What do you do when it's Fall Pilot season but there isn't anyone available to write pilots? Things are getting a little scary for next season's slate of new shows that don't exist yet. And last night, as our own Joel Keller reports, the networks and Television Critics Association (TCA) agreed to cancel the winter tour. It makes sense considering the TCA Tour generally involves the networks touting their upcoming programming to the 200 or so members of the association so as to get good press (hopefully) to build buzz. With the way things are going, had the event occurred, it would have been a very dry affair.
"So, we've got some reality shows coming up, and we're looking at doing some reruns."
"Really. Wow, that's interesting, which network were you again ... Oh that's right. It doesn't matter."
"Well, we think we've come up with an aggressive slate of programming here ..."
"Aren't there supposed to be celebrities here? Where's Charlie Sheen?"
"Well, he couldn't make it, but we do have--"
"Todd Bridges? Hey man, great to see you. Good work on the wax job last week, my car has never looked better!"
"If you could just look over here, I've put together a presentation of our--"
"Wait ... that!? Magic marker on poster board? That's your presentation? Seriously, this isn't funny. Is Ashton Kutcher here? You've got me here at the Motel 5 when we're supposed to be at The Hilton, does Ausiello have to put up with this crap? I heard Keller is hanging out at Trump Tower to hear about The Apprentice 7: Celebrity Parolees, and I get this ... and Todd Bridges and Cheez Whiz on saltines is a "catered meal" to you people?!"
Maybe they'll bring back the nightly sign-off and have the networks go dark late at night. I miss the dramatic scenes of the billowing American flag as a poorly recorded out-of-tune high school band mangles "The Star Spangled Banner." It kept me from sleeping on the couch all night as the caterwauling would awaken me and make me want to plunge pencils in my ears (WARNING: Please do not plunge pencils in your ears.)
Next fall should be a very interesting landscape. While the Summer TCA Tour is still on, so far, how will a lingering strike impact development? Either the strike gets resolved and we get a bunch of pilots rushed together at the last minute, or it doesn't and then what? Dust off old unused pilots from the past few seasons and see if you can make a run of it with those (find the actors, pull together new contracts)? Scrap the fall season altogether? Put together various clips from a variety of old shows as if they were new shows.
"Da plane! Da plane!" This week on Fantasy Lost with special guest star Sherri Shepherd ... What is the mysterious creature on the island?
[rumbling and rustling sound from the woods]
Charlie: "Where are we?"
Sherri: "I bet we're near the edge of the world. Everyone knows there's monsters at the edge of the world. Maybe we can swim out to it and drop off into Heaven!"
Walt: "Why couldn't The Others have abducted her."
Sherri: "What did you say?"
Walt: "I didn't say anything. I'm gonna go find Vincent!" [Runs off]
And most important of all, what about TV Squad? What will we blog about? Do you want us to write about our fascinating belly button lint collections. Or maybe we could all review TV Squad Daily. "Today, Brigitte had her hair half-up. I don't know, I kind of liked it better down. Counterpoint?"
I'm thinking of turning my television into a decorative piece ... art, if you will. Then it will still serve a purpose and I can write about it and people's reactions to it. Maybe take it on tour. TVart (trademark and copyright Jason Hughes if you steal it I will find you and make you sit through all sixteen hundred seasons of Family Matter.) "Did I do that ... yes, I did!"
The TV Squad Podcast: Vik Sahay of Chuck, Oprah talk, brutal timeslots, and more!
TV Squad Ten: Top Ten ESPN shows from worst to first
Andy Richter: The TV Squad Interview
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
12-11-2007 @ 11:29AM
Scott said...
The headline made me expect a serious look at what the possibilities are, and what effect the prolonged strike would have. Instead, the piece is lame humor.
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12-11-2007 @ 12:46PM
sitruc said...
Agreed. I was hoping for a serious piece as well.
12-12-2007 @ 9:04AM
Erica said...
Isn't it too early to speculate what is going to happen for the next fall lineup? Yea, the WGA talks aren't going so well right now, but things could change at any moment, and yea the networks better pull something outta their rear soon because whats going to happen after christmas? What are we too watch. Am I to really resort to watching new and more reality tv. Isn't there enough reality shows on tv? Why don't the networks pay me, put camera's on me and watch my life. I have 2 kids I run around all day. I am less than glamerous in my pajamas as I feed them and change their diapers, but at least its something to watch... I guess.
12-11-2007 @ 11:51AM
SHANNON said...
We're looking forward to new shows on Discovery, TLC, and such. "Deadliest Catch" anyone??
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12-11-2007 @ 12:27PM
Eric H said...
i am really surprised they haven't employed scabs by now.
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12-11-2007 @ 12:51PM
dab0neman said...
We're already seeing it: CrapTV ala Kid Nation. Maybe we can get the kids to write the shows? How bad could that be since most of the stuff on TV is barely watchable anyway and pretty much every movie put out by the big studios is a rehash of a rehash of a once great movie from way back when.
In the same vein as Eric H, I don't know why they haven't tapped the vast resources of fan fiction out here on the Interwebs! Not all of them are stories about Captain Picard doing the nasty with elves.
http://www.b0nehome.com
http://www.mmab0nes.com
http://www.squidoo.com/mmabones
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12-11-2007 @ 1:07PM
JW said...
There has been tons of crap on before the strike. I hope Leno and Letterman follow Carson...Primetime doesn't really bother me that much, but I like to get a laugh before bedtime.
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12-11-2007 @ 2:37PM
Midnight13 said...
