TVSquad

(S09E30) "I kept getting turned down for acting jobs. Then I realized God wanted me to go on TV and be me." - Natalie

Well, I don't know about that. The more I watch Natalie on Big Brother 9, the more I'm sure that Paula Abdul, Lucille Ball, and Chucky the killer doll had some sort of bizarre ménage à trois and came up with a love child named Natalie who has found religion and uses it as it suits her needs. Sure, she can play the game well. Oh, and she surely does a good Natalie. But I can't see her ever becoming an actress. Read on past the jump for my full review of tonight's show.

At the end of the last episode, we saw the tides turning against Natalie. Sheila had promised Ryan and Natalie she wouldn't put them up on the block as they dropped out of the head of household competition letting her win. So she really doesn't have any choice but to put Adam and Sharon on the block. She lets both of them and Ryan know her real target is Natalie.

Once again, the Diary Room segments editing was perfect. Sheila tells us that the worst case scenario is that Natalie will win the power of veto. (Of course, since it's Sheila, she can't come up with a line to use just once. She repeated the "worst case scenario" line twice more during the episode.) In her segment, Sharon told us that Natalie has no clue the whole house is against her. She's pretty confident that she's safe. Then it was time for Natalie's segment. She gloated how she's been playing both sides -- Team Christ and the Girls Alliance -- and she's not worried at all this week. Adam, well liked despite his gross personal habits, is worried.

Natalie, as she usually does when one of her alliance buddies is HOH, went up to visit Sheila and get even closer. Surely Sheila is dependent on Natalie for running the Head of House, right? After all, she ran Adam's to a point, Ryan's ... and it's due to her that Sheila even won it. I think the girl might be in for a rude awakening.

Sheila started talking about what a baby Adam is being about being on the block and Natalie just ate that up. But, even though they're the last of the couples, Natalie doesn't know the extent of Sheila and Adam's relationship. Sheila told us that she will do whatever she needs to do to protect Adam in the game. She'll bash him in front of the girls, but she wants to be in the final two with him.


But then there's a bit of a skirmish between the Natalie, Ryan, Adam, and Sheila alliance over Adam's reaction to being on the block. I've noticed that Ryan has a bit of a bully side to him and, sure enough, he used it on Adam. He started in on how Adam put their alliance at risk last week by putting Sheila on the block while he knows darn well that they want to backdoor Natalie this week. I don't care for bullies and the more Ryan pulls his Mr. Superiority act, the more I'd rather he not win this season. I can't picture in my mind what the relationship with Ryan and Jen must be like. They both have aggressive personalities.

"I'm not calling you out, but you put our alliance at risk last week. You can't blame Sheila," Ryan said. Now, I didn't see Adam blaming Sheila, did you? No, he wasn't happy going on the block, but he's more worried about the possibility of going home rather than placing blame on anyone. Ryan has to be the big guy, though. So Adam must listen. I guess.

Then it turns on Natalie. As Adam and Sheila discuss her, Sheila complains that Natalie has never really communicated with her in the house. I recall she said the same thing about others -- no one takes the time to know her. Well, perhaps if Sheila didn't keep repeating the same things all the time, people might be a bit more willing to get to know her. It's just a thought, but there you go. Adam starts spewing biblical -- "False witnesses never profit. Natalie is Judas."

Oh, perfect. An image of Adam as an evangelical television minister just wafted into my mind and I can't get it out of there. I can see it now. "False witnesses never profit. You know whut I'm sayin'. Natalie is Judas! You know whut I'm sayin' right?" Between the Jersey accent and repeating that "you know whut I'm sayin'" phrase which annoys the heck out of me ... gack. I'm going to have nightmares tonight!


The houseguests were expecting the POV competition, but not one at night. Such excitement for the hamsters! Adam, in a Diary Room segment, told us he wants to be on and off and D-U-N. Will he get his wish? Remember, the worst case scenario is for Natalie to win. If she wins, the nominees remain the same. Anyone else winning will presumably remove one of the nominees from the block. Then Sheila will have no choice but to put Natalie up. Sheila gives Sharon her bleeping word that she won't be going home.

Natalie is sure she's going to do well. She has preemies. I'm not sure if she realizes that's a word used for babies born before they're due. She thinks it's a cute nickname for premonitions. Either that or she has tiny babies hidden around the house who will leap out and help her win the power of veto. Yeah, that must be it!

