TVSquad

(S07E05) "I can't wait to get to Hollywood and prove Simon wrong that I am America's Next Top Model!" --Elizabeth Erkert leaving with her golden ticket

Tonight's episode made me happy, which is good because Idol hasn't been doing that lately. I had resigned myself to another lackluster episode where I'd keep thinking to myself, "I can't wait until we get to Hollywood." And I'm watching it and seeing all these good singers and I'm thinking "Wow, Omaha must have really brought it." But Ryan says only nineteen people made it so what is it? They finally edited it right. More of the good, less back story on the bad and an overall feel-good attitude permeated the episode. And it looked like everyone from the contestants to the judges and even Ryan were genuinely having a good time. Now that I think about it, no one ranted and raved and bitched about not getting through either. Midwestern people are nicer! And it made for a nicer show to watch. Food for thought...

There were certain events in this episode that don't lend it well to my usual mixing it up into categories, so we're going to go straight through. Just you and me. It'll be fun.

10,000 hopefuls showed up in Omaha to audition, and while they had to wait in line, Paula was waiting for her plane, which was delayed. But as all of us professional performers know (I was in a school play in the first grade), the show waits for no man, or woman, and so Simon and Randy had to start without her.

Chris Bernheisel, 24, Fremont, NE - "Since You Been Gone," Kelly Clarkson
So the plan for Omaha was to start the show with an idiot, but an infectious and fun idiot. I have no idea what to think of Chris, but he clearly entertained the hell out of the judges. In his pre-audition interview he said "Today I'm so happy. I feel like I could explode and happiness is going to go flying everywhere...yeah." I think he did explode a little bit in the audition room.

He brought gifts for the judges, and Simon made it very clear that bribery is always a good thing (expect tons of gifts next season to be dumped on the judges). He even brought a photo album of himself with Kelly Clarkson to show what a humongous OH MY GOD THE BIGGEST American Idol fan he is. So much so that he got overwhelmed just talking about it and started crying. You see, he's wanted to try out for 7 years but never had the money to travel "so thank you so much for coming here." Wow, what a great set up. Now this guy's going to blow us all away, right? Of course not. He sucks ass.

The whole thing would have been completely forgettable except that right after he was rejected, he asked if he could audition to work the red carpet at the finale. And then began to announce as if he were there. Suddenly, I liked this guy. He's got chutzpah! Clearly amused, Simon told him to tell local affiliate FOX 42 that they wanted Chris covering the finale for FOX 42. Chris continued to be excited and bounce up and down and scream and sing Paula Abdul songs until he left the building. And amazingly, as soon as he got outside he started jumping up and down even more. Apparently we were getting the subdued "inside voice" Chris. Good lord, I bet he jumps on small children and knocks over old ladies all the time when he's outside.

Jason Rich, 21, Stout, IA - "When You Say Nothing at All," Keith Whitley
Jason had me worried for a minute there. It really looked like his nerves were going to get the best of him. After three tries he'd only managed to get through two lines of his song. "You've just blown that," Simon told him. And it was a damned shame. Not only does Jason have an awesome first name, but "dude can blow," to quote famed wordsmith Randy Jackson.

Simon gave him one last chance, and apparently the pressure was enough to open the floodgates. Suddenly Chris was belting out line after line. Randy didn't see any "star quality" in him but he has a nice tone to his voice. Everyone agreed to give him another chance and a ticket to Hollywood, but with a parting warning from Simon. He will never, ever, ever get another chance like that. "If that we're a live show," Simon explained, "We're off the air." And he's right.

Hey Paula! Look who finally decided to show up.

Rachel Wicker, 23, Richmond, MO - "Don't Tell Me to Stop Loving You," Lee Ann Womack
Rachel is a six-time arm wrestling champion, which means we got to see her arm wrestle everyone in the waiting room, including Ryan. Did you notice that Ryan had a little muscle there he was flexing? Aw, that's so cute, Ryan. Look at your adorable little bicep *mwah* *mwah* *mwah*.

She finally gets into the audition room and she's so country that Garth Brooks had to check to see if she stole his twang. It was decent enough, if a bit too stylized country for me. Simon's problem was "You're performing as if you've been doing this for 50 years, at the end of your career, as if it hasn't worked out." Randy asks one of the age old questions I've always wondered. What is with country singers and the half yodel sound they put in their voices (to convey emotion or something)? It's not natural. But despite her supertwang ("Able to crack up and down three octaves with every syllable! It's Supertwang!") Paula and Randy put her through.

Sarah Whitaker, 25, Council Bluffs, IA - "Living in the Sunlight, Loving in the Moonlight," Tiny Tim
We then moved from an arm wrestling champion to a former pro-wrestler, though I'm not sure what she means by pro. Sarah Whitaker used to be a pro-wrestler; she went by the name "Lady Morgue." She's certainly got the goth and deathly pale makeup going on, just check out her picture above. She shows off her sinister laugh, which sounded eerily like the opening to The Surfaris' "Wipeout." Damn, that is scary!

