TVSquad

(S03E14) Most people trust the cops. But what if those cops just happen to be bar owners who are driving a fifteen year old cop car and toting around a cat? Would you trust them then?

If that happened, then you might turn to grass-roots law enforcement groups like the Guardian Angels. But what if those people were just douches wearing berets and carrying souvenir mini-bats?

Those are the questions unleashed this week by the gang at Paddy's Pub. And all because they saw a bum getting it on with himself in the alley next to the bar.
Believe it or not, this week's cold opening was my favorite of the season: short, sweet, and it sets up the episode perfectly. Dee, Mac, and Dennis watch a bum masturbate behind a dumpster and just express their disgust. The fact that they stared at him for so long is pretty depraved by itself. But it's nothing that we haven't expected after watching the gang for thirty-plus episodes.

"The streets are flooded with the ejaculate of the homeless!" Mac declares at a Neighborhood Watch meeting he attends with Dee... that's after the two of them had a public argument about being reimbursed for weapons. So they take it upon themselves and become vigilantes, Sliwa-style. "We look like Rerun," Dee tells Mac, right before he snaps on his bad-ass suspenders. Knowing what we know about Dee, seeing her manhandle the self-pleasuring bum wasn't much of a surprise (in "Hundred Dollar Baby," for instance, she was pretty aggressive even before she took the 'roids). Also knowing what we know about the gang, she's the only one of the five who could actually hold her own in a fight, because all the other ones are chickenshit (with the possible exception of Frank, but only when he has his gun).

Speaking of Frank and his gun, it's a surprise he didn't pull it out when he, Dennis, and Charlie were pretending to be cops. What I never noticed before is that the cops on It's Always Sunny are members of the "South Philadelphia" police department, which of course doesn't exist (I mean, that's like saying there's a Brooklyn PD). I'm guessing the boys did that so they could write plots like this and not get in trouble with the real Philly PD. Anyway, that cop car they bought from the junkyard was in perfect shape, wasn't it? It didn't matter that it was from 1991 and that it was painted differently than the current SPPD cars; I'd put it back in service right away. I really want to know what connections Frank used to get those uniforms? The way he throws whatever money and power he has left is hilarious. He wanted to live, well, paying for an old cop car, a junkyard cat, and fake cop unis is a pretty neat way to spend time.

So what did you think of Charlie's Pacino-as-Serpico impression? I think it was hilarious when he drops off his "evidence" (labeled "Spin Doctors Mix Tape") to the real South Philly cops, and starts screaming being proud of the American flag and the "I don't know what that is" flag while his fake beard was falling off. Probably the funniest scene of the episode. Anyway, it wasn't a bad impression, but it seemed like Charlie threw in more later-era Pacino (the "hooha" era) than was needed. But the impression went in and out, and he sometimes sounded more like Ed Sullivan than Al Pacino. It's too bad that the tape, which he left "4 The Maer," got tossed in the trash. I mean, it took a lot of duct tape to strap that huge tape recorder of his to his chest.

Oh, and a word about Agent Bauer the cat; he's probably the toughest being in this whole episode. He was born in a gasoline puddle, so he laps gas up like it's milk. But think about what happened after Charlie blew up the cop car, which exploded right after Kitty Jack was drawn into it by the gas fumes. The cat just calmly jumped out and ran away. Not even Kiefer Sutherland is that good.

The boys are ending the season in pretty strong fashion, aren't they? I'm looking forward to next week's season finale, when the boys dance their asses off.