TVSquad

Welcome to Super Skank Wednesday. This is where I celebrate the awesomely skanky people on the following shows: Rock of Love, Flavor of Love, I Love New York (or whatever show Tiffany Pollard is making next), The Surreal Life, and Charm School. Basically, I'll discuss the skankalicious shows that make VH1 the network it is today.

After the jump...Best Practices: How to Win Rock of Love 2, The Logic of Flav, a video on Flav's philosophies for you perusal, and some of my favorite quotations from the skanks this week.

Before we begin, check out this game I found on VH1's site. You place the skanks from Rock of Love 2 in a four-part personality grid and compare your answers to everyone else's. The categories in the grid are: trashy (umm, all of 'em), rock goddess, not rocker quality, and tame. Too bad they don't have an "emotional wreck" category for Kristy Joe and Aubry.

Best Practices: How to Win Rock of Love 2

For those of you who are thinking of auditioning for a future Rock of Loves, I offer the following suggestions...

1. Sleep with Bret. It's always a good idea. In the words of the man himself, "I would like to get to know Daisy...I mean really get to know Daisy." I think he means he wants to know her in the "biblical sense."

Moreover, be sure to underscore how by having sex with Bret you are really just trying to connect emotionally with him. So says Daisy, "Me and Bret, we're learning things about each other." Yes, like what positions he finds most pleasurable.

2. Cry. After holding a group meeting, Kristy Joe, who is a complete psycho, cried about her situation back home in front of Bret and still managed to swing a backstage pass. Don't know what Kristy Joe's "situation" is? Let Megan break it down for you: "So Kristy Joe is basically saying that she's an emotional-mess-wreck-baggage with all kinds of husbands-kids-trailers-whatever."

3. Know how to read. I offer the following exchange from this Sunday's episode to illustrate the importance of literacy on Rock of Love 2...

Daisy: "Can you tell me where the air cleaner is?"
Exile Motorcycles Guy: "It's over there by that sign that says 'air cleaner.'"

Now Daisy is not the brightest star in the sky but she did take advantage of best practice #1 so she can't be all that stoopid.

4. Know something about motorcycles. This one is more of a "bonus" then a "best practice" I suppose. Nevertheless the "Ukranian love tank" did benefit from her knowledge of mechanics (or just her ability to read directions). According to Bret, he enjoys the combination of hot rods and hot bodies, "Hot date with Inna. Come back to two hot beautiful girls on your bike. That doesn't suck." No, indeed. It doesn't suck.

The Logic of Flav: The Glorious Return of Flavor of Love

This time I'm gonna find love or I'm gonna die tryin'

Thanks 50 Cent. I mean, Flav. Anyway, in other news, Flavor of Love 3 premiered Monday night. I think that makes this Super DUPER Skank Wednesday then. (I can take this much happiness.)

I love Bret and Flav because they both embrace the ridiculousness of doing a Vh1 dating show. They seem fully aware that they are primarily entertaining us while they try to find a girlfriend. However, there is one thing that separates Flav from Bret and that, my friends, is Flav's air-tight logic. Please examine the following statements from Monday night.

Flav explains why this is his last shot at love...
The reason why I ain't gonna do this again cause I ain't gonna do this again. (Obviously.)
Flav explains how he came up with Shy's nickname...
No, but you ain't shy that's why I'm gonna call you 'Shy.' (Makes total sense to me.)
Flav explains how he came up with the name 'Shorty'...
Boy, did she have an underbite like a mothaf@#ker, gee. So I called her 'Shorty.' (I can see it.)

Here's a great little video VH1 put together that further explains Flav's philosophies...



And finally, some quotations. Let's say you are at a party, or in an interview, or at lunch with your mother-in-law and you don't have something interesting to say. Try some of these pithy phrases provided by the prostitutes on Rock of Love 2 and Flavor of Love 3.

"If someone would've explained to me what a Phillips head was, maybe I could've figured it out." --Destiney on putting together a motorcycle

"I want to be like a Daisy / Marilyn / Brigitte Bardot all mixed together and they had a baby and it was Daisy." --Daisy describing her personal style

"I don't want to look like the fifites. I'm in my twenties." --Megan on not wanting to pose as a 50s pin-up girl

"This chick over here getting everybody pregnant before we even get to eat anything." B-X on Shy's premature talk about raising Flav's kids.

Just cause I'm curious: