TVSquad

(S05E02) After sitting on the sidelines last night, the male contestants got a chance to showcase their talents. Host Tom Bergeron dubbed tonight's episode "Testosterone Tuesday, " and I bet he wishes he could use that line again. We've reached the second part of the three-night premiere extravaganza, and I'm already exhausted. Tonight the men attempted the Foxtrot and the Cha Cha Cha, after getting a look at their competition yesterday. Drew Lachey was back in the co-host position, which might not have pleased some of you (especially those who sounded off on yesterday's blog). There was no all-pro dance tonight; the show cut right to the standard celebrity introductions. Mark Cuban still looked awkward, Julianne looked sensational in her dress, and the crowd went crazy for Mr. Las Vegas, Wayne Newton.

Before the performances commenced, we were treated to a recap of the ladies' routines. I always enjoy seeing how the show's producers characterize each celebrity--the fan favorite, the showman, etc. Jennie Garth set the standard with her tasty Cha Cha Cha, and Jennie called the experience an amazing opportunity. Marie Osmond's personality was emphasized, and she breathed a huge sigh of relief in her backstage interview. Melanie Brown is terribly hard to understand when she's excited; somehow her accent got twice as thick during her interview. Maks boasted that he substituted spice with quality, and did a bizarre hand-waving move, as if to demonstrate his own greatness. Jane Seymour is starting to remind me of Julie Andrews in terms of her charm and grace, and proved that "age is only a state of mind." Josie Maran was the worst of the female competitors, and the trademark DWTS serious, dramatic music played during her entire segment. Not a good sign. Sabrina's performance was called the talk of the night, and Sabrina excitedly said that she and Mark "rocked it."

We also learned that Ladies Night was one of the highest-scored opening nights in the history of the show. Later, Sabrina foolishly tried to talk smack about Wayne Newton. Easy, Cheetah Girl, you haven't won yet. The judges got another chance to weigh in on the women's performances as well. Len said that they had never seen such a fantastic standard set in the first week, and that the women threw down the gauntlet. There was a quick refresher segment on what the judges expect from each dance. The Foxtrot is regarded as the Rolls Royce of ballroom dance, and the judges look for Old Hollywood style, smooth movement, and the feather step. The Cha Cha Cha features flirtatious interplay, hip action, the New York step, and crisp movements.

Cameron Mathison and Edyta Sliwinska (Foxtrot) - I'm not familiar with soap hunk Cameron Mathison, but plenty of women in the audience were. Cameron revealed the he was a bit of a goofball, and asked his loyal soap fans to vote. I have a feeling the soap vote will play a significant part in Cameron's success on the show, regardless of the quality of his routines. Edyta has been on the show for five seasons, but has never won. That has to hurt just a little. Cameron mentioned that a degenerative leg disease forced him to wear leg braces during his childhood. I hope he isn't going for some sort of Heather Mills sympathy vote--we all know how that turned out. The couple have a difficult practice schedule, since Cameron is dividing his time between New York and Los Angeles. The late-night training sessions don't stop Cameron from having a positive outlook on his chances.

Cameron was the first of the male contestants to wear a black ensemble, and we saw a lot of them this evening. I guess the men are waiting a few more weeks to break out the Joey Lawrence sailor suits. The couple performed their Foxtrot to Van Morrison's "Moondance." I didn't have any major problems with Cameron's performance, but I didn't notice anything outstanding, either. His movements were smooth, but Edyta did most of the difficult moves. Cameron has a wonderful energy, though.

Len used a long, drawn out faucet metaphor to explain that Cameron was fairly inconsistent; some good moments, some worse moments. He instructed the couple to watch their pivots, and praised them for a strong first try. Bruno thought that Cameron's arm line was good, and said that his Foxtrot was somewhere between a Rolls Royce and a Buick. A Nissan Rogue? Carrie Ann felt that Cameron started out stiff, but complimented his posture and arm movements. The crowd definitely loved the performance in spite of its weaknesses. Cameron isn't among the best dancers of the show, but his personality and soap fans will likely keep him around for a long time. Score: 21 (7, 7, 7).

Floyd Mayweather and Karina Smirnoff (Cha Cha Cha) - For some odd reason, Tom introduced Floyd's partner as Karina "Boom Boom" Smirnoff, which was weird. Floyd introduced himself as a champion pound for pound fighter, and is currently preparing for a fight during dance training. He claimed to have no dancing experience, but my from my knowledge of the boxing world (read: the Rocky movies) I know that boxers are quick on their feet. Karina pointed out that she has the most titles of all the professional dancers, but desperately wants the DWTS trophy. Floyd was extremely hyper in his training segment, and wanted to quit initially. Drama queen Karina had her first tantrum of the season. She comes off as very high maintenance in every season. Naturally, the two patched things up, and Floyd resolved to work harder.

Floyd and Karina danced to Outkast's "Way You Move," and gave one of the most crowd-pleasing performances of the night. Floyd brought some hot, fast moves, and you couldn't miss his huge smile. It's great when the male contestants are comfortable showcasing their own abilities, instead of just letting their partners dance circles around them. I didn't see a lot of standard Cha Cha Cha moves, but overall the routine was sexy and fun. The crowd went crazy for the couple. There was a strange cutaway at the end of the routine, and Karina muttered a comment to Tom afterward. Did anyone catch what she said?

Bruno wanted to change Floyd's name to September Storm, and enjoyed his incredible energy and sense of rhythm. He told the couple to focus more on technique and to "channel the force" that Floyd possesses. Len felt that the routine was good, but not great, a remark that was met with passionate boos. Carrie Ann thought the performance was fast, furious, and full out, but warned Floyd to focus on finesse and tenderness with his partner. Score 18 (6, 6, 6). This was way too low, and the audience voiced its disapproval. Karina looked absolutely shocked. I think Floyd would have gotten a higher score if he had gone later in evening. His Cha Cha Cha was my favorite of the night.

Tomorrow's results show will feature Dolly Parton, Savion Glover, and the hilarious Kenny Mayne. I cannot wait!

Helio Castroneves and Julianne Hough (Foxtrot) - Helio mentioned something about racing since the age of eleven, but I was too focused on his fantastic accent to listen. He also has one of those smiles that make you wonder if the person has extra teeth or something. In a nutshell, the man is hot. Julianne, last year's champ, is intent on keeping her trophy for another season. Helio was thrilled to have last season's winner as his partner, but felt there was additional pressure with that position. The practice segment emphasized Helio's infectious enthusiasm and positive attitude. Apparently he was in a car crash at one of his races, but wasn't seriously injured. Helio's only trouble was with memorizing the steps.

Julianne looked absolutely glamorous in a dark dress and a dramatic updo. The pair looked like a classic old movie couple. I was a little distracted when I realized that they were dancing to the theme song from Bewitched. I haven't thought about that show in a long, long time. Helio and Julianne had amazing chemistry on the dance floor, and their performance was very classy and sweet. I particularly enjoyed the move at the end when Helio leaned back into Julianne's arms. Helio made the routine seem effortless and natural, and his movements were very smooth.

Carrie Ann thought the routine was wonderful, and called Helio "debonair." Bruno praised Julianne's choreography and noted that Helio had a great deal of charm. Len loved the routine as well, and there was an interesting cut to a worried-looking group of female contestants (especially Josie). Score: 25 (8, 9, 8). This score was well-deserved, and I think Helio might be the judges' early favorite among the men. Backstage, Drew mentioned that Helio smiled way more than Drew did during his first performance. Helio replied, "I guess I had more fun than you." Zing! Helio's racing fan base might not vote, but his Foxtrot definitely earned him a new batch of supporters.

Albert Reed and Anna Trebunskaya (Cha Cha Cha) - Albert won me over with the Zoolander reference to Blue Steel looks. Anna Trebunskaya has been MIA from the show for the past two years due to her ballroom competition schedule. The couple first met on the beach, where Albert was surfing with his adorable floppy-eared dog. After a few practices, Anna seemed very aware of Albert's young age. Albert didn't help matters by breaking out classic dance moves like The Sprinkler, The Steering Wheel, The Worm, and The Lawnmower (what, no White Tornado?). He was very up front about being the least famous celebrity on the show, and said dancing was the hardest thing he's ever attempted.

Wearing yet another black outfit, Albert did the Cha Cha Cha to Elvis Presley's "A Little Less Conversation." For my money, this is one of those crowd-pleasing songs that you can't help but dance along to. Someone made a wise song selection. I was blown away by the amount of hip swiveling and chest pumping that the couple was able to fit into a single routine. Albert played to his strengths and opened his shirt, revealing what is probably the smoothest chest in DWTS history. The performance wasn't that challenging from a technical standpoint, but that was probably a smart move. Albert needed to win over the undecided voters, and nothing accomplishes that better than a bare chest. The celebrity ladies were gushing at the end of the couple's performance, along with every woman watching at home.

