TVSquad

"Pope in America: Blessed Week Ever": As promised... Popewatch! The Pope is in America and the media has been going absolutely nuts. Their fawning descriptions of Pope Benedict have been appropriately Pope-ish. The intensity of this coverage confused Jon though, as he was still under the impression that the Jews ran the media. I think my favorite part of that JNN clip was the crawl along the bottom. "Weather: Chilly, wear a jacket.... Eat up! You're skin and bones.... Next door neighbor a doctor... A doctor!.... Oil $110 a barrel, but for you $90.... Rachel Weisz: She's a Jew you know..."

Jon's shouty German voice was hilarious and reminiscent of the Germans Who Say Nice Things from The Dana Carvey Show. "IT WAS A PLEASURE BABYSITTING KEVIN." Yeah? No? Well, here's a clip if you have absolutely no idea what I'm talking about.



Then Senior Correspondent Samantha Bee, looking like the most adorable pregnant Catholic schoolgirl I've seen in weeks, talked about her experience seeing the Pope. Just because she's a heathen with loose morals, the plaid skirt was enough to restore the Catholism in her. And that doesn't mean she's addicted to cats. Sam's belly is getting huge! I think this is the first time I've actually noticed her bump since she announced her pregnancy.



"Fights, Camera, Action!": Rob Riggle filed a report about the courageous members of the paparazzi and the attempts to stifle their creativity. Without them, we'd only be able to see Paris Hilton's vagina two or three times a day. "Martha Washington! Over here! Hold still while I render your vagina!" The end cameos by Brooke Shields, Chris Meloni, and Kim Kardashian were cute, but... oh, man. Riggle could have taken this so much further. There are so many horrible aspects of the paparazzi industry, it would have been ridiculously easy for Riggle to really nail the photogs. It probably would have been even funnier if they just spent those five minutes rolling footage of celebrity-stalking photographers getting their asses kicked by Bjork or more audio of John Oliver shouting, "Martha Washington! Martha Washington! Hold still while I render your vagina!"



The night's guest was Peter Steinfels, NY Times columnist who has been keeping a close eye on the Pope's visit to America. Did I hear a phone go off in the background? For shame, audience member who still hasn't learned to silence their phone. For shame. Anyway, the interview was pretty straight-forward. Mr. Steinfels talked about the influence of the Pope in America and the effect that his visit will have on the States' Catholics.

Moment of Zen: Fox News loves the Pope's tiny head, which is surprisingly full of knowledge. I like to think of his head like the TARDIS from Doctor Who... It's bigger on the inside.