Wouldn't it be great is the networks aired classic episodes of shows they used to air? What if CBS started to show episodes of "I Love Lucy" and "The Twlight Zone" in lew of "CSI" and "Two and Half Men"? NBC would show classic episodes of "Cheers" and classic "Saturday Night Live" episodes. The networks have an oppurtunity to dig into thier vaults and remind the viewers of past shows we all love, as well as introduce some new viewers. Starting to miss "Boston Legal"? Watch "L.A. Law", feel bad about about no new "Pushing Dasies?" Re-air "Twin Peaks". Sure most of those shows are available on DVD, but not everyone owns the DVDS, not everyone even knows about some of these classic shows.
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12-11-2007 @ 3:09PM
Suzie said...
I hope they don't settle witht the writers any time soon anyway. They get paid too much as it is (some as much as $500,000.00) and this just shows how greedy they truly are. I'm actually enjoying reruns which I have never seen before. On top of which, some of the reality shows fun too.
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12-11-2007 @ 4:42PM
Joey Geraci said...
Suzie, you do know that the vast majority of writers make very little money, especially if you take into account the fact that they are out of work as much if not more than they have a job (due to the nature of the business). The only people being greedy here are the producers, who want to continue to rake in the profit while the writers gets cents.
12-11-2007 @ 3:15PM
Suzie said...
Maybe families will go out and do more things together now, as a family, rather than sitting in front of the TV all the time. This strike is a "good thing" (like Martha would say - tee hee).
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12-11-2007 @ 3:31PM
Scott said...
Midnight13, the networks no longer have any rights to those series. They're from the days when the production studios were owned by different companies than the networks. I agree, in principle, that it would be a great idea. But all the rights to re-air would need to be re-purchased, and considering that most of the series have been on cable networks or out on DVD for a while, the projected ratings probably wouldn't warrant spending a thin dime on re-acquiring air rights.
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12-11-2007 @ 4:35PM
Peanuts said...
Heres a thought...what would we do?...get off our asses and do things AWAY from the freaking couch and TV! Maybe the 30% of us that are way over weight could go to the gym. We could do things as a family where we TALK to each other. Go to a restaurant, learn how to cook. Bake. Clean your house. Have a party. Dance. Listen to music. Paint, draw, or create! Anything! Jesus its like we are freaks or something and the TV is our air. Get real! Oh no...the overpaid writers are going to go on strike. Good! Let them stay on strike, the over paid pigs that they are. We all watch to much TV and obsess over it like its our freaking life! We watch the TV while our own ‘unwatched’ lives go to crap! (And save me the blah blah blah about “I have a life and this is my release! Good for you…that makes you probably 3% of the viewing audience) Get out heads out and think and do other things!
Sorry to sound angry but this is freaking ridiculous!
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12-11-2007 @ 5:01PM
Argus said...
In regards to pilots, WGC member Chris Haddock, creator of the probably-about-to-be-cancelled Canadian series Intelligence, just wrote an American version for Fox, which the network loved. (They can't just transplant the Canadian version since the bad guys in it are consistently American law and spy agencies) He can't make any moves with it until the strike ends, but if it does in time for pilot season the script will be ready to go into production immediately.
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12-11-2007 @ 6:49PM
Kelly Linder said...
Wow, I also expected a MUCH better article, given the headline. A bit of humor was fine but then it lead us way out into left field somewhere, waiting for the coach to call us back in.
I do hope the end is in sight, I don't know how much Reality TV I can handle.
I must say, I am fortunate to have a great cable package, so I think I'll still find entertainment beyond Reality TV.
I've also got an OnDemand service that I could literally spend years trying to watch everything on it.
Hmmm, I'm seeing why my cable bill is the highest bill in the house....
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12-12-2007 @ 9:10AM
Erica said...
I do like Deadliest catch. I think my husband wishes he would go away for a couple of weeks away from me, lol. But, I told him that his life insurance isn't enough just incase. Lately I have been resorting to the show HOw ITS MADE. I watch them making toilet paper and other household items. Its... ... ... ok... There is no great Dirty Job commentator, but at least it's something new and differenet. Ya know, I hear Kathy Griffin's new show on Bravo starts back up again soon. She is actually pretty funny. Bravo and A&E have really gotten some good shows on their networks and lately, I find myself gravitating to watching their shows more and more. I guess when there is really nothing on, you lower your standards a lot and watch what looks the most amusing. That Paula Abdul show was a train wreck. I couldn't even keep the channel on. Every other second it was a meltdown. I was like ok. if she thinks her life is hard , come to my house and change one of my kids dirty diapers.. or get them outta the dog food. I constantly find my son on all fours eating out of the dog dishes. Monkey See Monkey do. Come on over Paula.. I can really make ya cry...LOL
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1-19-2008 @ 9:39PM
H Taylor said...
I used to write for TV and would like to again. Believe me, not all writers get $500,000.00 a year. I wish. Most shows are cancelled before they get out of the gate. Then you have to get out there and compete with all the other writers who probably won't get hired anyway because the producers will hire their family members and friends who've never written anything longer or more interesting than a grocery list. The last strike lowered the quality of writing significantly (because scabs did get in and were allowed to stay in as payment for helping out). Then along came those unreal reality shows that lowered the bar even more. If it weren't for TVLand and dvds, I'd have no need for a TV. What I can't understand is why advertisers aren't upset or nervous about the significant viewer drop-off. Everyone I know watches TV only for sports and to let the kids see the Disney channel or Nick. The last time I checked, the kids weren't doing the shopping.
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