The houseguests were separated into various rooms in the house and had to wait to be summoned to the yard. Once there, they found a huge TV screen and a table full of remote controls. The TV screen actually had nine individual screens. They had to use the remotes to flip puzzle pieces, complete the puzzle at hand, then hit the buzzer. If they're wrong with their solution, they have to redo it until they get it right.

I know I've ragged on Natalie throughout this, but she's so easy ... er ... but she was the funniest in this competition. "Where's the top of Adam's head? Where's his head?" she shouted at the screen. She had likened the whole set-up to a 70s love shack. Um, I don't recall any love shacks like that in the 70s. I think it was more along the lines of the VW microbus.

The images as they surfed the channels were of houseguests and guinea pigs with houseguest hair. Ryan claims he was mesmerized by the beauty of Jen's image and it threw his timing off. Sharon was horrified that Jacob's face was on Evel Dick's body. Everyone was worried because Natalie has always claimed to be a puzzlemaster (not to be confused with being a puppermaster). But Adam had an efficient approach about it. He first set up his workspace and soon realized the correct solution to the puzzle was in the guinea pigs, not in the people. It wasn't a good competition for Sheila. She saw Evel Dick's image and got all hot and bothered -- run, Dick, run! Run like the wind!

When the results came in, it was no surprise that Sheila had the worst time. Ryan completed the puzzle in 6.01 minutes, Sheila 15.30, Adam 3.20, Natalie 12.09, and Sharon had a time of 4.56 minutes. So, Adam won the power of veto and Sharon came in second. When Natalie saw her own score after thinking she did so well, she looked a bit like the Wicked Witch melting. Heh.

Adam was pumped! He strutted, he smiled, he laughed, he stuck his chest out. But it's Big Brother, they had to get down to scheming. They all know he will take himself off the block and Sheila should be putting Natalie up in his place. Sheila told both Sharon and Adam that Natalie will not only go on the block, but she will go home. She gave her word she wouldn't put her on the block, but she never said anything about not backdooring her. She wants everyone to play her and make her think she'll be staying this week.

So Sheila plays Natalie. You see, Natalie is starting to get a bit suspicious of whatever is going on between Sheila and Sharon. "They're talking smack about me. I know it!" Sheila calms her ruffled feathers and assures her she isn't going anywhere this week. Oh my, how easily they lie to each other in the house. Sheila looked her right in the eyes and promised her she'd be safe when her goal is to get her gone.

The drama was broken up by Sheila's birthday party. If you're wondering why they sang "She's a Jolly Good Fellow," it's due to those pesky copyright issues. Sheila cried. She got a letter from her mother and cried some more. Believe it or not, single mom Sheila was raised by a single mom. I wonder if her mother harped so much about being a single mom, but I digress. Sheila doesn't have a great relationship with her mother and had no clue that her mother's a huge fan of the show and has watched every season. Sheila cries some more. She thinks she will have a better relationship with her mom all due to Big Brother. Aww, almost brings a tear to my eye. Or not.


Back to scheming now ... the boys (will they ever be MEN?) realize that once Natalie goes on the block, they'll be in charge. They'll have the only votes to decide eviction. Natalie is already on them reminding them what a great partner she is of theirs. Sheila is telling them how she wants Natalie out. Sharon thinks they're keeping her. After Sheila gets mad at Adam and threatens to put his boy on the block, the only hurdle they face is making sure that Natalie goes on the block and not Ryan. As long as Natalie goes up, Ryan says they'll run the house and the vote from here on in. They don't have to vote the way anyone wants them to and can make up their own minds.

The POV meeting itself held no surprises. Adam went through the formalities and asked Sharon why he should use the veto to save her. She told him he shouldn't. He won it, he deserves it. I got a kick out of him saying, "Motivated by Sharon's speech, I've decided to use the veto to save myself."

Sigh. Then came more tears. Sheila started saying how difficult the decision was, the hardest one she's had to make so far in the house. I thought her nominations last week were. Oh, this must supercede that, gotcha! Trembling, shaking, and tearing up, she nominated Natalie in Adam's place. Now, who could have seen that coming? I can't believe her drama when everyone in the house already knew she'd be putting Natalie on the block!

Next episode: Boys Gone Wild, it's eviction time!