TVSquad

(S09E22) Okay, the motto for Big Brother 9 is to expect the unexpected. Tonight was a good example of why I enjoy the reality television genre. You never know what's going to be said or what will happen. Although I've groused about this season and the current houseguests, tonight's episode will go down in the classics of the Big Brother annals. I don't necessarily agree or like everything which was said or happened. But I tell you ... tonight was legendary. Yes, really, it was.

Read on past the jump for the full skinny!

First, I'd like to mention that it's spring. If today's weather wasn't an indication, the fact that Julie Chen lost her big black biker boots -- okay, women biker boots -- tells me so. Instead of black velvet, she wore a beige or light tan sweater set and matching pants. Finally, spring is here!

Following the inevitable recaps, it was time for Easter in the house. Normally, Easter is one of those fun holidays on a secular level. You get to decorate Easter eggs, get to eat candy justifying the calories with the holiday, and a good time is had by all, right? Not in the BB9 house! The ChenBot warns us that eggs aren't the only things to crack under pressure in the house and she was spot on!

After another trip down recap lane so we'd remember the reasons for animosity and recall the various grudges in the house, it was onto the drama. While Sharon is telling Adam she's fine with him putting her on the block in place of James, Chelsia is pouting. In a Diary Room segment she rants to us that "they" wanted to break her and James up, "they" are just jealous of her relationship. He's the only one she trusts in the house! (Well, duh.) She's not ready to leave! Being in a relationship with him has screwed her over in the game! James is sympathetic and tender with her, but it doesn't matter.


And, that's just the start. I have to liken Chelsia to a tea kettle. In the following bits we saw her start off a bit cool, brought to a simmer ... simmering, simmering ... then BAM -- she boiled over! You could actually see it building as she first listened to Natalie telling her Natalie stories. During the Natalie stories, Natalie's "struck with a dumb stick" (thanks for that one commenter Laura!) vocabulary shined on through. Natalie started talking about "all-timers" disease and that got the kettle bubbling.

Cheslia ranted to us from the Diary Room -- "Alzheimer's! Alzheimer's! Get an education, Natalie!" Back in the kitchen, Natalie is innocently painting Easter eggs, chatting a mile a minute while doing it, but just doing the egg thing. Why, she painted one to look like the Beaver State! I think if she didn't hail from there, she'd move to there just to declare she's from the Beaver State, don't you?

That was the end of Drama, Act I for the episode, but there was more to come later on. Julie went on to talk to the houseguests. Adam is still embarrassed about all of the baby food in the HOH gift basket and doesn't know where they got the idea to send it to him. Sheila thinks Evel Dick is her kind of man. Natalie misses Matt every day, but thinks everything has a purpose. She believes she's actually playing the game better without him in the house.

It was then that the kettle started to whistle. Chelsia decided that if she was going to leave the house, she'd be leaving with a bang. I'm talking a real bang here. She first smashed one of Natalie's eggs, then threw another, smashing it on the floor. Then she smushed the whole bowl of eggs screaming about Natalie all the while. Sharon ran to hide. Natalie just sat in her room. She seemed almost under a spell quoting sayings like "judge not lest ye be judged" and biblical things. After all, she knows God will save her from the evil Chelsia. She does her nails and chants to keep the spirit of Chelsia away from her tender soul.

Adam and Ryan watched it all from the spycam in the HOH room. Their reactions were a mix of chuckles and awe. Not awesome, mind you. More of a shock, I'd say. In Diary Room segments, Natalie said that Chelsia has a foul mouth and her parents will be shocked and Sheila called her a problem child, gossip monger, and a potty mouth. Now, Sheila called the kettle black right there as she tends to be the biggest gossip monger in the house, but that's beside the point.

That was the end of Drama Act I in the house as Julie went on to talk to the houseguests. We found out that Adam is still very embarrassed about all of the baby food in his HOH gift basket and doesn't know how or who decided to choose it for him although he suspects his mother. Sheila thinks Evel Dick is her kind of man. (Run, Dick, run like the wind!) Natalie, although she misses Matt every day, believes she's actually playing the game better without him in the house. Sharon will pass the fur-iend care to Natalie if she gets voted out.

Then it was to a segment on Adam. Even though Julie called him A-Baller, his family called him A-Baller, we still didn't get the origin of the nickname. Adam primped, he strutted, he danced, he lifted weights. His mother seems quite proud of him. She says he's always been the kind of boy to help others -- cue to cut to Adam giving Sheila that ten grand which ended up in Ryan's pocket. He was a boy scout and he's oh-so-smart. His brother, definitely the more attractive one, said Adam is indeed smart and yet people tend to think he's dumb. Well, that fits in with his behavior at the house. I better watch out. I don't want to be an Adam fan!