Len compared the routine to watching a stripper, and highly enjoyed it. Bruno said that he got a hernia just watching all of the crotch action, and Anna asked him to confirm that that was a compliment. Carrie Ann actually stammered! She wasn't sure how good the actual Cha Cha Cha was, but she was clearly smitten. Backstage, Drew awkwardly commended Albert's courage for wearing an open shirt. Score: 21 (7, 7, 7). This was a bit low, in light of the judges' reactions, but I think the eye candy factor will keep Albert and Anna around for at least another week or two.

Mark Cuban and Kym Johnson (Foxtrot) - Mark Cuban began his introduction by joking about his billions upon billions of dollars. Way to endear yourself to us working folks, Mark! I wish he had used that money to buy a decent shirt. Kym let everyone know that she's more than just a feisty blonde; she's a competitive feisty blonde. We got a look at Cuban's gigantic house, complete with 20-foot-tall front doors. I swear, that place looked bigger than ABC's studios. Mark was rocking the undefined-abs-untucked-shirt look, which I understand is very popular among doughy billionaires. I was surprised that Mark recently had hip replacement surgery. Isn't he a little young for that? He showed off his surgical scar during practices, and we came far too close to seeing the man's bottom. I'd rather see Heather Mills' stump again than see that. As if that wasn't enough, Mark made an immature rod-holding joke. Save that kind of humor for courtside, sir. I laughed when I saw that he was taking notes during practices, as though he could write out a cheat sheet on his arm for performances. Kym focused on keeping Mark from holding onto his bum hip during the routine.

Mark was wearing a strange, patchy hobo suit that made way more sense once the music started. The couple performed their Foxtrot to Roger Miller's "King Of The Road," which is a great song. He made the mistake of mouthing the words to the song while he danced, which was an unpleasant reminder of one Billy Ray Cyrus. It was a bit distracting. Overall, the routine was safe and conservative. The routine was missing challenging moves, and there really wasn't a wow moment. Mark isn't very athletic, but I was impressed that he tried lifting Kym off her feet slightly. He was even able to jump up and click his heels at the end.

Bruno dubbed Mark the bionic billionaire, but instructed him to work on his technique. Carrie Ann delivered another backhanded compliment, admitting that Mark was a better showman than she expected. She did, however, find fault with the overwhelming presence of his tongue during the routine. Len thought the couple's Foxtrot was an "in between" performance, which was a fair assessment. Score: 21 (7, 7, 7). That was way higher than I expected, but I'm not sure that it will be high enough to compensate for Cuban's lack of a real fan base. I'd place him in the bottom of the pack with Josie Maran.

Wayne Newton and Cheryl Burke (Cha Cha Cha) - They saved the biggest star for last! Wayne never got to attend his school dances because he was already working as a performer, and said that this was his chance at having that experience. Cheryl met up with Wayne at what my husband called his "pimped out" house, which definitely suited his Vegas-level stature. During practices, he mentioned that while he considers himself fit, dancing was far more demanding than he expected. I'm not sure how fit you are if you count waterskiing as exercise, but oh well. Wayne admitted that although he doesn't get nervous before performances, this performance made him scared to walk on stage. When he voiced concerns about screwing up on TV, Cheryl assured him that they only cut to a commercial if someone gets injured. Very comforting.

Cheryl and Wayne danced the Cha Cha Cha to "You're the First, The Last, My Everything," and Wayne chose to follow the black suit trend. He certainly has more moves than any previous middle-aged male contestant. It goes without saying that Wayne is a gifted showman, but he was also very light on his feet. By the end of the routine, Cheryl and Wayne had brought the crowd to their feet. The female contestants looked absolutely thrilled with his performance.

Carrie Ann said that it was an honor to meet the legend in person, but followed it up with a remark about Wayne's age. Tom saved the moment by joking that Wayne isn't older than Len. Carrie also asked Wayne to use more hip action in his later routines. Len noticed a lot of great basic moves in the couple's routine, and felt that the dance was well-performed. Bruno called Wayne the Sizzler from Sin City, and asked for more hip action as well. This was one of the few times that I've seen the judges starstruck by a contestant. Score: 19 (6, 7, 6). I thought this was a little low, but there wasn't much of a reaction from the crowd. In spite of his score, I think Wayne's iconic status will carry him for several weeks, at least.

When Tom said that someone would go home tomorrow, there was a funny close-up of Josie Maran that followed. I guess she should be worried. I still can't believe that Floyd is in last place after seeing a recap of the performances. if he goes home tomorrow, I'm calling Shenanigans.

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