In the audition room, I'll give you one guess. Simon summed it up: "You're just really strange Sarah." After they cut her, Ryan came in and asked why they didn't put her through, passing on the message that maybe they aren't hearing correctly. Apparently, Lady Morgue had Ryan in her thrall, forcing him to bitch to the judges for her. This whole altercation led to Ryan and Paula switching jobs, with Ryan sitting at the judge's table ("How do I pretend to be overpaid for doing no work?") while Paula handled the interviews and ushering in and out of contestants.

Samantha Sidley, 22, Los Angeles, CA - "Don't Know Why," Norah Jones
First up to face Simon, Randy and Ryan was Samantha Sidley. When asked if she could win American Idol she said she didn't know. They coaxed her into saying she could. Honestly, I thought the only reason we were seeing this audition was because Ryan and Paula had switched roles and they wanted to show how that would play out. Samantha was just so...so ordinary. But then I realized what it was. She wasn't pretentious, acting, overly enthusiastic or any of that nonsense. She was just nervous and shy and real.

Then she started singing and even though it was a little soft she pulled off sounding like Norah Jones. Ryan said he liked her but she needed to work on her stage presence, at which point he was fired as a judge. He told Samantha she had his vote, but it didn't matter. Everyone liked her enough to put her through. She was okay, but I wonder if no one had been playing musical chairs if she'd have stood out enough to get by. Probably won't stand out enough in Hollywood to get much further.

Elizabeth Erkert, 19, Springfield, IL - "I Heard It Through the Grapevine," Marvin Gaye
Denise Jackson, 17, Madison, WI - "One Night Only," Jennifer Holliday
Michael Sanfillipo, 19, South Barrington, IL - "If You Really Love Me," Stevie Wonder
This is the point where I became very happy with American Idol. As we all know, they love to show us montages of the bad singers. I always wondered, why not a montage of the good singers, so we can at least see more of the singers that got through. I'm pleased to say they took my advice (of course it's because of me that they did this!) and featured a quick one-two-three punch of three good performances. What this means is that other than having a nice voice, these people had nothing exciting to offer the viewing audience. But it was nice to hear them, if only briefly.

Angelica Puente, 17, Kenosha, WI - "The Power of Love," Celine Dion
Angelica told a sad story about how she and her dad had a falling out, but through the power of a Martina McBride song, she left him in a voicemail, he agreed to pay her way onto Idol. It didn't make much sense to me but I may have gotten the details wrong. See, while she was talking they were showing pictures of her dad and he never wears a shirt. No wonder he's pissed off, it's cold in Wisconsin. Maybe if she'd just buy him a shirt he wouldn't be mad at her anymore.

She takes on one of the toughest singers, as these contestants all seem to think they can do. "I just want to make (my dad) proud," she says going in. She missed a few notes here and there and the judges thought it was too much a mimic of Celine's style, but clearly Angelica has some talent. Simon thinks with a bit of effort she could be good and they all advise her to stop listening so hard to other singers and find her own voice. She gets her golden ticket and Ryan calls her dad, who thinks it's "badass." He should get a shirt that says that on it.

David Cook, 24, Tulsa, OK - "Living on a Prayer," Bon Jovi
David came in prepared to take on Chris Daughtry's role as the "rocker." He went so far as to watch Daughtry's audition to try and find a competitive edge. He told the judges he could be the next American Idol because he brings something a little different." He's rocking the faux-hawk.

When he starts in on "Living on a Prayer," I'm immediately struck by how much he isn't singing it the way Bon Jovi does. It stood out so much, I realized how rare it is on Idol for a contestant to modify the way in which a song is arranged even slightly. That was a huge part of Blake Lewis' appeal last season, and I found myself immediately drawn to David's performance because of it. It helped that he has a great voice, too, and you can definitely see the gravelly "rocker" tone to it.

Johnny Escamilla, 18, Scottsbluff, NE - "Shout," Otis Day and the Knights
"Pretty much I'm one of the weirdest guys you'll ever meet." I'm really not sure what more to say. He's right. He sported a silver lounge jacket and dressed it up with zero charisma and charm. Then he picked a horrible song to do in a singing competition and aside from the first note, which was halfway decent, made a complete ass of himself. He jumped around a bit for awhile shouting and yelling before abruptly stopping as if someone had shut off his power switch. He then stared at the judges. Scottsbluff is planning their "Johnny Escamilla Day" parade as I write this, I just know it.

Leo Marlow, 23, Charlotte, IA - "A Song for You," Leon Russell (Donny Hathaway)
Leo is one of those laid back cool dudes that everyone likes. "My mom always said she raised the perfect Homecoming Queen, it's just too bad it wasn't one of her daughters." It's weird to say about a guy, but I'm confident enough in my masculinity to say that there's something endearing about Leo. He took on an extremely emotional and passionate song and handled it effortlessly. The judges passed him through, and he even got a hug from Paula.

Paul summed up the night perfectly. It was a subdued affair with no yelling crazy people (except for Chris), and no obnoxious people who don't know when to shut up (except for Chris). It was fun, light-hearted with some good talent. I don't know that I was blown away by anyone, except maybe for David Cook. But I had a good time.

As I said, 19 people out of 10,000 go through to Hollywood. Tomorrow we go to Miami to see 10,000 more losers...err, I mean hopefuls. Keep up the hot streak Idol. I'm loving it!