TVSquad

Welcome to Super Skank Wednesday. This is where I celebrate the awesomely skanky people on the following shows: Rock of Love, Flavor of Love, I Love New York (or whatever show Tiffany Pollard is making next), The Surreal Life and Charm School. Basically, I'll discuss the skankalicious shows that make VH1 the network it is today.

I have the following goodies after the jump: The Top Contenders for the Sacred Love of Bret Michaels (or just ROL2 Frontrunners, if you prefer shorter titles), Life Lessons, and Les Miserables: A Tribute to Angelique.

I couldn't think of any overarching theme, or list, or good Vs. debate this week. Therefore, I must present a miscellany of somewhat coherent musings on this week's Rock of Love 2.

Okay, without further ado, let's celebrate SUPER SKANK WEDNESDAY...

The Top Contenders for the Sacred Love of Bret Michaels
Here's my top three skanks as of the first few episodes. Feel free to leave your frontrunner picks in the comments. My sister, her friend and I have even started our own version of Fantasy Football with the ROL2 skanks.

1. Daisy: If Bret had to pick from the remaining girls right now, he would chose Daisy for his skank-bride. For example, let's say there was a writer's strike or umm...a skank strike and the show couldn't go on. Bret would chose Daisy and end it there. And what's not to like about Daisy? She has ample floatation devices if Bret wants to go swimming. And she has no eyebrows. Who really likes eyebrows anyway? Why bother with them when you can just shave them off and draw them on everyday? You can even draw on what expression you'd like to make. Surprised, pensive, angry--the possibilities are endless.

2. Inna: Bret called this one his "Urkranian love tank." He better be careful though. That girl could break him in half. While I find her a little beastly to look at, she sure has all the right moves on the show. She set up the dance contest for Bret. She outed Sara and got her kicked off the show. I'm actually a little scared of her skanktabulous ways myself. She's there to compete.

3. Kristy-Joe: I know you're going to argue with me on this one because this skank hasn't wrapped up her divorce yet. But, I felt bad for Kristy-Joe this past Sunday. I think she really likes Bret and I think he really likes her. But, I'm not so sure he can deal with how much of an emotional basket case she is. However, she is one of the better-looking women on the show this season. I have to give her that.

While she's not on my list, I must give a quick shout-out to Katherine, the dark horse of the Rock of Love 2 competition. We rarely see this girl on the show and yet every week she gets a pass from Bret. She is the clearly Seabiscuit of this show so far. Katherine and her mullet are going to gallop all the way to the end if those other skanks aren't careful.

Life Lessons
I owe much of my wisdom to VH1 and their skankactular programming. Here are two kernels I learned this week...

First, if you are ever going on a date with a has-been rock star, I offer the following advice. Shave your legs. Bring body glitter. And if you have them, bring boobie tassels. Not only will you be going to Burlesque Club on your date, you will be one of the burlesque dancers. And don't drink too much, as you might burlesque all over yourself. (Sorry about the irrelevance of that last sentence. I just like using the word "burlesque.")

Second, before you decide to start a family, Rock of Love highly recommends you take rollerskating lessons as they will come in handy when Lacey, the queen of all VH1 psychos, and her team of Derby rollers, try to take your baby and bite off its arm.

Les Miserables: A Tribute to Angelique
Just a quick tribute to Angelique the "streeper" who didn't get her pass this week from Bret. I was sorely disappointed at this. I thought my calling her Le Trainwreck was clever last week and was hoping to use it many times in my SSW posts. But I must not be selfish. Afterall, it is Bret's heart and the health of his man parts that are at stake here.

And to think, she showed him her vagine...or however you say that in French. When she didn't get her pass, I was reminded of the old adage, "Why buy the cow, when you can get the milk for free?" Perhaps Angelique should have taken heed when her mother told her the same, "Why buy zee cow, when zoo can git zee milk for freez?"

My Angelique-speak isn't so great so I invite you to leave your own version in the comments. See you next week.