In Julie's HOH chat with Adam, he came across as very personable. He was animated, yet polite. At least he didn't say "crap my pants" like James did to offend the ChenBot!, but he was bleeped for one slip. He admitted that he would have voted Alex back in had he known he was the mystery houseguest, but didn't raise his hand because James was there. He's very worried James will win HOH and he (Adam) will go up on the block.

In the Diary Room segments which usually try to twist us to believe the vote will go down in a way it doesn't, everyone wanted Chelsia out. Even James said she was like the Titanic and he was a passenger drowning on the vessel. Since the DR segments are usually a mix and Chelsia has been acting out, it looks like curtains.

In the "please save me" speeches before Julie and the others, Sharon's was short and sweet. She's had an amazing time and would love to stay. That's kind of typical. Then it was Chelsia's turn ... and here's where it gets all legendary all over again. Not since Sue Hawk's speech about Kelly Wiglesworth and Richard Hatch in the first season of Survivor has there been such a speech!

"I'm going to start off by saying I want to stay in the house. That's obvious. But everything happens for a reason. I've learned so much in this game and so much from this game that if it's my time to walk out the door I'm happy because I didn't change for any one of you. I have not become a materialistic vain person. With that said, I still have my dignity. I didn't breastfeed off of any one of you to stay in this house. Please vote, give me your vote."

James visibly cringed and everyone just looked kind of like they were struck with Natalie's dumb stick. Me? Oh, I don't condone her behavior, but I smirked at all the drama. It doesn't really matter to me who stays or goes this season. I told you before I'm cheering on the guinea pigs.

When the voting came, there were no real surprises. Even James voted for her to go. The tea kettle had boiled over, gone dry, and cracked on flaming burner. She's out of there! She wasn't surprised even though Julie Chen tried to make it look like Sharon might be the unanimously voted out nominee.

But, first ... more legendary speech time! As she left, she told them all they could sit and then in rapid fire, she said, "I just want to give you some insight. Adam, get backbone. You're playing this game like a baby! Sheila, you've been rode hard and will be put away wet. Natalie, educate yourself, get an education. You need one!"


She called Joshuah crazy and said she loved him. She hugged and kissed James ... more than once. She hugged Sharon. I think I heard Natalie asking if she could hug her, but it was ignored. As the cameras lingered on the houseguests after she left, Sheila said a few times "how mature" about the exit. Nah, it wasn't mature, but it was definitely more entertaining than all the fake hugs and the "I love you all" we usually get.

Chelsia was actually pretty decent with Julie Chen. She said that she whispered a pep talk to Joshuah. She told James there's a reason he's still in the game. She's rooting for both James and Joshuah to go far. She said her time with James was special, but she wants to view the season before she thinks about a relationship outside of the house. After all, you never know what's real or a lie in the house. Chelsia might be a lot of things, but she isn't dumb.

In the goodbye messages, Sharon wanted to remain friends. Natalie will pray for her so she can stop hating people. (That was predictable!) James said he wants to be with her outside the house and that's worth more to him than the half-million. Chelsia then teared up and said how hard the game is.

After all the drama, the Head of Household competition itself was a bit anti-climatic. That is, until its climax. The comp was called Big Brother Election and the poll answers from the CBS website were used. They made it simpler, narrowing it to two houseguests in the answers, not all of them from which we had to choose. Apparently in an effort to get away from booths, the hamsters were blindfolded so they couldn't see how the others were answering. Each correct answer (according to the poll) would get them one step forward. Each wrong answer left them where they were. They would raise either their right or left hands to answer. The one who took the most steps after seven questions would win.

Preface these questions with "Who did America think" and the bold name is the one with the most votes on the poll:

• Would be more likely to re-carve Mt. Rushmore to include only their face? Josh or Sheila
• Would be more likely to give their BB winnings to charity? Sheila or Adam
• Would be more likely to lock themselves out of the White House? Adam or Sheila
• Would have the more interesting biography to read? James or Sheila
• Who would they prefer leading them into battle? James or Ryan
• Would give a more inspiring speech? Natalie or Joshuah
• Would stop a motorcade to let a squirrel cross the road? Sharon or Natalie

Not quite the answers I entered at the poll, but whatever. What was bothering me at this point was that Natalie was leading. Uh-oh. Oh, no! Natalie is the new Head of House! We're surely in for quite a biblical week!