on this ship on their mission." Jon also managed to call me out as one of the "font crazy" home viewers, because I made a weird face as I thought, "I'm pretty sure Times Courier isn't a real font..."

"The Long Flat Seemingly Endless Bataan Death March to the White House", "Panderer's Box": Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton somehow managed to virtually split Guam in the recent caucus, with Obama just slightly in the lead. Obviously, both sides need to pander like they have never pandered before. Clinton put on her best fake accent and pretended to like race cars, desperate to get a little love from North Carolina and Indiana. Obama, on the other hand, attempted to show off his basketball skills without scaring any white people ("Whoa! We get it, Malcolm X... It's just a game"). Also, I should note that having Hillary Clinton's photo right next to Jon's head made me realize that the two of them almost have the same pompadour. One of them needs to make a change, and quick.

"John Ollie's Ticket to the Pollies": The creative minds behind political ads love self-congratulations just as much as any other group that starts their own awards ceremony. John Oliver interviewed some of the top dogs in the game and discovered that they are some lovely people. Did the team use different cameras? This report felt distinctly fancier. Obviously I don't know what I'm talking about because I didn't pay much attention to my Freshman year Video I course. Also, was that fashion guy Cojo that I spotted in the preview of Part Two? I'm worried.



The night's guest was Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, promoting his book The Good Fight. I swear I thought the Senator had gone catatonic after he failed to respond to Jon in the first few moments of the interview. I mean, I knew he was famously soft-spoken, but this was damn near embarrassing. Only when he started talking about the Democratic majority was I convinced the Senator was not going to smile and nod and just let Jon carry an awkward, one-sided conversation.



Jon/Stephen: The dynamic duo broke up, because Stephen Colbert finally renounced Jon for being the worst Jewish pastor ever. By the way, The Colbert Report's second guest was a thousand times more exciting than Senator Reid, at least in terms of dance moves. The pre-taped dance-off with Rain finally aired and, despite the brevity, it was well worth the wait. I mean, the dancing was all right, but most of the hilarity (and awesomeness) was brought by Stephen Colbert's red pants. I honestly don't think I have any choice but to embed that video here.



Moment of Zen: Hillary Clinton may not be fond of economists now, but they used to matter. Kind of.